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Do Men Really Love Women Who are Independent and Bitchy

Updated on July 20, 2016

Do Men Really Love Independent Women

Women have powerful and important place in men’s world. With this influence they can become a crown to their boyfriends’ heads or a thorn in their sides. A blessing or a curse. If you are asked what makes a wonderful relationship what will you say? Is it a woman who focuses on the needs of her boyfriend? When it comes to dating, what do you think works best for attracting a man – and making him want to commit? Have you ever wondered what makes a man want to marry a particular woman? Is it about timing? Sex? Money? Love? In the world of dating you are likely to meet bitches and nice girls. Which of these categories will you go for?

It depends on how you define the term Strong, independent woman. Sherry Argov defines a bitch as a woman who is confident, secure, and independent. For me, a bitch is a woman who uses insults or aggression to get her way. Someone who thinks things are in order only if they are done her way. Of course, women should be confident, and secure, and independent but must not be to excessive level. There is no doubt that men like women who have self-respect and don’t allow someone to walk all over them. But some women carry the independence too far, thereby preferring to chase a dream or an illusion. Women should continue valuing confidence and self-worth as an end in itself, not a means for luring in guys.

Some men don’t like obsessively independent women who can be described as bitches. The reasonable woman is not rude or abrasive because she's smart enough to know that being considerate is more effective. Men are competitive. A woman who is easy won't scratch his competitive itch. When she stops expressing her opinion and starts agreeing with everything he says, that's usually when a man starts to feel bored. The very moment I become interested in men and show a certain level of kindness and warmth, a natural way of expressing affection, they tend to withdraw or become distant.

Selfishness

Some strong, independent women tend to be selfish. When you go for movie because you like movie even though he doesn’t, and you ask to be taken to Chinese Restaurant when you are aware he doesn’t like Chinese food just to prove that you are a “strong, independent woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t have to waste time compromising herself to be in a relationship, there is no way the relationship will last. It is important to note that when you love someone, you do something for the well-being of the person not insisting you must get what you want all the time. Men are easily drawn to bitchy women because they initially appear confident and fun but when a guy finds himself being respected and appreciated by a nice woman it makes him stop and think, “’I’m backing the wrong horse” Whenever you give a man the impression that you are very selfish to impress he leaves. Honey attracts more flies than vinegar. My advice is be nice to your boyfriend to a reasonable extent and be straightforward with him. The thought of doing it purposely to selfishly gain misguided devotion is kind of twisted. Never accept to be abused. Don’t accept constantly being brought down, withholding affection, and emotional manipulation. Many women will latch on to someone who treats them a chevalier way. That doesn’t make sense.

Support

Every woman should be free to be herself, not needy, not clingy. Any decent woman will accept someone and support his dreams if he loves her. Show respect, kindness, compassion, and appreciation to the boyfriend. Most man wants a woman who is supportive, and is emotionally available and not distant, cold-hearted person as most independent women. A woman he can spend quality time discussing a way forward.

Most women agree that the best way to a man’s heart is to treat him well. Support his dreams. Accept his flaws. Laugh at his jokes. Let him be himself. Cook him dinner. Anyone who tells you that these attributes will make you a doormat has absolutely no understanding of what makes men tick. This does not mean that you should become doormat. However, a nice girl should have boundaries. If you have boundaries, you are disappointed about his behavior and how he can please you better, instead of silently stewing that he unknowingly mistreated you. You should support the dreams of the man you love if his dreams aren’t completely delusional, accept his flaws provided he’s not an intentional, cook him dinner if you are not the one supporting him and buying all the food.

It’s worked well for women who know how to keep to their boundaries, but this is what independent women can’t understand. Should you because you want to prove that you are a strong, independent woman, treat guys you’re interested in like they're guys you’re not interested in?

Blending

Together, a man and woman were created to encourage each other’s strengths, and balance each other’s weaknesses. They are to take a selfless and loving position in each other’s lives. If you truly love your guy he must a couple of features that did it for you and a certain magic that made you tingle. Therefore you will make allowances for his weaknesses, knowing that no man is perfect. It is not true that being nice to your man won't make him more devoted. When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by turning you out, but when you don’t nag, he deals with the problem. When you show “I don’t care” attitude, he becomes wary of who you really are and what your real motivations are. In order to be looked at differently, you have to think differently. Help him to become a better person and he will never abandon you. Help him overcome his flaws and he will be eternally grateful to you. Love

True love does not mean having an easy relationship; it only means making the continual choice to love and forgive his shortcomings. Thomas Merton wrote, “Love seeks one thing only; the good of the one loved. Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages wrote, “For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, sea uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our plight in life.” C. H. Parkhurst wrote in Love as a Lubricant, “Love is the oil which alone can make everyday life in home and business and society harmonious.” If a guy doesn’t make you feel good after a while and leaves me hanging on, he is not somebody you should commit to. Love should not be how you feel about someone, but how you feel about yourself when you’re with that someone. If a man feels good about himself when he’s around you then he’ll stick around.

Compliment

Verbal compliments are far more motivators than nagging words. Frowning, rolling your eyes, giving verbal put downs, arguing constantly, making snide comments that insinuate he is not a good provider, putting him down before his friends just to show you are a strong, independent woman are things that destroy relationship very fast. Compliment is an effective tool in getting him to treat you the way you want. Compliment is not the same with flattery. Try to be honest as much as possible. When you give compliments you motivate your boyfriend to reciprocate and do something you equally desire. Every time he does anything good, give him verbal compliment. You can do more by embracing or hugging him when he comes home, giving him a note of confidence, writing him a note of encouragement.

Sex

Wait till your body chemistry agrees and then if both of you want to have sex, why wait when it is the right moment. Just because a man sleeps with you doesn't mean he's thinking about the future though so be cautious before you spread your legs. But some strong, independent put up so much resistance to intimacy that the man walk away. For him to think about forever there has to be something he respects within you not the ability to resist making love. Like being confident and having integrity. Make sure it is your type of man because it is only when you are happy, you can be sexy.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a key element in any relationship. Walking away immediately you are offended does not show maturity. A great woman need to practice the profound principle of forgiving and dropping past hurts not only for the sake of her boyfriend, but her own sake too. You must forgive your boyfriend for intentional offenses, unintentional mistakes, character flaws and weaknesses, and past hurts. Of course, choosing to forgive your boyfriend doesn’t mean, however, placing yourself in the pathway of danger or abuse or turning yourself to a doormat. Forgiveness is actually a sign of strength. The impression a strong, independent woman should call quits immediate she is offended by the behavior of her boyfriend is misleading. The situation could be discussed amicably. It is after attempts have been made to make your boyfriend turn a leaf and he refuses that you can take leave having confirmed that nothing good will come from the relationship.

Respect

Men don't explain why they want respect. They simply don't have long term relationship with the woman who doesn't give it to them. Most strong, independent women don’t see any reason of respecting any man. But a man considers you a long-term prospect when you've added the key ingredient: respect to the relationship. And respect is the glue that holds everything together. If you want the right man for you to stick around, value your time, and love you unconditionally, just be you, you’ve to respect him. If you are asked what you believe will top your boyfriend’s lists of things he will want from you, what will be your reply? Sex? You could be right because many men rank sex very high in their lists. But there are some who want first and foremost, respect. As much as you respect your boyfriend do not allow your boyfriend treat you disrespectfully.

Patience

Do you respond to difficult situations with patience and self-control? A good woman must exercise patience with her boyfriend in difficult times that are inevitable in relationship. When your boyfriend doesn’t keep up his end of the bargain, nagging may seem the best option. Nagging is when you repeat a demand more than once in a disrespectful tone or walking out of him when he doesn’t do what you expect or want him to do. A nagging woman can wear her husband down with her bitterness and anger. You can also grumble and complain aloud or under your breath wagging your finger in his face or even giving him the silent treatment. Good communication and realistic expectations are the panacea for solving problems in any relationship.

Encouragement

“When you meet someone who is truly great, he makes you believe you can be great, too. This is the kind of relationship you should go for, and it's the only kind of relationship worth having.” Encouragement, may be, the catalyst that your boyfriend needs to propel him toward greatness so give to him. Everyone has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. Lack of courage may hinder him from accomplishing the positive things that he would like to do. The latent potential within your boyfriend may be awaiting your encouraging words. Your words may give him the courage necessary to take that first step to greatness.

Personal appearance

Success in love isn't about looks, it's about attitude. Sophia Loren said, "Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical." Not only this, but when a man thinks a woman is weak or insecure, he won't feel the need to work at the relationship. After all, there will always be someone there to tell you that you aren't attractive enough, perfect enough, or that you didn't come from the right side of the tracks. However, I am confident that you appreciate the necessity for proper dressing. It doesn’t cost much to be neat. The shabby-looking woman’s appearance says negative things about her. She portrays her as careless, inefficient, unimportant, lazy, and unhappy. The love of dressing well is inherent in most women. Nancy Stafford wrote, “We need beauty in our lives --- We are born with a deep longing for and appreciation of beauty. Our spirits are drawn to it. It calls to us, nourishes us, stimulates us. While no woman should allow herself to become a slave to fashion, still it is important to cultivate the love of adornment, ever-keeping it within due bounds, remembering that outward adornment should be secondary to the adornment of the soul.”

Faithfulness

The most attractive quality of all is dignity. In romance, there's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. The more you focus on elevating yourself, the more he will work to be at the top of your priority list. Faithfulness is a steadfast fidelity to one’s boyfriend. At the center of love and relationship is the capacity to trust and be trusted. This type of experience does not come quickly or easily. To find a man you can count on constantly; a man who is devoted to you and who will be consistent in that devotion is difficult. But when you are faithful your boyfriend will have no alternative but to reciprocate. Relationship is built on fidelity.

Conclusion

Real men don’t love a strong, independent that makes her boundaries too tight. However, a woman worth loving should set clear and firm boundaries. But it must be flexible to some extent depending on the prevailing situation. Teach him how to treat you. Not go away immediately your wishes are not met. Make your goal to love myself, and expect your boyfriend to respect your boundaries so far they are reasonable. The choice is his. Such behavior cannot be pretended, not in the long term. Respect, partnership, acceptance, appreciation, affection, attention are the attributes of real love. If you can’t support your boyfriend’s dreams because they do not align with your values it is time to let him go and choose a different man more compatible to you or more deserving of your love. If you want a life-partner, you should stop choosing men based on short-term considerations. You should be loyal and generous and appreciative. Ready-made men are not available anywhere.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 9 months ago

      "It depends on how you define the term bitch." - Very true!

      Being bossy, manipulative, demeaning, and controlling is bitchiness to me.

      The reality is most men do appreciate a woman who is not "needy" but at the same time not afraid to show her man how much she (desires) him.

      Given a choice between "compatibility" and "compromise" most people would prefer to be with someone who (naturally is on the same page) as them.

      Not long ago I saw a statement by one woman that said she would be BORED if she were in a relationship with a man who naturally agreed with her on most things. "I need someone to (challenge) me or make me grow."

      Believe it or not some people hate "harmony'.

      Personally speaking I have enough challenges in my life on the other side of my front door! The last thing I would want after working all day is coming home to fight over crap in a game of "power struggles".

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      One man's opinion!:)

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 9 months ago from Benin

      No reasonable man want a doormat in long term relationship because it will be boring, but no man equally want a very difficult woman all in the name of being a strong and independent woman. There is no relationship without its ups and downs. So the best way is to make a decision to make your relationship work because if you are out to look for faults, you'll detect many and if you want to check for his good attributes, you will record many as well. Take the average and make your decision.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 9 months ago

      I agree no one wants to be with a "doormat".

      However if (both people naturally want) the same things and share the same values that's "compatibility".

      Couples who naturally agree and get along tend to be happier. Who knew?!:)

      A "doormat" is someone who is (going along to get along and hold on).

      Naturally no couple is going to agree on everything but as long as they are in agreement on the major things there should be harmony at home.

      Proverbs 21:19

      "Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman." LOL!

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 9 months ago from Benin

      dashingscorpio thanks for your comments. I agree with you. "Better the hut where you are happy than the palace where you weep."

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