Divorced With Kids From a Narcissist: The Drama Continues
Does it feel like your divorce is about 'who will win?' You might have a narcissist as an ex.
For more insight about divorcing a Narcissist, here's a link for more information.
Let me start out by giving you a bit of information about myself. I'm divorced after being married for fifteen years. I was a stay at home mom for over 11 years. I loved my job: being the caregiver for my three kids: 17, 13 and 10 (now).
Aside from that, I put my ex on a pedestal.
I was co-dependent. I saw how my parents argued every day in their relationship, and thought that marriage meant that love makes you stay together-- through thick and thin. I never questioned my ex's behavior, apathy, or lack of respect for me. I was happy to have someone to love.
So what is a "Narcissist?"
Let me explain:
- Signs of grandiosity. The narcissist thinks they are elite-- far above the average person. You may feel a sense of disdain from your partner. They may use words like, "I'm the best at ______."
- Feelings of power/omnipotence. Your narcissist ex will believe that he or she is smarter, better, and more knowledgeable than all others. They don't like authority or keeping rules.
- Believes he or she is "unique." They probably were coddled as children, and feel "special." After a while, you realize they are as unique as a lump of dog poo in your yard.
- Believes he or she deserves the company of equally 'high status' individuals. They prefer the company of successful, or good looking people, or that anyone less isn't "good enough."
- Requires praise/admiration from peers/lovers. They use people like an object, and once you no longer serve a purpose, they drop you like a hot potato. One of their requirements is to be reminded daily of how "special" they are.
- Lack of empathy. They just don't care if you struggle, even if it's their own children. If you notice that your loved one has a blank stare whenever you mention joyful (or sad) news, there's some sinister stuff in the background.
- Devoid of emotions. Like the above example, narcissists can't express how they feel. They can fake crying, so they can convince others they "love" their children.
- Sense of envy for anyone higher in authority/success. A narcissist will constantly dwell on what other's have while he/she doesn't.
The narcissist gets a rush, or "charge" from making other people miserable, so after a divorce, it's common that he or she will mentally abuse their own kids. They insult, intimidate, or use controlling psychological manipulation to victimize. Anyone "weaker" than they are is a target.
It makes it difficult to protect your children when the courts protect parental rights (rather than children's rights). It can be emotionally and financially draining to have a voice and have justice served. In the end, the children are the biggest losers when they have to suffer because of a sick individual.