- Gender and Relationships
Dating Tips - Best Ways to Meet Compatible People
My single friends whine and moan about not finding good people to date. They try singles bars, online dating, personals, and even dating services. They complain that though they can meet good lookers, these one-shots aren't compatible, don't share the same interests, or are dull as rocks. And the complaints are the same whether the dates are men or women, gay or straight, college students or senior citizens..
If you're in the same boat as my friends, listen up because you can jump ship with a few simple steps.
1. Make a list of what you want in a date.
Most folks start off with physical traits: height, weight, hair color, physique, which is fine. But concentrate on intangibles: character, personality, hobbies and interests, etc. Write as many of these down as you can.
2. Cross off the physical.
Of course, physical is important. Who wants to be stuck dating a dog? But the physical stuff's obvious and easy-to-see, so you know right away if someone meets those requirements. And the physical only gets you as far as your date opening his or her mouth. Then you actually have to find something to talk about.
3. Arrange what's left in order of importance.
The stuff you don't obviously see usually makes or breaks a date: personality, inner character, interests. Hopefully, you have a few of these on your list. Arrange those in order of importance. Remember that you're just looking for a good date right, and not eternal happiness (though one can lead to the other). So right now, can pay for dinner is a more important quality than owns a single-family home.
4. Turn your general list into specifics.
This is probably the hardest though most fun part of the process. You want to break your general requirements into something that's specific and easy-to-observe. In other words, what things does a person say or do to show he has a trait on your list.
For example, let's say funny is at the top of your list. How do you know that a person is funny?
- Does she laugh at everything you say?
- Does he tell jokes?
- Does she make funny-looking art?
- Does he watch comedy movies?
Be as specific as you can here, using numbers, dates, objects, colors, etc. For example, a specific list might include:
- tells three dog jokes in a row,
- crochets funny sock puppets,
- Or does amateur standup comedy.
5. Figure out where people who do the specifics hang out.
Where can you go to find people who do or say the things on your list? Again, be as specific with this list as you can.
- For example, someone who does amateur standup comedy would probably do it at a local comedy club. But you can even be more specific with Improv Club on 5th Avenue on Wednesday open mic nights or Beginning Comedy Class at City College.
- And someone who crochets funny sock puppets might be shopping for materials at the Fabric Warehouse at 1415 Union St and might be selling her creations at the Springtime Craft Fare on Sunday mornings at St. Andrews Church.
6. Hang out where those people hang out.
If you like people with certain traits and interests, the best place to meet those people is where they hang out. Not only can you watch them strutting their stuff, you automatically have the location or activity in common to talk about.
This is fairly obvious and simple advice, isn't it? Then why do people hang out in bookstores, if they like people who dance? Or hang out at the gym, if they want people who like to read?
Yes, I know, good dancers go to bookstores all the time. But you won't see them dancing there, so how do you know they're good at it? And while some people at the gym do read on the treadmill, most people are there to work out.
Does this really work?
When I was single, I used to attend and then teach dating workshops because it seemed an obvious place to meet people who liked to go out on dates. One of my dating students asked me out after attending my class.
We're still together 14 years later.
The Single-Sex Alternative
This only works for people who date the opposite sex.
Suppose you're a guy, and figured out that your ideal date likes to attend knitting classes, which will probably consist solely of female students. Or what if you're a girl whose ideal date hangs out at the auto supply store, which will probably have only male shoppers.
Should you be intimidated and not go to those locations?
Absolutely not. If anything, you should see those locations as dating goldmines and go there first:
- You'll automatically attract attention if you're the only man in knitting class or the only woman in an auto supply store.
- You'll have no competition.
- You'll probably learn something new from folks who are willing to teach you.
Please let me know in the comments if any of these dating steps worked for you, and feel free to add your own.
© Copyright 2011 by Aurelio Locsin.
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