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Do Men Really Fall in Love?

Updated on January 4, 2015

He loves me, he loves me not..?

So many women are under the impression that men don't have depth of feelings or emotions as women do. They wonder:

Can he truly fall in love with me? Is it just lust that keeps him coming back-- and will he dispose of me when he finds someone more exciting? Is this relationship just convenient for him, to have someone to come home to at night and share the expenses and responsibilities with? Is it just comfortable, like an old shoe? Or does he feel as deeply for me as I do for him?

Before you let yourself get down about his feelings, let's look at guys, their feelings, and how they express themselves.

Poll for the guys:

Have you ever really loved a woman?

See results

Men and Women Think Differently

A lot of people will boo and complain at the idea that men and women think differently, but the facts is-- we do. It's not a statement that's meant to be sexist, evolution has simply hard-wired our brains differently. Livescience reviews studies that show men have more gray matter than women, and women have much more white matter than men. This essentially means we process things differently. This is why men do better with tasks that are more concrete, like mathematics, while women are better assimilating information, such as language skills.

It's just these kinds of thinking differences that can create the break-down in communications that leave women wondering if a man really cares about her or not. A man may feel the relationship's direction is crystal clear and needs no discussion; he accepts it on the whole. A woman may spend a lot of time analyzing all the relationships nuances, leaving her to wonder more about what different things may mean for the couple.

Spilling his guts is not usually the most appealing way for men to show their feelings. They usually opt for more concrete, action-oriented means to "show" rather than "tell" how they are feeling. He may not gush with floral prose when he wants to show he cares; more likely he'll check your car engine to see if it needs a tune-up, offer a back massage after you've had a long day or program the time on your DVD player that's been blinking 12:30 for months now.


Physical Attraction

It's not that he doesn't adore your personality, or respect you for your mind, but physical attraction is a major factor when a man expresses his feelings.

Women are often worried about confusing sex with love when they get into a relationship. They want to make sure a guy isn't with them for the wrong reasons-- they're worried guys just want their bodies. When a relationship is very hot and steamy, as it goes on, she may find herself asking if it's purely physical.

Men, on the other hand, don't separate sex and love. That's not to say that every time a man has sex he falls in love-- that's certainly not the case. It doesn't mean he saves himself for true love, either; certainly guys give into their more primal urges.

However, to a man, showing you how attracted he is to you, wanting to make love to you, is part of showing you that he loves you. It goes both ways; he wants you to want him, too, because in his mind this helps affirm your feelings for him. Telling isn't enough, most guys like to show, and want to be shown in return.

So just because he seems really interested in your body and can't keep his hands off you sometimes doesn't mean he sees you as a sex object; it could be the sign of him trying to express his love that you'd been looking for.

Men Have Feelings, Too

There's really no reason to doubt that men have feelings. While not every guy you meet or date may be honest with his feelings, men and women have the same emotions. It's the way they process and express emotions that may be different, but if you learn to look for the signs, you can see just how much he feels for you.

How to Make a Guy Fall In Love with you


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    • ShamsOfTabriz profile image

      Muhammad Salman 2 years ago from Peshawar, Pakistan

      Yes, we do, and I don't find it hard to admit.

    • shai77 profile image

      Chen 4 years ago

      Vibesites, that's a really interesting comment. I do think it's true that the 'games' men and women will play back and forth sometimes is really just out of fear of being vulnerable, and they're testing the waters. I don't think there's anything wrong with a little harmless hard to get. While it makes sense on one level that a woman might feel if she can successfully hurt a man it means he actually does care; on the other hand, how is that a way to start a good relationship with someone who actually does care? I think there are other ways to find out if a man cares without trying to hurt him-- a main key being how well he continues to treat you as the relationship goes on (when the honeymoon phase is over). Thanks so much for your comments!

    • vibesites profile image

      vibesites 4 years ago from United States

      You know why women sometimes play hard to get? Every woman wants the man to prove himself that he is worthy of her love. How could we know that a man is only after sex? We cannot blame ourselves for such thinking. We have to admit that if a man gets really hurt for being rejected, that's how we know that he has feelings too. Of course not all women are like that, but majority of women are.

    • shai77 profile image

      Chen 4 years ago

      NancyOwens thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. I also believe the differences are what keeps things exciting, as long as we communicate well. I'm glad you find it useful.

    • shai77 profile image

      Chen 4 years ago

      Thanks Angela Blair, I appreciate your comments and glad you liked the article! I think it is a very important topic and I too enjoy the differences. Thanks!

    • shai77 profile image

      Chen 4 years ago

      Thank you Billybuc; it's actually a question women do ask on some message boards, which really got me thinking. I can see how a woman might wonder if they don't understand how men think, and hoped this would put minds to rest. Thanks for the comment!

    • Nancy Owens profile image

      Nancy Owens 4 years ago from USA

      If men and women were similar in their thinking life would be so dull. I like that men think differently. However, I wish I was a better interpreter of their thought processes. Thank you for a useful Hub.

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

      Excellent subject -- and superb writing -- right to the point and so absolutely on target. There's a very definite difference in how men and women show their feelings -- and I've always been grateful for that little difference! Best/Sis

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      What an interesting question. I can see why a woman would ask it, but let me assure you that men do fall in love. :)