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Dating a high maintenance man

Updated on July 11, 2017

Dating a Brat

Have you ever dated someone that drained your energy....and not in a good way?

Tired, alone and always feeling that you will be scolded if you have not agreed to help with something?

You spend more time running after him then you do on anything else, only to find that it is just not good enough.

Dating someone should feel exciting, fresh and fun with no thoughts of being someone's doormat.

Many women have found out the hard way that this type of relationship does not have a happy ending, unless you can accept that your man is a brat and live with it.

Change does not happen to someone and if you have dated a man that expects you to do everything for him, with him and about him, then you are sadly.....going to be doing that for the remainder of your life.

Dating a brat means that you are dating someone that is self absorbed and puts their needs before yours. You will get to hear them tell you what you want to hear for a brief moment but unfortunately, there will be more criticism then compliments.

Here are a few ways to tell if you are dating a high maintenance brat.

Dating Self Absorbed Men

Self absorbed men don't care about anyone but themselves as Drew Barrymore's character discovered in the "Wedding Singer"
Self absorbed men don't care about anyone but themselves as Drew Barrymore's character discovered in the "Wedding Singer"

Hot Pursuit

On the day that you met him, he told you absolutely everything that you wanted to hear;

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen

I feel so connected to you

We have so much in common

This guy will go to the end of the earth to get you to go out with him and once you agree to date, he will then take you to a place that will sweep you off your feet.

There will be a number of these dates and magical moments where you will be convinced that he is the perfect guy for you and that nobody will ever make you feel the way that he does.

Everything will happen so quickly and you might even find yourself moving in with him in the first month!

You will be made to feel special, adored, desired and needed in every single way.

They will pursue you until they have got you completely and will either move on to the next challenge or keep you around and get demanding, expecting more and more from you.

This is a sure sign of a narcissist at play.

He will punish you for saying no
He will punish you for saying no

The word "no" makes him angry

Saying no is not something that a brat will be able to hear and if he is a high maintenance man then he will become withdrawn, angry or overly critical if you utter that word.

A man that is high maintenance usually gets what he wants on demand and he is not used to hearing the word "no."

Should you whisper that word, he will never let you forget it and your life will be made a living hell if you dare.

High maintenance men are self absorbed and always used to getting their own way, especially with the ladies. Their smooth talking antics will real you in and they know exactly how to play on your emotions.

The mistake a woman makes is by saying yes to the first date and being swept away by his hypnotic display of affection, which encourages women to do whatever they can to make him happy.

You have probably said yes and done exactly what he has asked of you from the very beginning and saying no is something that he has not heard of, leaving you the target for endless criticism and guilt.

He will make you feel uncomfortable and you will definitely feel as though you are being punished if he does not get his own way.

A man like this needs constant attention and will make it known that you are the enemy if he is unable to demand from you.

Your feelings don't count

High maintenance men will always make you feel as though you are wrong if you have mentioned that your feelings have been hurt.

Your tears will be in vein as he will not have any concern for your emotional status, even if it is something that he has done to upset you. His job will be to make you feel as though it was you in the wrong and that he is hurt because of you.

He might even suggest that he is hurt because you have made him feel like the problem.

Only his feelings and opinions matter and you could cry and explain the situation over and over again but he will not understand and you will be made to think that it was you that caused your tears.

Forget about having a bad day, feeling sick or having a traumatic experience occur, as he will only think and talk about his own bad experience, leaving you to feel as though you are way to sensitive.

Self absorbed men don't see or notice when you have a problem and if you do approach them, they will never make you feel comforted, you will only feel worse.

What is your secret to a healthy relationship?

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Your emotions will be ignored by a high maintenance man
Your emotions will be ignored by a high maintenance man
Men who have had many failed marriages and relationships will repeat their behaviour
Men who have had many failed marriages and relationships will repeat their behaviour

The Relationship Bicycle

Everyone has had a ride! He is the king of broken relationships, had many failed marriages or he could be older than you and never been married.

This guy has had more failed relationships than anyone that you know and he will blame everything and everyone for his misfortunes but at the end of the day...."It takes two to Tango."

He will tell you that he might not have met the right person or a girl that was ever interested in the same sort of things.

His list could go on and on about how he was cheated on, not loved enough, not given enough attention or just never connected but the truth is that if he has had many failed relationships without having dealt with the problems or break - ups, he might be incapable of having a long, lasting and loving relationship.

Don't assume that you are a breath of fresh air to him and that you will be the lucky lady that changes his life completely because you will become a statistic in yet another failed relationship.

He will never understand your emotions and he will bring out the worst in you
He will never understand your emotions and he will bring out the worst in you

His Inner Demons

Everyone has a passed and many have sad or happy stories to tell but those who have had bad experiences as children, will reflect their bad experiences onto you and unless they can receive help for wrong doings that they experienced, you will never get to have a healthy relationship.

The partner is always the person that will receive the bad end of the deal if it was that your high maintenance man had issues as a child.

You might find that some of his actions or emotions are uncalled for and completely random, with you not having any understanding of where it would be coming from.

Questioning him or his actions would be a waste of time as he will have to face his issues before he could ever allow you in, emotionally.

Unless he can deal with his feelings and come to terms with his inner demons, your relationship will always have bumps and your happiness or sadness will never be acknowledged and your tears, cries of pain or joy, will not be heard.

High Maintenance Men

Your emotions will never be understood

He will always get his own way, even if it hurts you in the process

Honesty is not his forte

You will always be last

He will never change

Past relationships will be a sign of your future

Self Absorbed and Emotionless

If your partner has children or friends, you will find that he will always put himself first and will have no problem abandoning you, the kids or friends for something of more interest to himself, even if you have begged and pleaded for him not to do so a it will hurt you.

His main concern is himself and his self gratification at whatever the cost. He also knows that he can talk you into feeling as though you are the problem.

A high maintenance man does not really have many true friends and he is not at all close to other members of his family. You might need to question why he is not close in relationships with family in order for you to understand what you have gotten yourself into.

Begging and explaining how you feel would be a complete waste of time and the only person that would be getting hurt here is you. He will never understand your feelings and will only make you feel worse.

There could also be nothing worse than pouring your heart out and getting absolutely nothing in return. This relationship will make you feel lonely.

Forget about him spoiling you because if he does go out to get something, it will be for himself.

Watching television, going places will be on his terms and you will end up feeling like the invisible puppy on a leash.

Addictions, Apologies and Irresponsibilities

Addictions to television, alcohol, hobbies, sleeping tablets or any bad habits that you may not feel comfortable with, will not be changed at all.

You will be informed that he does not need your permission to do anything and will continue to do whatever it is, even if you are unhappy about it.

People need to change their ways on their own, it cannot be forced and you will never be able to convince them to do so.

In fact, they will continue on just to teach you a lesson as they are able to do exactly what they want, when they want and however they want.

Should you choose to step out of line and do whatever you want without permission, then jealousy, rage and anger will be what you receive.

They will never say sorry as they will never think that they are ever wrong. A man like this will never learn from his actions and will ignore your reactions every time.

He is not a man that will think further than today and money is something that he just continues to use on himself, regardless of the debt creation.

He will insist on you working harder or making you feel guilty if he runs out of money and he will feel nothing to ask others to help out.

Don't expect him to pay you back any time soon, even if you are in desperate need.

Should he have something serious to do, he will never accept responsibility for his actions and will always blame you for the lack of achievement on his part.

Stand up for yourself
Stand up for yourself

Gain some self respect

You need to respect yourself before anyone else can and if you give in all the time and accept everything without having your own terms, then your partner will think that he can do whatever he wants and you will be fine with it.

Stand up for yourself and respect yourself. Set up some standards and ask yourself what you would really like in a guy and if your partner meets this criteria.

If you have high standards then you will attract better guys who will look after you and respect you and your values.

Never just accept anything and do not be taken for granted because you need to understand that you are worth more than that and there are "plenty of fish in the sea."

Go with your instinct

Trust and honesty are very important factors in any relationship and your instinct has probably never failed you.

Should you feel that he is not being honest with you and everything that he says is collaborated with a good explanation, then you must go with your gut.

If you feel that he is not being honest with you, then you must be correct in thinking that way.

Should you have felt that in every relationship you have been in, then you have issues of your own to work through.

Relationships should feel safe, you must be able to trust your partner and there should be honesty. If he tells you something it should feel as though he is telling you the truth, if it doesn't feel that way, then you need to walk away.

A high maintenance man will have you believing anything that he tells you but the eyes never lie.

Stand your ground

Feeling emotionally drained and insecure, anxious and over worked are all symptoms of dating a high maintenance man.

You are so busy trying to please him that you have no chance to take care of yourself.

This is not a healthy relationship and your man will never understand just how much he hurts you at times, he will never appreciate all that you do for him and will ALWAYS take you for granted, expecting more and more from you, until you can do no more.

Your health, happiness and livelihood depends on you. Put yourself first, learn to say no and walk away from anything that makes you feel bad more times then it does good.

Don't expect change and never feel guilty for standing your ground.


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    • Tashaonthetown profile image

      Natasha Pelati 3 years ago from South Africa

      Thank you and great advice. I wish that women would listen to it as they stay in these relationships which inevitably end badly.

    • Alphadogg16 profile image

      Kevin W 3 years ago from Texas

      This was a very interesting hub Tashaonthetown. After reading this, this doesn't sound like a "high maintenance man" to me, It sounds more like a selfish, immature, overly possessive man with severe self esteem issues. My advice, as man to any woman that is dealing with a man of this nature is to run the other way and don't look back, no matter how sweet his words are.