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Dealing with Break Ups - The No Contact Rule

Updated on June 19, 2013
More than 45% of relationships break within the first few months
More than 45% of relationships break within the first few months

Have you just broken up with your ex? You are heart broken, you want this person back in your life or you just want to be friends with him/her. Well, let me break it to you - friendship between exes never works as doesn't renewal of the relationship. You are in serious need of a large dose of the no-contact-rule.

What is the no contact rule?

It is as simple as this - don't call or chat with your ex. Just don't get in contact with him/her. It may sound a hard thing to do in the beginning, but you better believe it! The no contact rule really works and it will help you easily overcome the pain (if any), heal yourself and move on.

How to apply the no contact rule?

The no contact rule basically requires strong will, but if you feel like you are not strong enough then you should take emergency measures. Get your pone right now and delete the phone number of your ex. Bock him/her in the social media sites and wherever you feel you may contact said person.

Why and with what will the no contact rule help you?

To start off, applying the no contact rule is one of the biggest steps to take in closing a chapter of your life. Yes, you may have had some wonderful times with your ex, but they are history. If you don't leave everything in the past you won't be able to open yourself and experience new emotions, friendships and who knows, maybe even new love.

The main reason for break ups is failure to find common ground; the second reason being cheating.
The main reason for break ups is failure to find common ground; the second reason being cheating.

You've decided to take up the no contact rule, now what?

We've all been in the situation where we've shared most of our time and moments with just one person, but him/her is out of our lives. So what do we do? Well here are just a few examples:

a) Go out more - even if you don't have anyone to call, just go out! Going out is really helpful when applying the no contact rule. Don't let depression get to you and wear a smile on your face wherever you go. To the market, to the park, to the bar - there are people everywhere. You will see how fast things will turn around. You will be able to meet new people and build new relations.

b) Get in touch with forgotten friends - We all have these old friends that we never call, but we still keep their numbers in our phone books, just in case. If not now, when is the right moment to call them? Get together, discuss old stories, but remember - don't talk about your ex. If you think of calling someone just to sob on their shoulder - don't! It will be painful for both of you. Remember about the no contact rule, and just enjoy life and let happiness get to you.

c) Tell your best friend - If you have a close friend you can trust, you can tell him/her about the no contact rule you are applying to yourself. They will surely help you and support you.

Most people experience the wildest urge to contact their ex between the first and second month after the break up.
Most people experience the wildest urge to contact their ex between the first and second month after the break up.

d) Be yourself - People change when they are with someone and even if you don't want to admit it, you've changed too. Well, the person who made you change isn't around you so now you are able to focus on being yourself. Remember the no contact rule and just embrace the old hobbies and habits you've had, before meeting your ex. Embrace what used to make you happy and do just that. There are no rules, now that your ex is gone. And keep in your mind - the no contact rule is good for you. If you are yourself, you will be with someone who appreciates who you are in no time.

e) Go on the rebound - It may sound as a stupid idea, but it really isn't. It will help you a lot. You will be able to follow the no contact rule more easily and you will be able to let go of your past. And sex always helps. Most of the time we are not admitting it, but sex is a really powerful thing. As you are now free, you can go on the rebound and meet someone for just the pure joy and excitement of a sexual relationship.

If the no contact rule is applied, people begin to feel happier and move on around the second or third week after the break up.
If the no contact rule is applied, people begin to feel happier and move on around the second or third week after the break up.

Follow the no contact rule and don't give up

Whatever you are thinking, there is just no point in applying salt to the open wound. The no contact rule applies to everything. Avoid places that remind you of him/her, avoid "casual" meetings, throw away old gifts, photos and notes. Don't call and contact said person and just delete them from your life. In the beginning it is always hard, but you will see that it is the most wonderful thing you can treat yourself to, after a harsh break up.Go out and enjoy life, because it's there! Love and Happiness are everywhere around us! Don't give up, apply the no contact rule and help yourself with healing the old wound!

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    • RobinBull profile image

      Robin Bull 3 years ago from Moore, Oklahoma

      This is particularly important if your ex is a narcissist. No contact. At all.

    • profile image

      wh 3 years ago

      what the wow this is just garbage go on a rebound and have sex yeah that's a good idea isn't it lets use people after a breakup you let the emotions out naturally you don't use people to help you because your hurting them your keeping them around to heal then you drop them is it fair to that person no plus our not releasing it you holding it back eventually it has to come out your just draging it on

    • Ivan Ivanov profile image
      Author

      Ivan Ivanov 4 years ago from Plovdiv

      There are a lot of different variations of the situation you are explaining, so I can't really give you a good adivce, but I would say that it is quite possible to ignore your ex in every situation. Or, if you are not able to do that, go to a vacation for a few weeks, give yourself time alone to think and rethink everything that made you two break up .. do not try to explain to yourself how would things get better, but try to think what would really happen if you got back together, would everything be perfect.

    • profile image

      seremir 4 years ago

      Thank you for this article. Still there are some questions people may ask in order to understand why they must apply this rule to themselves... You have said at the beginning that "friendship between exes never works as doesn't renewal of the relationship." This must be clarified. People learn on their mistakes, become wiser and therefore many of them hope that renewed relationship will be stronger and happier. Also, there are situations when no-contact rule is not applicable if ties in the community are strong and people use to see each other quite often, so that they have to keep friendly relationships anyway. Any comment on this?

    • Escobana profile image

      Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

      Very good and informative Hub about a topic I just recently had some experience with. The no contact rule works!

      Other than that I love your last tip. Go on the rebound. Next to being yourself the rebound is maybe the most powerful way to get over your hurtful break up.

      To plan a travel on your own and head out there as a single, free and liberated person, will also add to a feeling of happiness although I have to say that sobbing, has to be part of your break up too.

      To feel hurt and to share your sadness for a few weeks with some good friends is absolutely necessary in order to cleanse yourself and start all over.

      Awesome Hub, shared and voted up!

    • Ivan Ivanov profile image
      Author

      Ivan Ivanov 4 years ago from Plovdiv

      Thanks for the comments ...

      @Stina Caxe: You are right that any contact is really hurtful or both sides of the relationship ... However, I am glad cutting off all contact with your ex paid off for you .. :)

      @DashingScorpio: Obsession is whole another topic. I mean, normally if a person tries to force contact or establish "indirect contact" as you say, I believe they are obsessed in a way with you ... Often obsession can be a good thing; however, if it is not shared and controlled by both sides, it can lead to rather awful consequences ...

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      You've offered some sound advice. Too often people try offer "instant friendship" as a consolation prize when breaking up. This tends to raise false hope for the person that was dumped. It's impossible to go directly from being lovers to "platonic friends". The best shot one has for being "friends" is after there has been a sizeable time gap preferably after both parties are dating other people.

      It's probably wise to tell your ex that you are going the "no contact" route for awhile. This helps to set their expectations. Oftentimes the person who was dumped will try to force contact by being "thoughtful" for example your birthday comes up soon after the breakup they'll send you a gift or card to make you feel "obligated" to contact them. In other instances if they have bonded with your family or friends they will use them to continue to establish "indirect contact".

    • Stina Caxe profile image

      Cristina 4 years ago from Virginia

      This is a good rule. I always tried to be nice and stay in touch but it drove me crazy. Even my most recent ex and I tried to stay friends and I think it hurt both of us more than did good for us. Since we have cut off all communication it has been so much easier for me to move on and forget the happy times that I was missing.

    • Ivan Ivanov profile image
      Author

      Ivan Ivanov 4 years ago from Plovdiv

      Thanks! I tried to go into detail about it, because the no contact rule always works for me :)

    • ZRMoore profile image

      ZRMoore 4 years ago

      I found your article to be very informative. I have always applied the no contact rule, and it really does work. You can't move on from that person if your in constant contact with them. The best thing to do is cut off all contact so that you can get over the relationship faster. Great Article!