- Gender and Relationships
How to Develop a Romantic Life
What sounds the most romantic to you?
The mainstream world and capitalism has everyone by the throat when it comes to dating.
I’d like for all of us to find the nearest soap bar and cleanse ourselves from all the milestones, labels, and hopes that society has attached to us. I’m not saying all of it is bad, but I think we need to reset and start from scratch. In fact, starting from scratch is exactly what you need (the quality of baking increases by seventeen thousand when you make a cake from scratch rather than some goofy cake box mix that has small pieces of metal in it. You’ll understand if you start baking from scratch.)
With that, none of you need the formula for dating that people have offered to you your whole life. This is coming from someone who has written a lot on how attraction works, and a lot of it is to grab your attention and help you out. But I’m trying to write something more genuine here. Something I believe in more: you’re real goal that you need is being cool with yourself and not giving a damn about dating to begin with. Dating is a weak construct, and it hasn't been around that long. Love will unfold naturally, so when it comes to who you’re seeing, why you’re not seeing anyone, and all this... don’t bat your eyes at it. Society wants to bother you with this nonsense and say that their way is normal. But don't care -- normal is being reinvented every second. Plus, you’re doing just fine. And it’s not anyone’s damn business.
Society makes billions of dollars on the love industry from harmless romantic comedies, casual dining, and the horrific – human trafficking. The thing is falling in love, building a family, and family reunions are not requirements for living or even happiness. No one should have the authority on how to design romance for you. What’s worse – because of all these societal pressures, people are doing it in ways that are harmful not just in their nuclear existence, but in horrific ways – again, human trafficking.
If we as a society want to take back romance, we have to start thinking critically about society and what we can do to spruce things up. We worry more about sex ed. programs than we do romance education programs. We have a societal need to prevent diseases, but we as the masses are not gaining the tools effectively on how to love and what love means.
Instead we’re being herded like cattle. From an early age, if that. And into awkward gestures, contrived, badly forced pick up lines. A lot of times you don't continue liking someone by the end of the month, and just keep going fishing, because that's what's promoted in a consumeristic society. In many Asian countries, people usually only have 2 to 3 partners in a lifetime. They do have a more modest culture, and they don't have everything figured out -- but maybe they respect relationships more than we do. We act like we're at a buffet, not a well designed fine dining experience -- but a freakin' lukewarm buffet. Do you really want a lukewarm romantic life? If not, then start thinking differently.
We’re told to go through a number of milestones and by certain ages from when you lose your chasteness, prom, college, marriage, babies, partners, etc. We spend way more than we should on sharing vows; and now we spend way too much on prom, to the point of it mimicking a wedding engagement. We love all the frills and the daffodils, but when it comes to going beyond the surface – we’re completely failing. And failing hard with divorce, diseases, domestic violence, depression, etc. Part of this is the humanity that we live in, but if we could start thinking more critically about this, and not putting so much attention on our relationships as a source of happiness, we could smooth out a lot of problems in society. If anything, this hub is here to serve as a wake up call. A time to reflect on what might not be working and is superfluous to begin with. You don’t need to rush into marriage or a relationship or anything really. And having seventeen dates all at once is a big time waster for you. And potentially harmful to your emotions and body.
What we need as people is to feel happy with ourselves regardless of where we stand, whether that’s as a CEO living in a mansion, or in more humble of settings. So how do you have a successful romance? Forgo the standards that society setups for you and dig deeper. Know what you really want and what you really don’t want. Remember that anything shared with another is with a human being who has feelings, thoughts, and a place here on this planet.
You can easily be a user of someone if you’re just living your life three sheets to the wind – don’t just use someone so you can have an experience. Take your time, and know that romance will come, and probably in ways you were not expecting, like hearing a beautifully composed piece of music, traveling around the world, or having the best coffee in a cabin. You don’t need to build a life about how many relationships you can hold or what relationship title you hold – as if it’s some sort of Olympic medal. No one cares what place you got in relationship Olympics. What you need to build is a space for romance, and lots of societal pressures will invade that space. Just like you shouldn’t let school interfere with your education, don’t let society interfere with your sense of romance.
Romance is about shooting for the ideal; it doesn’t mean you’ll arrive at a perfect relationship or perfect life, but your aim is for the best possible ongoing construction possible. You want to build your romance on solid ground, like building a house on sturdy ground rather than on something sandy and with poor building materials that is likely to crumble when the wind hits. Crumbling all the time in life isn’t necessary, and it hurts you.
So instead of trying to rule the world with your relationship prowess or libido, try instead to develop a better sense of you because that’s the gateway to finding romance. When you start taking classes for fun like dancing, pottery, cooking, or whatever and when you start being free to travel around the world or start creative projects – you’ll find who you really want to be and people who are like minded. You don’t need to waste your time on anybody else but you. And if nobody is as good of a person to be wasting their time on as yourself – than why do it at all?
Let go of your ego. Stop trying to put so many expectations on others or be too easily persuaded by society’s expectations. This will have you chasing for something that may not fit you, and may have you galloping downstream. Because we have expectations, we get disappointed by people, often for things that are trivial.
This is an introduction more than anything. If I spent several days writing, I could have pages upon pages about how we can resurrect romance. Don't be afraid to take the lead, society is needing help to be happier, more romantic, crazy. Stop trying to fit a mold, and just be you. Love will unfold in its own time, so don't worry, don't put too much haste into it, and don't beat yourself up if you're not where you want to be.
Instead take life in, because it doesn't last forever. Try actually smelling flowers, finding the joy in cleaning, and letting people know how you really feel. Tell your friends, family, teachers, co-workers why you care about them. Don't get lost in deep wholes of despair; you are beautiful. You deserve romance, and maybe not in the way that people have tried to force feed it. Be who you are, be authentic. There's a whole world of possibilities. The way America sets itself up causes people to have addictions with lust rather than an admiration for beauty. People get lost in spirals of dark things -- and then don't know what it does to them, till their bodies are not working the way they used to (I can't get into too much detail here on hubpages).
The world is changing, and if you want to help make it be a better place -- be bold to be romantic. Seize the day, write a book, live life to the fullest. Look for quality, not quantity. You might not find quality if you set your life up to be only addicted to dating rather than shooting for romance.
Be excited for where life can take you. Be open minded and you may end up surprised by the beauty of it all.