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Divorced With Kids From a Narcissist: The Drama Continues

Updated on September 4, 2012
The tears you cry fighting for your child's best interest.
The tears you cry fighting for your child's best interest. | Source

Does it feel like your divorce is about 'who will win?' You might have a narcissist as an ex.

For more insight about divorcing a Narcissist, here's a link for more information.

Let me start out by giving you a bit of information about myself. I'm divorced after being married for fifteen years. I was a stay at home mom for over 11 years. I loved my job: being the caregiver for my three kids: 17, 13 and 10 (now).

Aside from that, I put my ex on a pedestal.

I was co-dependent. I saw how my parents argued every day in their relationship, and thought that marriage meant that love makes you stay together-- through thick and thin. I never questioned my ex's behavior, apathy, or lack of respect for me. I was happy to have someone to love.

So what is a "Narcissist?"

Let me explain:

  • Signs of grandiosity. The narcissist thinks they are elite-- far above the average person. You may feel a sense of disdain from your partner. They may use words like, "I'm the best at ______."
  • Feelings of power/omnipotence. Your narcissist ex will believe that he or she is smarter, better, and more knowledgeable than all others. They don't like authority or keeping rules.
  • Believes he or she is "unique." They probably were coddled as children, and feel "special." After a while, you realize they are as unique as a lump of dog poo in your yard.
  • Believes he or she deserves the company of equally 'high status' individuals. They prefer the company of successful, or good looking people, or that anyone less isn't "good enough."
  • Requires praise/admiration from peers/lovers. They use people like an object, and once you no longer serve a purpose, they drop you like a hot potato. One of their requirements is to be reminded daily of how "special" they are.
  • Lack of empathy. They just don't care if you struggle, even if it's their own children. If you notice that your loved one has a blank stare whenever you mention joyful (or sad) news, there's some sinister stuff in the background.
  • Devoid of emotions. Like the above example, narcissists can't express how they feel. They can fake crying, so they can convince others they "love" their children.
  • Sense of envy for anyone higher in authority/success. A narcissist will constantly dwell on what other's have while he/she doesn't.

The narcissist gets a rush, or "charge" from making other people miserable, so after a divorce, it's common that he or she will mentally abuse their own kids. They insult, intimidate, or use controlling psychological manipulation to victimize. Anyone "weaker" than they are is a target.

It makes it difficult to protect your children when the courts protect parental rights (rather than children's rights). It can be emotionally and financially draining to have a voice and have justice served. In the end, the children are the biggest losers when they have to suffer because of a sick individual.


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    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 5 years ago from Southern California

      Thanks bunches, lovedoctor-- I try.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      I like the description of the dog poo as you relate it to a narcissist. This is very good information. I appreciate you writing these types of articles. Voted up!

    • wonderful1 profile image

      Sheila Varga Szabo 5 years ago from Southern California

      I agree, viveresperando. I was completely clueless as to what what going on while I was living in the fog of a narcissist. It all seemed "normal." Now that I've researched all the lingering questions about "why" I've found so many answers to all my years of confusion.

      And yes, being an optimist is a good or bad thing. In my case, hope is what kept my determination so strong to make things work.

    • viveresperando profile image

      viveresperando 5 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

      This is great info and could easily relate. It is crazy how we just at certain times don't see things they way they really are and try to see things as we hope they will be at one point.

    • sonia05 profile image

      sonia05 5 years ago from india

      Dear Wonderful, I like your hub and am moved by it. You have very nicely uncovered the real face of a narcissist who are 'unique as a lump of dog poo' !!! It is sad to have a husband who is a narcissist and cares not at all about the woman who has given years for him and his children and loved him unconditionally. I think its his loss!!

      I think it is always important to keep intact one's self esteem no matter how beautiful one's relationship is with the boyfriend/husband. Compromising on that aspect would definitely lead to a disastrous end. However, its easier said than done because one does not recognizes the signs of such kinds of persons and one tends to easily forgive the person we love.

      thanks for sharing and voted up!