- Gender and Relationships
Disadvantages of falling in love with a married man
''Get ready to be lied into your face. He is cheating, thus he is lying to his wife day and night.''
Why you should stay far from married men
He is handsome, he is charming and he is taken... Every year countless women trip into the big triangle trap of falling in love with a married man. Some women will back off as soon as they notice the ring or see him with his wife or just sense any clue that tells them he is married. Other women though perhaps looking for that "adrenaline rush" will hold on and start or continue the relationship regardless of his marital status.
These women need to be aware that they are getting their feet stuck into thick quick sands. Very likely their relationship will end up going nowhere. Most men will not leave their wives for their lover. Most men will live the adventure to its fullest and then put their lover into their personal recycling bin forever. This will hurt all those women that have thought that for once and for all he was really falling in love with them and that they had the power to revolutionize his entire life. Do not fall into this trap and remember that if he is cheating in first place then he is not somebody that deserves your trust.
When it comes to dating married men there are many things to keep into consideration. All these bad sides of the story should extinguish the biggest "fires" before they develop.
- First of all, there is secrecy to respect. You cannot present yourself at his front door or start calling and asking his wife for him. You will not have freedom to go to close by restaurants or spend the evening with him at his home where neighbors and friends can report your presence. You will have to be sneaky and accept the fact that you are going to have to hide all the time. Some women may find it exciting to have their own little "dirty secrets" and "secret appointments" but all this will end up soon being a big nuisance to his and your reputation especially in small towns where everybody knows each other. Nothing is worse than having people talk bad behind your backs and even risking somebody telling your affair to his wife.
- Affairs with married men may as well end up being dangerous. If the wife should discover they may stalk you and threaten you. Sometimes they can end up being deadly as well in what are called "murders of passion".
- You will have to deal with the thought of sharing him with someone else. These thoughts can be nerve wrecking. Just imagining him leaving you for the night and having dinner and sleeping with his wife can cause unimaginable heartaches. As humans in our culture, we can share food, we can share clothes but we cannot share a man without feeling terrible about it. And after all, his wife came first!
- Guilt. It will pop up every now and then even though you may hate his wife. True fact is that you are the intruder, you are the shadow threatening to destroy a marriage and the life of children if he has any. True fact is you wouldn't want to be in his wife's shoes and you may want a traditional monogamous marriage as most women.
- Get ready to be lied into your face. He is cheating, thus he is lying to his wife day and night. Meetings, traffic, overnight job stays are the most common excuses. Lying is not a one way road, it goes both ways. His lies are oncoming and out going. Think it over when he says your are the most important thing in his life.
- Un-returned phone calls, loss of contact. This will happen, he tells you he will call but every time something happens and you remain all night waiting. He tells to meet him but then he had to take his son to a football practice session. Be ready to be waiting and waiting and waiting. This should be a wakening sign that you are after all, just a small chapter of his life.
- Not many people will be on your side to give you support. Friends, family may not approve your relationship and you may find yourself lonely and misunderstood. Many times he is the only one that can help you overcome your feelings. But he will not always be there for you.
Regardless, many women still endure in dating married men. We can see this from statistics of cheating married men. Some form of masochism must be present as it is hard to understand how they can overcome all the psychological disturbances that derive from such behavior. Many say that finally they have felt really loved, appreciated and that it was the best event in their lives. Perhaps, these women really need to better understand what real love is and to truly respect themselves, the married man and the married man's wife and children.