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Dealing With Your Husbands Ex-wife - The Saga Continues

Updated on June 21, 2010

"Always is MY way!"

"The Queen of Black Hearts”

I call this one, ‘The Queen of Black Hearts’ because this woman’s motto may as well be, “Always is my way!”

So, I guess I should start with where this all started. If you have read my first hub, Dealing with your husbands ex-wife, then you already pretty much know the roots and I don’t really have to go THAT far back. So, I’m just going to start from where this particular situation has started.

I’ve always been interested in Wicca, it’s no secret to anyone. My 10 year old daughter also has interest in it. Let me first start off by saying (to anyone who isn’t educated in this particular area) that Wicca is NOT devil worship and it’s NOT evil. To break it down as easily and quickly as possible, Wicca is basically a Nature Religion that teaches, “An it harm none, do what ye will.” Wicca is probably one of the purest and most harmonious religions that exist. That being said, I will move on to the real issue and purpose of this hub.

My husband’s three children were over a couple of weekends ago and my 10 year old daughter and 11 year old step-daughter were playing. Now, before I move on, I need to explain a little something about my daughter. For starters, she loves to live in “La-La Land.” She has an incredible imagination and she can play alone for hours with that imagination, pretending to be a cat, a leprechaun, a dog; you name it. So, this particular day, the girls were playing in Sasha's room and my 2 year old son knocked over a bunch of papers. My daughter had "spells" written on one of the pages. My step daughter said, "Oh, a good grade spell! Can you do it for me?" So, they stood within a circle of gemstones and Sasha said a few words about getting good grades. Obviously, this was just harmless play. Everything was fine for a few days until my husband received a text message from his ex. She basically asked him to talk to my daughter and ask her not to do any spells on her children, as it’s against their religion. My husband and I got a small chuckle out of it as we knew that they were just playing around and that it had nothing to do with evil or religion or anything like that. He told her that he would let her know that she would like her to refrain from doing that stuff around the other kids.

We were supposed to have the kids again on Sunday (for Father’s Day) and my husband just informed me that she called him. She asked him if he had spoken to Sasha about the spells and so on. He told her that he had and that she won’t do it again. It could have ended there, right? Wrong!

She started to go on and on about how we shouldn't allow her to believe in stuff like that and how it's wrong. Basically it turned into a religion dispute. My husband doesn't believe in any type of religion, my daughter and I believe in Wicca and his ex and children are Catholic. Before my husband and his ex married, she knew that he had no type of religious beliefs and she asked him if he would mind if the kids were raised Catholic. He had no problems with that what so ever. He still doesn't have a problem with it. I have no problem with it. I don't judge others on what religions they believe in and I expect to have the same sort of courtesy extended towards me. I don't try to convert others or push my beliefs on others, so please don't do it to me. It's ignorant.

The last thing I want to do is have a religious dispute, as I honestly don't care. It is just really getting to me that she believes that her way and her religion is the only "right". Everyone and everything else is wrong. Why should her kids be able to come over here and talk about God and the Devil and Heaven and Hell but my daughter is supposed to hold her tongue about her beliefs, in her own home?! She's not hurting anyone and she's not worshiping Satan. In fact, she doesn't even believe in the Devil at all!

My husbands ex asked what kind of books we let her read and if we are Satan worshipers and so on. I told him to tell her to just Google Wicca if she wants to know about it. I'm not even THAT upset about the fact that she thinks that Wicca isn't a real religion or anything that she thinks for that matter. (Just a quick "fun fact" - Wicca started to officially be recognized as a religion beginning in the 1980's.) The thing that bothers me about it is that she's sitting there trying to tell us how we should raise our daughter and what we should ALLOW her the believe. The thing I really don't get though, is if she's so into her Catholic religion, then why does she send the children to a Baptist school? I don't pretend to know a lot about other types of religions out there, or even claim to know ANYTHING about the many other religions there are. What I DO know is that there are many different religions out there and I pretty sure that not a single one of them have it exactly "right".

I don't judge or criticize other people for what they believe or have faith in and I don't think that it's right for others to do so.

So, to put a conclusion to this hub - for now - I will end it by saying, we are not getting to have the kids over on Sunday for dinner as we planned. Now she is just going to be stopping by with them so that they can give my husband his Father's Day gifts. Until next time.... Blessed Be!

It's your choice.

Like I stated above. I don't try to convert or push religion on anyone. I have added these links in case anyone would like to learn more and educate themselves. That's the beauty of CHOICE.


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    • Ginsana profile image


      8 years ago from Colorado

      Well in her head we are one big happy family!!?? I am not going to be silent anymore. I HAVE never bad mouthed her to the kids even tho she had told them some crazy crap about me. She insults me on FB, I dont cook and do all the stuff I did when my kids were little. I work full time and not to mention 4 of the 5 are TEENAGERS..they can do stuff for themselves. I DO NOT believe in waiting on them hand and foot.

      You are not being selfish. You are just not going to be a doormat anymore. My ex hubby and I are friends and he gets along with my hubby, and he would NEVER do any of the crazy crap she does. I am soo tired of it.

      I am glad you are taking a stand. Sounds like your "ex" and mine should live I call her my exwife, because she thinks she is..umm I dont take her shit nor am I scared of her stupid rants.My fav part is when she tries to tell me what to do?? Not so much. I am so glad I found someone who not only sympathizes but can empathise..It is a loney place to be where we are. Thank you for your posts.

      Blessed be..


    • NikkiSpangler profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thank you for your comment. I don't know what goes on in some peoples heads. No way she should be in YOUR house doing anything! I can't believe she has the gull to do that! She thinks that just because her kids live there that she can come and go as if she lives there too. That's ridiculous!

      I know that some people think (mostly from the first ex-wife hub, that I'm being selfish and not thinking about what's best for the kids; they can think that all they want but unless they have been in a similar situation, they have no idea! I mean, there's only so long you can keep your mouth shut and take the "abuse" from the ex before you go off the deep end. Other people not in our kinds of situation my think that it would be easy to get along, especially for the kids sake, but it's not always possible. I would be nice, but this is not a perfect world and some of these people just don't get it. I've had enough and I have decided that I will no longer keep my mouth shut. Just because I married her ex does not mean that I deserve to be treated badly.

      Thanks again for your comment and good luck to you!

      Blessed Be!

    • Ginsana profile image


      8 years ago from Colorado


      Merry Meet...I too am in your shoes. I have been practicing Wicca since I was 17 yrs old. I have two beautiful daughters that are 17 and 15. I married the man of dreams ( my second marriage) and he has three wonderful kids. 14, 13 and 11. He comes with the package from hell!!!! She is a so called "hippie" not sure what that means. She calls all the time, she is intrusive and seems to be in and out of the kids lives for years. I have been very good at ignoring her. (despite the crazy ass calls all hours) She tells her kids things about me that are not true. In fact recently she came to MY house, went thru the kids rooms and cleaned them!!! OMg while I was sleeping I work graves. I am a 911 dispatcher and my husband is a police officer. She has no respect for anyone. You mention her name in town and people cringe and tell me how sorry they are I have to deal with her. She walks all over my husband and I get aggrivated. Even my ex husband cant stand her. She comes in our house and just does whatever. I have been rude, firm and matter of fact and my husband just wants to avoid conflict. We have the kids 4 days a week. she wants us to pay for the expensive things She signs the kids up for, and does not have a job. Her current husband is in the military stationed in MO!!! Im sick of the snide comments. I work my ass off for what we have, and I get really touchy about the Wicca comments too. I feel for you..really I do..thank you for the hubs, they are getting me thru.

      Blessed be..



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