ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Debunking the Myth: Finding Love After 40

Updated on July 5, 2011

Masked Marauder

I wonder who started the myth that women over 40 don't stand an ice cube's chance in hell of finding a mate and marrying, whether for the first time or the 5th. Seems to me that there are loads of women over 40 who are not only extremely attractive, they're also more comfortable in their skin, more confident, and certainly more compassionate than their younger counterparts. So why do such myths continue?

If I were given a magick lamp and offered the opportunity to 'go back' to any age, I wouldn't choose any of them. I like being where I am. I like the feeling of knowing who I am and not having to subscribe to anyone else's version of who I 'should be'. I love the calm that washes over me when I'm confronted by anyone who thinks they have the right to challenge my beliefs. Most of all, I love knowing that when push comes to shove, the one person in the world I can count on is ME. It comes from living. It comes from settling in with my Self. It comes from having loved and lost and survived the whole ugly mess. Truth be told (and that's another thing that this Skin provides: truth!), I am a far better woman now than I ever was at 25 or 30. In fact, when I was in my 20's, even though I thought I had the world in my hands and nothing could stop me from doing anything I wanted, I was a total train wreck. Really. A train wreck. My feigned confidence was abrasive arrogance. I had no patience. I was a masked marauder eager for my next victim. SHEESH! What I didn't know (way back then) was a LOT.

Where are all the good ones?

I believe there are 2 kinds of men in the world: those who know who they are and those who pretend to be someone else. (This is not exclusive to men; however, I need to make a point here...so bear with me, 'k?) I have seen many a marriage torn apart after 20 years because he found someone younger. He leaves his wife, who put him through college, bore his children and put up with his baloney while he was working his way to 'the top', all in the name of waning virility or some stupid mid-life crisis crap. He grabs up the little chickadee who makes him "feel like a man" and ditches the woman who gave her all.

Then there are the other kind. The men who do not fear their mortality. The ones who wouldn't dream of leaving their beautiful wives for a younger model. The ones who see her for who she is, in all her aging glory, and love her even more. The ones who understand that her beauty goes far beyond what can be seen with the eyes. The ones who were there when she was a train wreck and stayed for the ride anyway. The ones who went through as many changes as she did but stuck it out because they made a promise. These are the very men who'd marry a woman over 40 and be grateful for the chance. Question is, where are these men?

They're with their wives, that's where. The reason a woman over 40 might have a bigger challenge marrying is not because she's over 40. it's because most of the men who would love to marry her are already married. They were smart enough to know what they got when they got her...and held on tight. Smart men with their promises intact.

The other ones, the ones who left their wives for the little chickadee, are likely to be divorced (again...) because the little chickadee got fed up of his tired old ass and ran off with a younger man. So Mr. Lonely Bonehead is on the prowl for someone with lower standards or, at the very least, a night or two of false promise. No amount of pleading is going to get the 'old lady' back because she is not only wise to his ways, she has raised her standards and won't settle for less than she knows she deserves. Stalemate.

Plenty of fish?

There's actually an online dating site called just that. "Plenty of Fish". Go figure. There are also websites for older women, one of which is called "CougarDating.com". When I first saw that TV ad, I laughed til I nearly fell off the couch. My Sweetie (who does happen to be a bit younger, but not because I was stuck on any of that age stuff. It just turned out that way.), came in from the other room to see what was so funny. I told him about the ad...and we had a good laugh together. I say "to each her own". Whatever floats your boat. Point is, short of going to the grocery store in hopes of bumping into the next hopeful in the produce department, there are plenty of options for women (and men) who might like to stretch a little.

I'm not suggesting that there is any truth to the myth. Nor am I suggesting that there is a shortage of good men in the world. I am suggesting that it's not about how old you are. It's not about the baggage you might have carried with you for too long. Ditch that baggage and get on with it. There is great thrill in starting over. New adventures are what keep us thirsty. Hold yourself in high esteem. Sing your own praises. Honor who you are and quit worrying about how "attractive" you may or may not be. Because it has been my experience that "beautiful" and "sexy" and "desirable" are all outward manifestations of one thing:

The courage to be who you are.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • danfresnourban profile image

      danfresnourban 6 years ago from Fresno, CA

      Excellent Hub, I particularly like the quote by Maya Angelou. That could not be more accurate, courage is vital. Particularly with matters of the heart.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)