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Dating a Wimp

Updated on September 30, 2008

As a woman I have always been lead to believe that I should find myself a strong virile man to call my own. That he should watch sports, crush beer-cans on his forehead, and only cry when his football team loses the Super Bowl. This stereotype of a man can be hard to find and if I did find him would I really want to date this alpha male? I have dated a few and they have never been able to provide me with anything deeper than a few months of fun. They have always fallen short in providing me with the deep intellectual and emotional support that I crave.

Maybe what I need is the new sensitive man, a man who will hold my hand and discuss his innermost feelings. The guy who will watch "The Notebook" and ask me to pass you the tissues. But, is this man any better than the alpha male? Do I really want to comfort him every time something remotely unsettling happens, isn't that what my girlfriends are for? What am I to do as a modern twenty-something looking for my Mr.Right?

In my relentless quest I recently dated a wimp. At first I thought he was perfect. He seemed sweet, nice, and ready to fall in love. I kept thinking to myself, "How did I get so lucky?" Two months of blissful weekend dates and the words "I love you" were creeping into my head and holding back in order to be somewhat of a "rules girl" became harder and harder. Then, we planned our first weekend away together. The weekend had all the makings of true romance, a beautiful hotel room overlooking the beach, stormy weather perfect for cuddling, and my sensitive man to enjoy it with.

By the end of the weekend I discovered he was afraid of heights, lightening, stingrays, rip tides, walking, basically any sort of fun. I even had to drive his car to and from the beach. As dishearting as this was, I decided that maybe I was being the rough one. Perhaps, I was expecting too much from him, nobody is perfect. My cat knew better.

The next weekend my cat scratched him on his arm leaving a small scratch less than an inch long. I yelled at my cat and then being the nice girlfriend I apoligized and doted on him the appropriate amount of time. The next day, I went to hold his hand and brushed against his arm, this elicited a yelp and complaints of the extreme pain caused by his grevious injury. On a side note: during the period of 6 months that I dated this wimp he went to the doctor for the following ailments, extreme foot pain, MS, liver disease, testicular cyst, dyhydrated disc, shingles, a scratch on his heel, cold, hepititus, gall stones, extreme headaches, and worst of all a disfunctioning penis. Most of which he did not have, but was always in great fear that he did. At one point he can be quoted as saying,"There's no way giving birth can hurt worse than my feet!"

I know you are thinking, why didn't this girl just dump him? I guess the answer would be I was afraid of being that girl, you know the girl who always leaves the super nice guy and ends up with some loser who doesn't care for her. In the end I realized he wasn't a super nice guy, he was a guy who was in constant need of my attention. He played up his ailments and fears because he didn't have anything else interesting enough to keep my attention. Once the initial infatuation wore off there was no deeper connection to keep us together.

I did learn something from my relationship with the wimp. I learned that I need a man who can mow the lawn, check for creepy noises in the night, and jump into the deep end of the pool without fear of drowning. Crying at "The Notebook" is optional, crying after the Super Bowl could be necessary. My next boyfriend, like my next car, will have to be a hybrid. A man to hold me and protect me from the monsters that lurk in the dark.


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      Leslie 4 years ago

      I've been dating this guy for about five months. And we go the beach one day and this kid(12-13) kept hitting on me. My boyfriend just let him go on and on with rude comments until he finally said something. As if he was scared of the boy. Then the boy said he'll leave if my boyfriend can bet him wrestling. So, they wrestle and the boy kicked his ass easily, despite my boyfriend straining. This boy couldn't be any bigger than 105lbs and 5'2" and bf is 155lbs and 5'11". Afterward the boy spit on my boyfriend and coped a feel of me. My boyfriend shed years, and has complained about it ever since. I don't feel protected anymore if he can't handle a small boy. Is he a wimp?

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      Haley 5 years ago

      Great article!

      @Alexx: Just get over with it. I was in the exact same situation, and I didn't know how to end it. Eventually I did, and now I feel great. That guy was emotionally draining me. He cried for every little thing. He even cried after hurting me, and I was the one who had to comfort him.

      If you feel that he may become suicidal, slowly disengage yourself. Eventually, let him screw up and leave him for that. All the best!

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      Alexx 5 years ago

      I absolutly loved the article! I am actually in the same situation now. Ive been with a wimp for almost 5 years now =/ when we first got together ( i was 16 and he was 17) we fell head over heels for each other. We were each others first for many things. However in the past two years ive started to notice how much of a baby he is!! He constantly wines every time i want to go out with friends. (Which has only happened twice, thanks to him) and he acts desperate for my attention. He fakes pains and emotional issues just for my attention. and im so sick of it!!!! The only problem is i cant leave him now because im scared of how he would react, (he threatened to become suicidal if we ever split.) So now im screwed =/ any suggestions?

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      Poppa Blues 9 years ago

      That's pretty funny! I think what you really need to look for is just someone that shares some of your interests and perhaps more importantly, most of your values. The rest will work itself out! Oh and thanks for stopping by and becoming a fan!

    • Cindere11a profile image

      Cindere11a 9 years ago from San Diego

      Loved it! No wimps - plueeze!

    • Nannette profile image

      Nannette 9 years ago

      The sad thing is I still hear from my family, what happened to that nice guy you were dating?

    • JusRobin profile image

      JusRobin 9 years ago from Virginia

      Hun this is the funniest thing of all! I have dated that guy to? Do you live in Richmond, Virginia. I have been in a very long term relationship off and on and my long term has,was, and always will be the "Alpha Male" he has to be around sports he has to do manly things (i.e. mow the lawn, fix the car, tell me when and how I should be braking in traffic lol). During our numerous breaks, I set out to find someone who was the exact opposite because I was tired of being a "jock's girl" and I needed someone who wanted to cuddle with me on Sunday's and watch something on lifetime! I wanted someone who loved going to the movies to see a romatic comedy every now and again, and wanted to go to a play without thinking that it literally had something to do with sports! Oh but hun, when I found him, the what I thought was the perfect guy, he turned out to be this guy in your article LOL! He did all the right stuff but it was during March Madness during basketball season, when we were sitting on the couch and I was flipping through the channels and wanted to watch a DUKE (GO BLUE) and UNC game and he wanted to watch something on the discovery network! I knew right then and there that me and alpha male belonged together, because how could i be with a guy that didn't get his heart all the way into MARCH MADNESS! Needless to say the next day he got the old I just need sometime to myself talk! I took the time and me and good old Alpha Male are back together and I'm learning slowly but surely to endure all of the bad with the good, as well as teaching the old dog a few new tricks. So dear, maybe you gotta find the alpha guy and make him into your apha man. Good Luck! Nice Hub!