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Dating a Married Man: How to Keep the Relationship From Failing

Updated on August 12, 2012

A friend of mine once told me, "You can't help who you fall in love with, even if they are married." Whether or not I agree with her statement is not the question, it's whether or not it can work. I know there will be many wives reading this article, so allow me to explain that I do not condone extramarital affairs, this is just food for thought.

So you've started dating a married man.

It's a confusing, frustrating yet passion filled situation you've gotten yourself into. I can't help but wonder why women would be okay with being "The Other Woman", but love does some crazy things to our minds and hearts for that matter. Setting my opinions aside, how do you make it work?

Patience

You will need lots and lots of patience to carry on a relationship with a married man. Whether he is currently married, living at home, going through divorce or whatever the situation may be, HE IS STILL MARRIED. You may find yourself waiting for him to divorce, but what if that never happens? Are there children involved? That only makes it harder for a man to leave home. Are you prepared for this sometimes long and grueling waiting game? Understand this; if a man is married and hiding you from his wife, you are openly allowing him to be unfaithful his spouse and you at the same time. If you honestly believe that a married man is not sleeping with his wife, even if he has a mistress, you may as well invest in purchasing a bridge. If his wife wants sex, he CANNOT SAY NO. She will become suspicious and make his life hell. In my opinion, I would not be able to tolerate knowing that I am allowing a man that claims he loves me, to sleep with another woman. Call me crazy but I have a very traditional way of thinking.

The Ability to Lie

Just picture this scenario. Your phone rings at 1am, you think it's your man calling. Nope, it's his wife, she's found your phone number, a naughty text or call logs flooded with your number. What do you do? What should you say? Keep in mind, if you spill the beans chances are you will open Pandoras Box on your man and yourself. If you want to keep your sanity your best bet is deny, deny, deny. Or sooner or later a phone number is not all his wife will have, she will be knocking down your door with a weapon of some sort ready to drain every ounce of blood from your (in her mind) "home wrecking" body.

Respect for the Wife

At one point in time, this woman was the most important thing in his life. That will never change, you cannot go back to the past and erase it, it's there and it's not going anywhere. There are only two things you can do. Respect the woman for being such a big part of his life, or become the nagging girlfriend that makes stupid remarks and will eventually drive the man back into the arms of his wife.

Even More Respect for The Kids

The one thing you should NEVER, EVER, EVER do, is come between a man and his children. Just imagine if some woman came along and took your father away. It's a devastating experience for the children, and their lives will never be the same. Do not be the reason for a child's tears.

What Do You Think?

Do extramarital affairs ever work?

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    • Carolyn M Fields profile image

      Carolyn Fields 24 months ago from South Dakota, USA

      I have only one comment: if he will do it "with you" - he will do it "to you." By that, I mean, if he is cheating on his wife with you, if he ever leaves his wife and you two have a full-time relationship, it will not be long until he is cheating on you with someone else. It's as simple as that.

    • profile image

      Human 2 years ago

      This is one of the most stupid blog I have ever encountered. I didn't even bother reading the content, the head line itself gave me migraines. Who in their right mind would advice a whore (pertaining for male and female) to try keep a sinful relationship? Seriously? One day, everyone who agreed to this kind of union will know how it feels to be betrayed by the person they love. Worst case scenario, the kids will. Karma-karma.

    • profile image

      Voice of reason 2 years ago

      Hey here's a great idea...don't date a married man. Respect other woman and their relationships. Would you want someone doing the same to you? The man is a piece of sh$& if he cheats so why do you want him anyway? There are literally millions of single men out there ...go find one of them instead. If you don't want to find a single guy, what does that say about you and your mental state? Counseling or self examination is needed. You are on a pathway of self destruction that leads nowhere and no one respects you in this scenario.

    • profile image

      Lisa 2 years ago

      We started having an affair during my marriage of 3 years. It was wonderful and we fell in love I even got a divorce ,then his ex wife becomes homeless and moves in with him and his 2 kids. O was devastated didnt know what to think .I told him I wanted to break it off but he begged me not to and says hes just doing what he has to do for his girls....I try hard to support him and be understanding but it really hurts my heart. Some days I dont hear from him im really ready to give up on him but I love him so much and he swears he loves me also...

    • profile image

      simphiwe 2 years ago

      ..ive just met a married man,the fact that i knw he has a wife keeps me calm.....wer're sooo in love

    • profile image

      goodness 2 years ago

      guys is it good to date an married man

    • profile image

      Julie 2 years ago

      I've been in a relationship with a married man for well over 10 years. I am also married. We both have grown up children now.

      During all this time, I've been waiting for his calls, his sms, his mails with patience. I know that if I am too demanding he will leave me. It almost happened once. So I bear with it as I'm madly in love with him. It either that or be dumped.

      And he is my reason to live!

    • profile image

      Kristina 2 years ago

      Im currently in a relationship with a married man. Been with him for over a year. Its great...we are just booty calls. Its just a sexual attraction. Nothing more, nothing less. We enjoy the no drama sexual relationship .

    • profile image

      Clarity 3 years ago

      Kelly I am in the same position ..it's been 4 yrs !! Originally he did leave his wife for me ,we attempted "a life" but she destroyed the relationship between him and his daughter she was only 3 at the time ...he then pretended we weren't together and he could see his daughter but only if he played the married couple !!! I still am the secret he goes to her house every weekend ...holidays etc I am told nothing goes on he has to do this for his daughter !! The ex spoke to me yrs back and said she knows he loves me BUT she will make him choose the family not me by any means !! And oh boy she did..he does not have the balls to fight ...I am left a dirty secret and like you I want to escape but I love him soooo much ...what now?????

    • profile image

      Kelly 3 years ago

      I am sorry I hate to admit I am tired of being the second best by this man was he is the best thing ever in my life he took me to school for my masters bought me a house and he comes anytime I have met a lot of people around the world I want out but I am all what I am it becoz of him I am a doctor and his wife knows I am in the man's life and it hurts me I don't want to be with him after all he done I want my space and peace and he can't afford taking the break up I am tired of going for cancelling coz he saysI need mental help how do I deal with this....! I have been dating him for 7 years I am tired how do I get of this please help me please

    • Timiarah Camburn profile image

      Timiarah Camburn 3 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

      The best way to "keep the relationship from failing" is not to start it in the first place. Not for any reason of any kind. Don't listen to his lies, don't try to make him love you, and don't think for one minute that you are special. Run, ASAP, or your heart WILL be broken when that day comes that he really doesn't want to be bothered with you anymore. I agree with SOCONFIDENT. To hell with patience, lying and worrying about having to respect complete strangers who don't mean anything to you. Just run. Find a single man or live alone. Either situation is better than being with a married &*^$%!

    • profile image

      Kasiek 3 years ago

      So what about a man who was forced to marry? Marriage without love? Who is working abroad for many years just to run away from her? While visiting home he's living in mom house. Yes kids are involved, one son.

      They have no contact, besides when he's sending her money. But that woman is still waiting him.

      But before she betray him not once but many times.

      He is promising his girlfriend he will marry her, he's doing much to be with her. He's searching new job just to be near his gf. He's jealous about her and he gave her all his passwords. How about men like this?

    • profile image

      jenzzzzzzz 4 years ago

      I agree that you can't help who you're attracted to, because I'm in this kind of relationship that I never thought I would be... I love the guy, however sometimes I wish to end the relationship but I just can't. I can't teach my heart to leave this man. I just wish that someday I can make up my mind and leave for her wife and children.

    • Campus Chatter profile image

      Campus Chatter 5 years ago

      While I think that you can't help who you're attracted to, I agree with the above commenter. Whether you think its love at first sight or your good friends, it is your CHOICES that get you into that situation. The other thing I don't get about women that are okay with being the "other woman", what's to say he's not going to do the same thing to you later on?

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      I have to say I disagree with your friend. You can (help) who you fall in love with! Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There is no way around that. You can't say yes to giving out your contact inforamtion, yes to going out on a date, yes to a kiss tonight, yes to having sex, yes to spending more time together....etc And then one day claim "It just happened!"

      No woman could ever "take" a child's father away. That decision is up to the man. I think we give too much credit to other people or decisions (we make). All relationships are at will. No one is forced to cheat. Just like marriage, it is a choice. Having said that it's been documented that unhappily married men are more likely to cheat than file for divorce. In fact according to statistics in the U.S. 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces are initally filed by women. As you noted most married men will not leave their wife for the other woman. If the other woman is just out ot have fun then she most likely will be happy being on the side.

      I knew a married man who was cheating on his wife and one day he decided to leave his wife for "the other woman". When he told his mistress they could be together full-time she dumped him! Apparently there are some women that love being the other woman and don’t want to see the man daily, do his laundry, cook meals, and share all the other mundane responsibilities that a wife does with her husband. Not all mistresses want to be the wife.

    • soconfident profile image

      Derrick Bennett 5 years ago

      I agree, Its pointless to date a married man your just there to give him some excitement and when he's done he will toss you to the side look yesterdays trash. Just leave it alone.