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- What is Love?
I first met Jay at a Christian Fellowship. He looked so good while playing the bass in front of the crowd during Thanksgiving feast in 2005. I knew nothing about him at that time - not even his name. I knew nothing about Christian Fellowship either, so all I ever did was observe the gatherings until my eyes was locked at his direction.
I am not sure if he was looking at me, but I felt like he did. From that moment, I laid my eyes on him, until the fellowship was over, all I ever did was secretly looked at him. I thought I am not going to see him again anyway, so I took my time.
The next morning, I was greatly surprised to see him at the College of Engineering. He had an 8:30 - 10:00 class at the same room where I would have my 10:00 -11:30 class.
Life is full of surprises they say. Destiny was never contented making Jay my colleague, as I later found out that he was living in our neighborhood. It meant that I can watch him pass by whenever I got a chance.
It had been an exciting experience for me. However, liking someone but never having the chance to get close is a far greater struggle. I felt like my heart stopped whenever I met him at the street. I can't help but stole a glance through the pile of books when he came to the library. I can't resist myself from staring at him during fellowship. I can't help but secretly smile as I wait for his class to finish. He had always made my day.
My feeling grew as the days flew. I was so overwhelmed that I shared that secret to my housemates. That was a wrong move because the information eventually got to him.
After that I became paranoid. I suddenly felt like he was making moves to take advantage of my feelings, so I tried harder to ignore him. Sometimes, I just acted like he was just ‘someone that I used to know.’
I’ve tried ignoring him until his graduation. Deep inside, I wished that he'd stay but I knew his family is waiting for him. I need to let him go. I remembered praying, "Lord, if he is really for me, please allow him to come back."
Guess what? He did come back after a year, but he didn't stay. At that time, I didn't even know he was at the campus. I just saw him looking at me - and our eyes met. Time froze; I was suddenly paralyzed and speechless. I was greatly surprised that I want to burst out in tears.
Then I remembered my prayer. It was a moment of answered prayer. I suddenly felt sure that he was mine. From that day on, I had decided to wait for 'our' right time.
On Valentine's Day 2009, we have an activity at the apartment. We were asked to write a letter of promise to our 'God's will.' I wrote a letter and wore a cheap ring with him in mind. I eventually lost the letter, but I kept the ring throughout these years.
Few years later, he came to Manila to work. After graduation, I also came home to Manila to stay. One of our common friends invited both of us. For the first time after a long time, I was finally able to talk to him as a friend. It felt great seeing him again, chatting him through Facebook and texting him occasionally.
I thought that time was right for us, but I was wrong. Jay got sick and he needed to go home. I missed another chance on him, but I managed to hold on – because I am sure that he is for me.
Right now, I am 33 years old. Many of my friends were wondering why I am still single. Many thought I was just too choosy, some thought I am a lesbian, most of them thought I am a man-hater, but they were wrong. They just didn’t understand that I am just waiting for the right man – for my man to come back with his right love at the right time.
I know that there are other people who don’t understand me, but would you be willing to wait for the person that was destined for you?