Destructive Relationships: Is It Really Possible to Deal With It Effectively?
What is a bad relationship? What does it take to make one too toxic for everyone involved? Cruelty of the verbal and physical persuasion are prime examples of a relationship gone horribly wrong. When it comes to bad relationships, there is no easy way to fix things without totally deconstructing everything that's happened from the past to the present day issues. Of course, not all bad relationships are of the romantic kind. Some are based purely on poor family relations that started healthy and went rapidly downhill over the years. A sign of affection, or mild admiration, is a factor in any relationship at some point. Well, the better days at least shared a lot of sunny days that outweighed the terrible storms that plagued your doorstep.
How can you deal with a relationship that is so unhealthy that it shakes your very core? What about one that's based on a lie or a major manipulation? Is it possible to overcome the past for a better future or should you sever all ties and move on? Here are three scenarios to help suggest with solving the problems in a destructive relationship and the lengths needed to go to fix or end things. Read on to see if your troubled relationship, romantic or otherwise, is listed and see what steps you should take before you make the next move.
Family Troubles- When it comes to fairy tales, there's no greater one than that of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. It also had a very dark dynamic between Snow White and the Evil Queen. The relationship, or lack thereof, between the two was that of an estranged mother and daughter who never saw eye to eye. The Evil Queen resented Snow White for being everything that she wasn't and threatened to destroy her. This scenario is kind of like a Mommie Dearest situation, minus the wire hangers. The mother figure can never accept that the child has surpassed them in every way. Two new movies (Mirror, Mirror and Snow White and the Huntsman) played upon this tainted relationship in their respective films to different degrees. Mirror is a more comical take that showed the Queen (Julia Roberts) had great dis-interest in doing anything to help Snow White (Lily Collins). In Snow, the Queen (Charlize Theron) would willingly kill Snow White (Kristen Stewart) to get her out of her life for good. The ultimate moral of both stories can be boiled down to Snow White forgetting about pleasing the Queen and forging her own path. Sometimes, not even the greatest amount of work can save a relationship that was never there to begin with. If something was once there, it would be wise to see a therapy to repair any old or new wounds immediately. Remember to apologize for any wrongdoings, real or imagined, as often as possible.
Destructive Friendships- Do you have a friend or a roommate that tended to give way too much effort to be your friend? Is their devotion considered to be stalker related or just an over-eagerness to please? In the movie Single White Female, Allison (Bridget Jones) placed an ad in the newspaper to find a roommate after her relationship just ended. Enter Hedy (Jennifer Jason Leigh) who was eager to make Allison forget about her broken relationship. She wanted to be close with Allison and literally wanted to be her. Hedy got the same haircut and started to dress like her as well. Pretty soon Hedy's devotion turned deadly. Is it possible to determine when your friend is a people pleaser or borderline psychotic? Yes, there is a solution that requires a direct but tactful approach, which allowed you to confront your friend without pushing them over the edge. Maybe, it's time to put a little extra effort in your friendships without going way too overboard. The best solution would be to not pick roommates off of Craigslist, because you never know who you may get in the process. Be trusting, but not naive to the possibilities that something isn't right with your friend or roommate.
Doomed Relationships- Can a relationship work if one party is far too controlling or deceptive? Once the scales are off-balance, it's only a matter of time before things start to fall apart. In the movie Sleeping With the Enemy, Julia Roberts played a young wife who was married to a very abusive and controlling man. He treated his wife like a possession instead of a regular person. Instead of initially confronting him, Roberts' character fled the situation and tried to live under the radar. Unfortunately, everything always manages to come back to haunt you. In reality, people who are abused in any way should confront their attackers by going to the police and charging them. Any relationship that unhealthy can only end in a court of law or with one of them ending up dead.
The other end of the fated relationship equation followed one if the romance was based on a lie from the start. In The Hunger, Miriam (Catherine Deneuve) was a vampire looking for a lifelong vampire companion. She studied humans and would pick one that she found suitable to turn into one in order for them to hunt together. What she left out was that forever had an expiration date that got shorter with each new lover. Her last husband John (David Bowie) withered away a lot sooner than she expected. Her latest conquest Sarah (Susan Sarandon) wasn't a willing participant, but Miriam seduced her and turned her without her knowledge. Sarah had feelings for Miriam, but she felt manipulated into becoming someone she didn't understand. What you do if you enter a relationship under false pretenses? Would you continue dating them with a clean slate in hand or end it immediately? You be judge. Does love conquer everything, even lying? Think carefully before you make your next move. Hearts are on the line.
In the end, some relationships are meant to be saved no matter how much aggravation is involved in fixing them. Therapy bills aren't as important in repairing the damage between a mother and a child or an estranged married couple. Harsh words can be exchanged, but nothing so damaging that it can undo the love that's been there since birth. Yes, mistakes can be made. We are only human and were are not even close to perfect beings. Even though, some mistakes are fixable and can be forgiven. They shouldn't always be forgotten. If the cruelty worsens, it should be time to consider that the best thing to do would be to end things before any more damage can be done. Decide your threshold for abuse and stick with it. If you reach your limit, it's time to leave for good. Plain and simple. No excuses necessary.