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Divorce and a Clear-Cut Future
Divorce and a Clear-Cut Future
By Tony DeLorger © 2010
Why are people so cruel to one another? When love falls apart it brings the worst out in people. I just read Pete Maida’s hub ‘The Foolish Man’ and I just can’t assimilate the impact that his ex has had on his life. People are not just blind they are selfish to the point of being evil, so malicious and self-centred that nothing matters except what they want.
When love falters both partners run to their individual bunkers, loading weapons and compiling a brief of destruction for their lawyers. It’s obviously not enough the relationship is over there must be pain and revenge, regardless of fault. To what extent each party is financially and physically devastated has more to do with lawyers manipulating the law and less to do with fairness and justice.
I remember my custody hearing like it was yesterday. The in-laws turned into demons, trying everything they could to keep my children from me. They even tripped me deliberately going into the court. They made disparaging comments about me during the hearing and in the end the judge told them to shut up or get out. You see they wanted their grandchild to be brought up like the good Catholics they were. I was not Catholic, oh dear. The sheer hatred I felt from those people shook me to my core, and I’ll never forget it. In the end the judge awarded me full custody of all my children and those children are now responsible, good human beings with families of their own. I couldn’t be prouder.
Marriage today has become a binding business contract and has little to do with a spiritual or religious connection. Even if you’re not married and co-habit a dwelling as a couple the same laws apply. Having been married three times and having lost businesses, houses and cash, I believe that partnership needs to be legally addressed and notarised before it begins. I’m not talking about a prenuptial agreement here, this is much more. It should be stated what assets each has before partnership and how dividing assets should be undertaken at the end of a partnership.
The whole concept of alimony is ridiculous. On dissolution of a marriage where there have been children, then those children should be financially supported by both parents until eighteen years old. The main caregiver should be responsible for their life and income. Just because one partner has been a dependant while the partnership existed, does not mean that they deserve compensation when the partnership ceases. After the split they should be responsible for their own income- like the rest of us.
The law has been too open to interpretation and too flexible, manipulated by lawyers who not only win cases for those who can afford them, but totally destroy the opponent. They not only use existing laws to penalise but also use the children as a wedge, emotionally blackmailing to secure financial reward.
Imagine how clear the courts would be without the usual battles of divorce. If all the mechanics of financial separation were attended to in the beginning, there would be no drawn out battles and far less malicious behaviour. If I marry again, and right now I can’t see it, I will definitely undertake this legal path for both myself and my partner, not just for protection but for clarity and in the end peace.
Human Beings can be so volatile and mean and I think the old-style view of marriage and life-partnership has changed. Therefore we need to adjust our thinking to suit the new circumstance. Love is indeed a splendid thing, until it falls to bits. I will never again have to duck for cover when it does.