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Dear Female: The Letter That Needed to Be Written

Updated on January 26, 2018
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Charmaine is a native of the East Coast of Australia who is a freelance writer and poet who loves the unexpectedness of the Divination Arts.

I'm Walking Away
I'm Walking Away | Source

Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self respect, values and morals and self worth.

Dear Female,

I, too, now dislike you.

I, too, now dislike working females.

I, too, now feel disinclined to give you a helping hand up.

I, too, now dislike how you have given your power away to the culture of patriarchy and not fulling the destiny you were meant to follow.

To me, you are stumping the width and depth of who you can become. That is, not as a female, although that is a part of your life’s pathway, but as an interesting human being that any male or female would like to befriend and get to know.

Everytime I start picking up the pieces of my life someone knocks them out of my hand again. It gets so tiring to pick them back up because they get smaller and smaller each time-whisper

What Can a Patriarchial Female Look Like?

What I see now, is you mimicking your version of masculinized patriarchy. Simultaneously, absconding your gender identity and expression and the role it plays out in relation to the dynamic of patriarchy in our culture and society.

A patriarchal female is a female who adopts the military style of command and control. Here, tone is curt, derisive, highly judgemental, spreading of intimate knowledge as relational aggression is exercised right through to violent abuse in either physical form or psychological from where a support system or financial income is eroded and/or removed.

Your references to other females are as bitches; together with commonly using foul mouthed language such as f__k or c__t. Words that are offensive to the female ear; and often heavily used by patriarchal males in relation to females. Again, these females manifesting a chauvinistic male are setting out to objectify females and who still thinks that a female’s role in life is just to serve up sex or food at his command.

Working patriarchal females play the one upmanship game, too. Definitely, not giving a hand up but instead a hand down.

I Thought Sharing the Same Gender Meant We Were Friends

I believed that because you shared a gender with another that you naturally would become friends. I’m not saying, because you are of the same gender you are automatically going to play favourites. No, that isn’t what I mean. Nor do I mean, that you are then an automatic player in the sisterhood game. No, not that, either.

Being a female is hard in a workplace. Let alone females hating their own kind. Men don’t appear to do that. They show mateship-through the automatic men’s club.

I believed and still do believe, that if a female is doing a competent job, then females in leadership positions should recognize and validate that. In my experience, I didn’t see this happening. But if I did? This action would kickstart more supportive connections and relationships between females but also between the sexes. And the cascade effect would be happier females, who then would carry that home and make better partners and mothers.

As a society and culture, we are sustaining our elementary emotional status in relationships in comparison to the fast development of our technological expertise.

Nine-year-old boys and girls are educating themselves about relationships by watching porn on the net. Here, they are learning that relationships are about violence, violent sex, and domination over submission. And that females are only there to be a man’s source of gratification and source of entertainment.

I cannot believe it. It is the 21st century.

Cry Baby, Cry

Emotions are deeply moving. Emotions can move us to take our own lives or take the lives of others. Emotions are powerful. Yet, it gets the least amount of attention.

If life had given me the circumstances to have my own children, I would have had us become naturalists. Because to me, being a naturalist would be one relaxing way to introduce the children to feel heslthy about their bodies and becoming aware how everyone’s body differs in size and shape and that is okay. Being a naturalist would take the edge of penises, vagina’s, and sex.

Whether we realize it or not, or whether we like it or not, we are influenced by others. It takes strength and independence of mind to steer clear of assumptions made about yourself by other people and thereby, the true or false assumptions you end up making about yourself.

You are the only one that can become clear in your mind who the real you, is.

Could There Be Another Way of Looking At How Females Hate Other Females?

Is it possible to look at this female hate female situation in another way?

What is it about the female gender that is so despicable, so guttural, so unrewarding and so unwantingly?

I think its reasonable to say for centuries (and still in the 21st century) females are still working out how best to survive and earn kudos in a man-loving patriarchal culture. I believe it is ultimately up to the male to relinquish his grip on the state of affairs and female issues. The males have to find reasons to share the power with females.

Females have taken the not rock your boat approach of displaying obedience to grow some degree of kudos. But the appeared reach for equality is still through mimicking the patriarchal way.

What next? Females put a stop to the harsh condemnation or setting of unreachable standards of action to be performed by a female person. Females I say to you just try giving an inch not a mile to another female person and see how you go. Just try to lift a female up and out and not sink to the bottom.

Toxic relaitonships not only makes us unhappy, they corrupt our attitudes and disposition in ways that undermine healthier relationships and prevent us from realizing how much better things can be-Michael Josephson

What Can We Learn from Females Hating Females?


*females end up becoming the same group of people that made us second class citizens that has and is keeping us females in vulnerable, needy, and humiliating circumstances.


*being a female is not about having supernatural powers or abilities above and beyond being a male. So, stop wanting to burn females at the stake, literally or metaphorically.

* to me, females that mimic or espouse chauvinistic methods or tendencies, is more violent and scarier than a male because at least males show up front what you are dealing with. Females can be more cunning and deceptive than males.

How to Increase Female Likeability?

*keep modifying the old command and control leaderships style.

*we need to practice tooting our own horn when we have done something authentically well done. If men are not going to do it for us, we have to practice doing it for ourselves, and for the sake of our children-both girls and boys. This action will not only serve to expand your range of influence but also inform others of what you do well-your capabilities.

*be more supportive to females, where you can. Keep staff interested and involved. Be generous with your acknowledgements. Let your employees know what you admire about them, and what you value about them. Research has displayed that appraisals are highly regarded by females over males.

*practice, practice, practice delegating when you get into a leadership role. Females can find this easier to do than males because females have learnt how teamwork can achieve much more rather than through the effort of one.

*likability. If you are modest or taught to be silent and have no opinions, start practising daily sharings of your personal and world views so people can get to know you more. When people get a sense of you, they then find it easier to trust you and therefore, likeability barometer shoots up.

In saying that, don’t throw out your values or principles. You have to be firm here. However, share where and what you care for. Get involved where you can.

*decisiveness. I like to consider many viewpoints before settling. However, this lag phase can work against you if you are placed in a leadership role. Research findings have found that if you can bring yourself to act decisively even when you feel less than 80% confident, then you are home and host.

The Way Forward in Leadership for the 21st, Whether Male or Female

Anne Perschel is a leading psychologist who advocates that the 21st Century needs this style of leadership whether you are female or male.


-being able to think of others and walk a mile in their shoes

-make sure others feel included and needed

-offer a hand up instead of letting them sink or swim

-use both logic and imaginative faculties

In Conclusion

On a personal note, I believed that all females would be natural friends with one another. Not so. I have learnt many, many years down the road that supposed friends were actually haters and were frenemies. I tell you some females a very good at disguising their relational aggression. Or, maybe I didn’t want to know?

German Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1851) said that male strangers or acquaintances shared only indifference, while with females, it was enmity.

Australian Historian, Nick Dyrenfurth, found that Australia inherited the tradition of dehumanizing relationships between females. The female to female hatred has been explained as a biological left-over drive because of the need for females to compete with other females to secure a male’s attention, which would be crucial to whether a female would survive her life or not.

From the few little shared moments about the females on my mother side, they all wanted a career but their parents denied that world outside the home and therefore were forced to secure a man in order to survive, even though we didn’t feel confident that we could keep a man. And so, the feared prophecy became fact more often than not. The men we were attracted to, liked spreading their seed.

Fallen women tend to objectify, belittle and sabotage attractive females who are comfortable in their bodies and with their gender.

Last thoughts. You females that hate other females? You are the bottom line permission givers to men to enable them to continue hating and domestically abusing, violating and denigrating females.

So, stop it.

Start to learn to like things about your female gender, and where you can, give a hand up to a female. Not a smack down.

We can do it.

I am optimistic.

I have experienced

See results

© 2018 Threekeys


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    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 2 months ago from Australia

      Yes, those qualities are human qualities we would benefit from in this current atmosphere. We will get there. Thank you for coming over to visit Venkatachari

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 2 months ago from Hyderabad, India

      You presented a very important and worthy message that is very badly needed for this present atmosphere.

      I like the essential qualities recommended by you for any male or female at the last paragraph.

    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 2 months ago from Australia

      There is something about language. I am not exempt from cussing at odd times but is when or who or how it is expressed. I just personally find those words can be like sewerage scum being thrown your way, and/or over you.

    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 2 months ago from Australia

      Yes, I agree with you. True equality is about homouring individuality.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 months ago

      Very interesting!

      "I believed that because you shared a gender with another that you naturally would become friends. " Not likely!

      Women have always been super competitive with other women and aside from a select group of females in their "inner circle" they view the rest of them a potential enemies not be trusted.

      In the U.S. it's not uncommon for a group of female friends to put down other women they see based upon how they dress, their hair, makeup, nails, weight and so forth.

      They seem to do if for amusement. Even our pre award shows on "the red carpet" are about (women looking at what other women chose to wear) and then deciding which ones were "hits" and which ones were "misses" the following day.

      People Magazine oftentimes publishes photos of two female celebrities wearing a similar outfit the caption:

      "Who wore it best?"

      Another area of discourse is progressive versus traditional women lifestyle choices. The progressive women are often quick to slam women who don't feel the need to compete with men in business and look forward to marriage and motherhood. In their mind women with traditional values are holding them back. Therefore they will put down a woman who is a stay at home mom or consider her as being "weak".

      If she's not "Pro-Choice" she's a gender traitor!

      True equality isn't just about equal pay for equal work. It's also about respecting one's {individuality and their choices}. Having "the option" is what equality and freedom are about.

      Yes it's possible to be a man and a feminist, black and a Republican, a woman and a housewife without being a sellout. Life is a (personal) journey.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Well that is interesting. Any kind of this lack of respect bothers me. Foul nasty language in front of a lady gives me the heeby jeebies.

      But and optimistic too.