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Do Men Like Smart Women?

Updated on April 30, 2014

Does IQ Matter?

Do men really like dating intelligent women? Recently I met an old friend of mine. We aren't exactly best of friends but back in school I always used to ask for her help in studies. She was far more mature than her age, and needless to say uber intelligent! My friend can debate about any topic under the Sun and prefers "intelligent conversations" over gossip. This makes her a little different from the rest of the bunch because girls as you know -- love to gossip! I try to stay away from gossip as far as I can but at times I get tempted to join in a juicy conversation. But this friend of mine is adamant to stay away in such cases.

She got married recently. It was an arranged marriage. If you don't know, arranged marriages are fairly common in India. She was telling me her husband gets bored instantly whenever she talks about her subjects of passion (her work, her medical career, the latest news or anything of the sort). He just likes talking about his friends that she have never met, asks her what she has cooked today, or places his numerous demands in front of her. They don't have anything much to talk about she says. Obviously, they are both bored of each other. You cannot say that either of them are introverted in any way. One is a smart woman who can talk about anything under the Sun, while the other is a man whose general knowledge is not that sharp as her's. She wants an intellectual conversation whereas all he wants is talk abt everyday things like "food", "friends" and "home". He doesn't know what to say when she comes up with topics like politics, science or technology.

Do Men Really Like Intelligent Women?

This question can be asked the opposite way too - "Do women like extremely intelligent men?".

Smart men need to marry smart women. This is to ensure an easy flow of conversation. You will have things to discuss about and you won't ever run out of topics. But this does not necessarily happen all the time. Arranged marriages in India makes such things even more difficult. In India, a single meeting is set up with prospects to make that major decision. Doesn't sound fair to you? But this is what has been happening in our culture for a long time! And by the looks of it, it is not going to change any time soon. In that one meeting you are occupied with knowing the other person's likes and dislikes so much so that you don't have time for discussing things in length. How can you decipher someone's intelligence in just one meeting? To an extent yes, but first impressions do not always reveal the "true" side of things. Probably because both parties are doing their maximum best to impress each other and all they do is avoid further discussion on subjects with a "yes", "obviously", "of course I know all that!".

Do Men Get Turned Off By Intelligent Women?

If a man doesn't know what the hell his brainy wife is talking about -- does he get turned off?

I know this friend of mine doesn't giggle unnecessarily for each and every thing. Her husband seems to prefer such type of girls though - she says. She even goes on to add that it goes against her intelligence to giggle for such silly things. Do men really like it when their partner says - "ok, that wasn't so funny..."?

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    • Raitu Disong profile image

      Raitu Disong 

      5 years ago

      I prefer a smart lady but with a very humble attitude!

    • austinhealy profile image

      Bernard J. Toulgoat 

      6 years ago from Treasure Coast, Florida

      I cannot speak on behalf of anybody else so the following is only my opinion. As a man, I find it immensely refreshing to have to deal with a superiorly intelligent woman. Why ? Because, there is always something to learn from such a person. But also it relaxes me. Once I realize the woman is more intelligent, I don't have to be in charge of the conversation anymore, she does and probably will be happy to be. And honestly, such woman is less likely to look down on anybody, including yours truly. It is also challenging : like it or not you have to step up to the plate, or at least try. I am one of those who believes that a successful relationship stands a better chance between two partners who are not alike but different. Liking exactly the same things can only lead to boredom, again, in my opinion. Liking different things will lead to more challenging thoughts and requires an open mind. Now, if the woman is both more intelligent AND beautiful, I'm affraid we men are doomed : how do you ever forget such a person ?

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Well, Im not indian but I ll give my personal opinion. I think that inteligence, athletic habilities and other qualities mainly linked with men, can be appreciated like something pleasant in a woman by many men, always that men dont feel himself threated for this fact, and I think that it essencially mean that the traditional rols dont get affected for it.

      I ll take myself like an example. I find nice but not indispensable be able to talk with my hypothetical wife of intelectual matters; after all, if I cant talk with her of these themes, I ll be able to do it with other people in other moments, and talk of daily and emotional matters with her (that its super enjoyable too). At this point I doesnt mind she doesnt have knowledge or great mental acuity, as far as she is willing to hear and try to understand me if I touch these themes.

      But there is another point, I give value to inteligence and other qualities in a woman, not because I think they are very important for a her, but because if I marry her she will be the mother of my sons; so I find something good in the fact that she can demonstrate have these capacities at least once, so I can get aware of these and appreciate them; but if after of this, she doesnt demonstrate them again, theres no problem, we all know genetics dont change.

      Anyway I think it is not necessary bad that the women continue showing their skills in traditional men fields (even more, may be cases where it can be very appreciated), but its true too that it can easily become complicated and it strongly depend of the way the man and the woman are. For example, what would happen if a girlfriend surpass the boyfriend in something associate with men? for think in something, think in a couple where the girl run faster than the boy or the girl is better in mathematics (specially when the boy likes the mathematics too), it is clear that it could cause a shock to the boy and that he may reaction in diferent ways. But in my case the way I would reaction, is taking it as a good thing (even I have to accept that I would enjoy it); but in other hand I would take it as a challenge and I would start training like a mad and wouldnt rest until I be sure I can beat her.

      But there is other thing that I think its important to say. The more capable is a woman in male fields, not always mean the less atractive she turns, but always mean the more easy the man feels insecure or bad about himself. For this reason its much more important for a very capable woman in no traditional fields, be more girly, more strictic in mantain the traditional rols and make all she can do to support the man to become the man of the caliber for a woman like her. Its pretty painful be the man in the relation, when you know your girl could do the job asociated to your rol better than you, but if at least you know your girl likes to be a woman and makes all she can to try you become someone good enough in your rol, its posible that the man learn to be happy in this situation.

      However, I must accept too, that less ambitious, "less inteligent" and more traditional minded is a girl, tend to be less problematic, less exigent and more easy to you have a calm, stable and trustful marriage with them. No one cant deny the appeal of a simple, beautiful and cute girl service minded, submisive, selfsacrificing, cheerful, kind and focused in bring happiness to others; after all, I think these kind of girls are the more prepared to the marriage and to make the womens rol at the higest level.

    • Emmyboy profile image


      7 years ago from Nigeria

      of course i do, a lot! I crave smart ladies. Think i can only speak for myself here.

      Smart and intelligent women are a wonder to behold and a heaven's gift to her lover, her kids and even humanity in general.

      I luv highly intelligent women who know how to take jokes.

      I know This can be quite hard on the girl with all those expectations butI just can't compromise on this.

      Call me too picky if u like.

    • divacratus profile imageAUTHOR

      Kalpana Iyer 

      7 years ago from India

      Indian parents makes the rules for their children (in most families). If a girl says "no", she will get pressurized into saying "yes" eventually because there are so many relatives forcing you give an answer in the affirmative. It is impossible to escape this pressure unless or until you decide to run away. But there are some Indian girls who do take the courage to disappoint their loved ones by marrying someone against their parent's choice. These girls have to wait for a longer time to get approval from their relatives (which can be quite hard if you are close to your family). Maybe to avoid this disappointment, even smart girls decide to say "yes" to an arranged marriage in India.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      sorry, can i a dumb question ( i am not from an indian background). sounds like your friend is definitely quite intelligent, not to mention well educated as well, i imagine self sufficient financially. has it ever crossed her mind that to go against the convention as actually chose somebody that compatible with her rather than let her parent do it? what would be the likely consequences if she did?

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      7 years ago from TEXAS

      Badly matched interests, which usually relate to intelligence, between married partners is a sad thing. It may feel like a trap to both of them, but especially to the more intelligent one. Normally that one can talk about many things, but the other is limited to the mundane or only a few areas of interest. I can only imagine how difficult it must be in cultures in which the people don't even have a chance to see how well or poorly they relate.

      My two much older sisters faced those issues but in a different scenario. In the earlier 20th century over here, women hadn't achieved very much equality and even though arranged marriages didn't rule the day, getting married was a virtual necessity. And because there had begun a strong movement for equality, the criteria among the men for choosing a marriage partner seemed to favor the more naive - even the dumb - girls. By the 30s, when my sisters were growing up, it was a real issue.

      Both my sisters were smart, but Ruth was quite stellarly brilliant. Harriet was both smart and wise. She had it figured out that to appear too smart would be a turn-off, so she covered up her intelligence. Consequently she had many beaus and her "dance card" was always full. Ruth had no hesitation about showing her brain-power, plus she wasn't as sure of her looks and charm as Harriet, so she tried to rely on being smart. Consequently, she didn't have a lot of beaus and her dance card was not full. Her "boyfriends" were mostly friends who enjoyed identifying butterflies or parsing words. Both of them did marry, but this illustrates another facet of the problem when there are more girls than guys in a society. And I'm not sure whether either of them found the best intellectual matches to marry.

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 

      7 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      I don't really gage the intelligence of any of my friends.It is just one element in a personality.

    • samiaali profile image


      7 years ago

      Hi divacratus, I found your hubpage very interesting. I do know a little about arranged weddings and don't agree with them, but that's another story. I think that in the first example you gave, the main problem is that your friend and her husband did not choose to be with each, which of course, goes back to the arranged marriage. Your friend, it seems, needs to have a companion who has the same interests as she does and would enjoy having the types of conversations that she is interested in. It seems to me that they are not suited to each other at all.

      But just generally, on the main subject of your hubpage, I think that a man, generally, would not be happy with a woman who is more advanced intellectually than he is. But I also think the man would and women both need to be with their intellectual equals. :)

    • your cybersister profile image

      your cybersister 

      7 years ago from Just relocated from Florida to the mountains of North Carolina

      First off, I have to say I can't even fathom the idea of an arranged marriage. Not to say that those of us who choose our partners actually get it right all the time, but atleast we made the mistake all by ourselves - it wasn't thrust upon us. The actual success rate may be the same or better, but I sure don't like the idea much, especially when many important factors (some of which you mentioned) aren't even considered in making the match.

      That said, I think that you are right when you said that a smart man needs a smart woman and I believe a smart woman needs a smart man. There again, as you pointed out, how can they comfortably communitcate their interests and thoughts to a partner that can't understand what they are talking about or why? Do those men and woman who are not "smart" appreciate a smart partner? I think it would depend on how secure they are with themselves and their relationship. If they want to grow as a person and become more intellectually stimulated and develop new interests they probably do - if they like the status quo, are easily threatened and lazy, then they probably like the gigglers and the jokesters among us that are not interested in expanding their horizons.

      Let me share a story relating to this. Years ago I had a friend who was constantly dissatisfied and having trouble in her relationships with men. She asked me why I thought that might be. I mentioned to her that although she always dated guys she found to be physically attractive (she went for the surfer types) not one of them was capable of completing a sentence, much less a conversation. I suggested maybe things didn't go well because she couldn't really talk to them. She looked at me, deadly serious, and said "Why would I ever want to do that?" I then had to say that I had no idea what the problem could be. I guess all of us don't want the same thing of a partner.


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