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Divorce and a Clear-Cut Future

Updated on August 24, 2013

Divorce and a Clear-Cut Future

By Tony DeLorger © 2010

Why are people so cruel to one another? When love falls apart it brings the worst out in people. I just read Pete Maida’s hub ‘The Foolish Man’ and I just can’t assimilate the impact that his ex has had on his life. People are not just blind they are selfish to the point of being evil, so malicious and self-centred that nothing matters except what they want.

When love falters both partners run to their individual bunkers, loading weapons and compiling a brief of destruction for their lawyers. It’s obviously not enough the relationship is over there must be pain and revenge, regardless of fault. To what extent each party is financially and physically devastated has more to do with lawyers manipulating the law and less to do with fairness and justice.

I remember my custody hearing like it was yesterday. The in-laws turned into demons, trying everything they could to keep my children from me. They even tripped me deliberately going into the court. They made disparaging comments about me during the hearing and in the end the judge told them to shut up or get out. You see they wanted their grandchild to be brought up like the good Catholics they were. I was not Catholic, oh dear. The sheer hatred I felt from those people shook me to my core, and I’ll never forget it. In the end the judge awarded me full custody of all my children and those children are now responsible, good human beings with families of their own. I couldn’t be prouder.

Marriage today has become a binding business contract and has little to do with a spiritual or religious connection. Even if you’re not married and co-habit a dwelling as a couple the same laws apply. Having been married three times and having lost businesses, houses and cash, I believe that partnership needs to be legally addressed and notarised before it begins. I’m not talking about a prenuptial agreement here, this is much more. It should be stated what assets each has before partnership and how dividing assets should be undertaken at the end of a partnership.

The whole concept of alimony is ridiculous. On dissolution of a marriage where there have been children, then those children should be financially supported by both parents until eighteen years old. The main caregiver should be responsible for their life and income. Just because one partner has been a dependant while the partnership existed, does not mean that they deserve compensation when the partnership ceases. After the split they should be responsible for their own income- like the rest of us.

The law has been too open to interpretation and too flexible, manipulated by lawyers who not only win cases for those who can afford them, but totally destroy the opponent. They not only use existing laws to penalise but also use the children as a wedge, emotionally blackmailing to secure financial reward.

Imagine how clear the courts would be without the usual battles of divorce. If all the mechanics of financial separation were attended to in the beginning, there would be no drawn out battles and far less malicious behaviour. If I marry again, and right now I can’t see it, I will definitely undertake this legal path for both myself and my partner, not just for protection but for clarity and in the end peace.

Human Beings can be so volatile and mean and I think the old-style view of marriage and life-partnership has changed. Therefore we need to adjust our thinking to suit the new circumstance. Love is indeed a splendid thing, until it falls to bits. I will never again have to duck for cover when it does.


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    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Thanks for your comment.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      there are at least 2 sides to every story. it makes you wonder what happened between them. How long were you hitched the first time? Is she nuts?

    • Silva Hayes profile image

      Silva Hayes 

      7 years ago from Spicewood, Texas

      Sadly, Tony, you are right. Pete, you and your partner have a rare relationship.

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      7 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Thanks for all your comments. It's a sad indication of what we have become, trust a highly sort commodity.

    • Pete Maida profile image

      Pete Maida 

      7 years ago

      That is a fine suggestion and one that should be thought about by anyone considering marriage. I have now been married for twenty years to a good partner. We have worked togehter to make our lives better. There are good partners out there but maybe being sure from the start is a good thing.

    • Beege215e profile image


      7 years ago

      And isn't it sad indeed that we must look to the death of love and relationship before we begin love and relationships. We assume failure before we even begin. That "what if" rhino living in the closet of our home can create a stink that destroys the house.

      You are not wrong in what you say, we need some protections, humanity has fallen from grace and common sense died a few years ago. I miss them both.

    • travel_man1971 profile image

      Ireno Alcala 

      7 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      I agree with you, Sir Tony. That's why I'm still contemplating whether to marry or not.


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