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- Separation & Divorce
Do I Stay Or Do I Let Him Or Her GO
Sometimes,we are faced with a decision. Do I stay, or do I let him or her go? I thought about this hub, when I was answering some questions in my hub pertinent to pain a man is suffering, when he found out his wife had cheated on him. He was also struggling with emotions and pain associated with dealing with his child, that he so desperately wanted in his life as well.
The things that bother me about breaking up with a mate or a spouse, is that, being faced with decision, after decisions, have to made, before and after a breakup. The biggest decision to a a question that you maybe faced with in the front of any relationship, marriage or etc... The question is, do I stay, or do Iet him or her go?
It's a very valid question, and it is something that a person ponders, or even struggles with, when he or she has been mistreated in a relationship or a marriage at best. So many things must be considered, and you must truly evaluate the impact, or what the ramifications will be, when and if you make such a decision, to leave your significant other.
WOW, I don't have all of the answers, but I do know, that if you are not happy, you should at least attempt to open up a dialogue with your lover, and find out how, he or she feels about you, and the entire situation.
Then think about this: Why would you remain in a situation, whether it is a relationship or a marriage, whereby you are not happy, actually you maybe miserable, but you stay and endure the mistreatment, just because you may love the person you are with, or you may have children or offspring with that person as well.
Then, your spouse or mate, may not want to talk to you about the decision you are contemplating, he or she may not even care, but that may make it just that more difficult for you, simply because you may still care, or love that person in your relationship or marriage. Yet, let's make one thing very clear, if you are being mistreated, the answer to the question is very simple, you must leave. If you are being abused, leave..... I said it twice so, hopefully, there is no misconception based on what I just said....
It's very painful to remain in a relationship or marriage, while you are being abused. It is also very, very painful, to love a person, and that love is not reciprocated. I personally would not be in neither one of those situations, because that is a very sad place or places to be in life.
Furthermore, if your spouse or mate does not love you, chances are his or her feelings will not shift in the direction you would like for them to shift, and if you are being abused physically or mentally, please don't' kid yourself, or attempt to convince yourself, that the abuse will stop, because you are doing just that, kidding yourself.
However, as I write this hub, I would say, that you must endeavor to remain composed, no matter how difficult it maybe, no matter how hard it maybe to endure the pain, or the mistreatment you maybe exposed to, and by no means should you be mistreating your mate until you make your final decision, to stay or go.
it is very easy for me to say, that when, you are being mistreated, that you should leave. Actually, as I stated before, you have to evaluate everything in your marriage or your relationship before your leave.
Now, as I have stated in past hubs, if you are being abused, PLEASE LEAVE! Do not stay, it is as simple as that in this case. There is no room for abuse in any relationship or marriage, and that means, physical, or verbal abuse in my mind. One will morph into the other, in other words, if you are being verbally abused, at some junction, the verbal abuse could turn into physical abuse, and physical abuse will eventually lead to verbal abuse, if it is not already occurring in your relationship or marriage.
Granted if both of you are willing to discuss your relationship or marriage openly, and discuss what it is that is causing the pain, and how the two of you are going to work it out collectively to rectify it. Then, that is the most positive aspects of deciding whether you two would like to stick it out, and continue to be with each other.
I find that when you have spent and invested a considerable amount of time in a relationship with a person, it is very difficult to just say, you want out. It is also very difficult and painful to leave, when you have offspring in the middle of the issues too.
I'm a romantic, I believe that if you really love a person, that you can conquer anything, but both of you must work together. I can't be the only person loving you, and on the flip side, you really hate me, or you resent me to the point, where I'm working on this marriage or relationship alone. Like, I always say, it takes two to tango!
Sometimes, we actually take on some much personal garbage or baggage that we receive in the relationship or marriage, it just builds up, until finally, the person affected by the weight of the personal garbage or baggage, just explodes, and that person, will either take it out on the mate or spouse verbally, physically, or in most cases, just leave.
If you both want to stay together, you have to work together, there is no other way around it. Should I stay or should I go? I cannot stress how important communication is between one another in a relationship or marriage too. If you don't communicate, your relationship or marriage is doomed to fail.
You have to talk, meaning you have to talk to each other. Don't talk to your personal friends or relatives, if you are not talking or discussing your relationship or marriage with your spouse or your mate. You talk to your mate or spouse, before you even start discussing your issues to others outside of your marriage or relationship.
How many times, have I seen a mate or a spouse, go run to a friend, relative, etc, but NEVER discuss what he or she discusses with their friends or relatives. It just doesn't seem logical to me, the first person, I'm going to talk to about any issues that I'm having with my mate or my spouse, is going to be with my mate, or my spouse, PERIOD!!
This is sort of interesting too, because I have seen people who have been together for years, and they later found out that while he or she has been in this relationship for years, the person in question, does not feel like the other person does in this relationship or marriage, yet it was never discussed, until the discussion of breaking up, became a reality.
It is so critical, that a couple discusses everything, and I mean everything. It would be painful for me, to find out after years of being committed to one person, that that person does not feel the way I feel.
So, what are some of the things you should think about before you should stay or go:
* Do you both love each other?
* Are you being physically abused or mentally abused?
* Do you see yourself with that person in the next year, or two, or three?
* How many times, do you say, "I Love You", versus the amount of times your spouse or mate says it?" ***NOTE** This could be the tell, tell sign, that you are not being loved
* Can you find ten positive things you can write down about the person you are with, or can you tell him or her ten reasons why you love your spouse or your mate?
* When you are alone together, do you have intimacy, or when you are alone do you enjoy being alone?
* Do you respect each other?
* Would you rather prefer to discuss your relationship or marriage type of problems with others than with your spouse or your mate?
* Do you have children?
* Do you argue instead of rationally discussing where you both are in the relationship or marriage?
*Is there any hate or resentment that you are secretly harboring towards your mate or spouse?
* Are you happy?
* What would it take for you to be happy?
These are just some of the questions you should be asking yourself about your spouse or mate, or whether you should stay or whether you should go. I believe that life is too short to be unhappy, or unfulfilled.
If you constantly dwelling on past events in other relationships or even in your current relationship or marriage. If you can't forget the past or let go of it. Then, there lies the other issue.
Only you can answer within yourself, why you can't or why the two of you cannot move pass the things in your past relationship(s) or marriage(s).
I don't dwell on past relationships, for me everyday is a new day and whatever happened yesterday, the day before , a year ago, or even ten years ago, that happened in the past. I must either forgive that person and decide whether I will remain in that current relationship or marriage. In other words, the choice is yours.
So, find out in your life, what will it take for you to decide: Do I Stay Or Do I Let Him Or Her Go?...