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- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Things He Doesn't Need to Know About Your Past
Before you read this, let me be clear - I am not telling you to lie to your man. I'm not. I'm telling you to think wisely before volunteering things he doesn't need, or want, to know. As I've mentioned previously, some us talk too damned much, and today I'm going to tell y'all some of the things you should consider keeping to yourself.
You shagged your alma mater's football team.
Ok, maybe you were a little randy back in the day. Maybe you spent more time on your knees than a nun in church. Whatever you may have done, if you're a different woman today, you should to keep this to yourself. This is not a question he is automatically entitled to know the answer to, unless you feel like sharing. And if you do share, there's a very good chance your relationship will start to go downhill.
Why? Because, no matter how liberal or laid back a man seems, he doesn't want to picture you shacking up with another man. And he surely doesn't want to picture you shacking up with more than one. He might think he can handle it - he might even promise he'll be able to - but he can't. Why is he asking? Cos, deep down inside, he wants to think you're a classic good girl. He's asking because he hopes you'll confirm this, somehow. Even if he knows you're not, he wants to at least think you might be. This is just one of those things that the absolute truth does nothing for.
You were engaged for 3 days.
If you had a very short-lived engagement of some kind, I'd say you don't need to share this. Now, if the 3 day engagement came on the heels of a 10 year relationship, that's another matter. But if we're talking a quickie Britney style thing where you do something stupid out in Vegas, you're better off keeping that a secret until you're certain he knows you're not a flake.
You've had (and are now cured of) several STDs
Unless you contracted them from him, this is none of his business. If you had the clap back when you were 18, that's the past and you're not obligated to tell him about it. It will make him think you were promiscuous and it will automatically put a negative image into his mind. He doesn't need to know this. If you really want to tell him about this, be aware it's not likely to go over well. Note: He does have the right to know you are currently free of diseases, so do tell him about that.
You had hot lesbian sex with your dorm mate in college.
Guess what? They might all talk like they dig this, but the fact is most men don't want to hear about this either. Oh, he'd probably love to shag you and your dorm mate at the same time - but he doesn't really want to hear about things that happened when he wasn't there. Why? Cos that means someone else was able to turn you on, and he likes to think that special talent lies only with him. If you really want to tell him about this, start out by hinting you may have kissed a girl in school once - if he lights up, you can take it from there. If not, tell him you were drunk and playing Truth or Dare.
Don't tell him who bought you which gift.
I know a few women who've accumulated rather expensive gifts from the men in their lives. They have a tendency to flaunt their jewelry in the faces of their new men, to make them feel like a small spender. This often prompts the purchase of something the poor guy really can't afford. Don't do this. Don't tell him about each guy who contributed to your jewelry box. Besides, if you're shagging for gifts, you're no different than the average prostitute.
So there you have it, 5 things you should really keep to yourself. Some might say I'm encouraging dishonesty, but that really isn't my intention. If you truly love someone and have no intention of shagging the next football team you encounter, I believe you're entitled to keep your past in the past. The human psyche is a powerful thing, and some facts can mess with a guy's (or girl's) head to the point they never get over it. I see no point in ruining a love affair for things that you cannot change, things you no longer do, and things that will never directly affect the other person. Some things are better left unsaid.