- Gender and Relationships
Do mothers receive the appreciation that they deserve?
Mothers, Are they appreciated enough?
Mothers are very special people on earth. I sometimes wonder whether the children who elevated them to the status of motherhood really appreciate them for who they are and what they mean to them. Motherhood refers to a relationship that the mother creates with her baby (Stadlen, 2004). Every child deserves a motherly love and mothers give love without measure. Mother’s love is unique and different from any other kind of love experienced in other relationships. I once worked with a lady who told me that January 1st was a very special day in her life and that she will never work on that day. In conversing with her farther as to why this day meant so much to her, she said that, that was her mother’s birthday. As she recounted the details of the specials events that she normally does on that day, her eyes turned red and welled up in tears. I was lost in thoughts as to why this brought so much emotions to her. After all people celebrates birthdays all the time. She looked up to the sky and in between hyperventilation and sops, she managed to tell me that her mother was deceased. She said that it was only when her mother passed away, that she realized how much she meant to her. She realized it too late when she was no longer there to appreciation her. Her great pain and wishes for her mother to be alive were written all over her face. She advised anyone who dare to listen to her; to appreciate their mothers when they still can because one day, they will be gone and it will be hard to forgive “Yourself for not appreciating your mothers enough”. I must say, I was touched beyond imagination and promised myself to go many extra miles to show my uttermost appreciation to not only my mother, but to my father as well.
A mother by choice or by accident?
Culturally women are seen as “mothers’ or “mothers to be” and the issue of motherhood is related to family values and expectations. Women become mothers as planned or by accident. By accident I mean, that a woman may not have been ready to have a baby at the time she got pregnant. The pregnancy may have been as a result of contraceptives failure or rape. The mothers who plan to have babies look forward to having their offsprings, who looks like them, acts like them etc. They look forward to doing things together. Once a woman is pregnant, she has a choice of keeping the baby or getting rid of it depending on how one got pregnant, and the ultimate purpose of the pregnancy. Once a woman conceives, she goes through various challenging changes in her life. Things will never be the same again. The challenging symptoms of pregnancy e.g. hormonal imbalances, morning sickness, heightened sense of smell/odor, distaste or desire for some foods etc. They have to make several doctors visits for prenatal care to ensure that the baby is developing normally. All these changes in their bodies, their mood swings, pains and struggles may only be understood only by them. They got to go through this period of life until they deliver their babies, and then raise them until they are able to stand on their feet. Once they become mothers, they do not have a choice as to whether to care for their children or not . They may make other arrangements. But can they take a day off from being a mother apart from when they are gravely sick? I guess not. All these makes me wonder whether we appreciate our mothers enough to make them feel loved and cared for especially by their own children. For some, our mothers may have made some wrong choices in life, but the fact that we are alive today, means that our mothers loved us enough to protect our lives; because at one point, they had all the powers to end our lives should they had chosen to do so.
So how should we appreciate our mothers?
Appreciation can be as simple as just words like "thank you mother"' or “I love you mother and thanks for all that you did for me. I know you didn’t have much but you tried. Thank you for all the ‘time-outs’ and the ‘grounding’ for I am a better person today. I know you did not mean any harm; you wanted the best for me". About a phone call? Just to say that you were just checking on her or stopping by and bring her something special to show your appreciation. It does not always have to be her birthday, mother’s day or anniversary or because she called you and ask you to do something for her (but don’t forget those special days either!). You know your mother’s taste, get her something special and surprise her one day. Get her something of great substance that will have all eyes turning around and everyone talking about it, wondering where she got it from and how much she spend on it. You can also sponsor a special trip to a place she had always wanted to visit. It may be expensive, but it will mean a thousand times worth to your mother. You can also buy her something she has always wanted. This will surely fill her days and nights with abundant joy. Appreciate your mother when you have a chance to do so and you will not regret latter when her days are over. They are indeed are so precious to us.
1. Once a mother, always a mother. There is no reverse gear in motherhood. The mother will not deny being a mother, otherwise we will be having many of those Maury’s show episodes conducting DNA testing to determine if “You are or you are not the Mother”.
2. Once a child is born, she/he will always be his or her mother’s child even if she/he grows to be 70 or older.
3. Mothers deserve to be appreciated more than they actually appreciated. A big thank you to the inventor of mother’s day. At least mothers can feel that they are indeed special since there is a day set aside specifically to honor them. But truly, everyday should should be mother's day.
4. Mothers sometimes persevere the abuse and other unbearable circumstances from fathers/boyfriends/partners/significant others, because they have to endure in order to have a place to raise their children.
5. A good mother will do all it takes, sacrifice as much as she can to ascertain that her child or children are gathered for. She may have sleepless nights or sleep with an empty stomach, but always thinking of what to do for her child or children to experience a less torturous life.
6. Mothers are jealous when it comes to their children. A mother thinks that there is absolutely no other woman, better than her, who can take care of her sons. That explains why almost every married woman has a bone to chew with her mother in law. That also explains the preferences for “My Mother’s cooking” instead of “My wife’s cooking”.
Well, the list is endless. Thank you mothers! More power and more strength to you mothers!
Stadlen, N. (2004). What Mothers do especially when it looks like nothing. Retrieved from http://www.naomistadlen.com/default.asp