- Gender and Relationships
Nice Guys Finish First; Tips For Nice Guys Attracting Women
Nice guys usually finish last with women. In fact, when and if they do get the girl, it's after she has divorced or broken up with a typical "bad boy" and she's searching for Satan's (I mean Bad Boy's) polar opposite. It seems women have to suffer through a mountain high stack of "punks", "losers, "bad boys", and "jerks" before they get a clue the nice guys are waiting right in front of them.
The easiest way to tell whether a woman is ready for marriage and to settle down, is if she chooses and becomes attracted to nice guys. In the mean time, nice guys get trampled on in the dating world. First, because nice guys don't know the difference between good girls and bad girls, but he seems to have a radar for damsel's in distress, which usually sets him up for women with baggage, women who will use him, and/or women looking for a shoulder to cry on. These reasons alone are enough to discourage any guy.
Why do women pass up the nice guys?
1. Women know nice guys will wait around for them: Nice guys are nice and patient. They make good friends through thick and thin and even nurse a girl back to mental stability after the tirade of wrong guys continuously exit her life.
Nice guys are too patient and here's why that's bad. Most women like to shop and they like sales even better- sales bring in a stampede of women who want to get to an item that may only be available for a limited time. Bad boys are like a sale, take them or leave them, they have an attitude like "here's your one chance to have me" or else some other woman will snatch me up in a second. Just watch a popular item when it goes on sale- women will fight for it. Because it has perceived value if others want it.
2. Too good to be true mentality: Women have chosen guys who seem nice at first and treat them great initially, but they've also been the most hurt by these guys when they get fooled and the guy ends up being a jerk. In other words, true nice guys get the third degree when simply trying to give a woman compliments. Many bad boys disguise themselves as nice guys only to pull a trick on women so ultimately she will learn this and be extra cautious of a guy who is sweet and compliments her.
Women have a high level of distrust about a guy who seems too good to be true. Just be true to yourself and realize trust is earned. We all pay for the person before us when dating. Women begin generalizing ALL men are jerks and if a guy is going to be a jerk in the end, might as well take the hot bad boy in the corner of the bar smoking his cigarette and flirting with two other girls. Your mission, should you choose to accept, is gaining her trust and letting her see some of your faults early to let her know you are not perfect.
3. Does he like me? Nice guys seem to fall in love easily and this sends up red flags for many women. Women want to believe a guy likes her because she is who she is. If a guy falls for her seemingly easy, then it makes us think he would fall for anybody. I have known my fair share of nice guys who are in love with love- and not me.
4. Too much pressure: Nice guys give way too much and too soon- of themselves and even gifts, etc. The woman might misinterpret this as feeling like she will eventually owe him; emotionally, physically, monetarily. This is a lot of pressure. I once met a nice guy who did so much for me- thoughtful stuff and instead of enjoying it, my mind was racing with thoughts about "What if I don't like him as much as he likes me", "I don't want him to feel like he's wasting time and money on me if I can't reciprocate", " What are his expectations?", "I can't possibly give back to him what he's given to me"! You see all the dilemmas creeping up?
5. Nice can be interpreted as a girly trait: The law of attraction works like this; Women are most attracted to men who have manly traits, like strong, confident, aggressive (not overly), assured, etc. and men are most attracted to women with typical feminine characteristics like accommodating, sentimental, sensual, helpless (not in a bad way- just to open a jar sometimes).
Nice guys have a lot of the female characteristics, but it's not as attractive in a man. They appear too needy and pleasing when they reflect these traits. A woman, is not going to be attracted to a guy who possesses similar traits as her, hence opposites attract, and it won't be the nice guy she is attracted to.
TIPS FOR NICE GUYS
- Get confident- value yourself and show it. If you aren't convinced about your value, then she won't be either. Don't talk endlessly about your value, just show it in your presence.
- Get a gimmick- you must possess at least one trait on a woman's top 10 list of attractive traits; mainly sense of humor, adventurous, driven, responsible, honest. Dating is like fishing, luring a woman in with the appropriate bait and using it to your advantage. This doesn't make you a used car salesman, but rather someone who focuses on their valuable asset. You wouldn't focus on a non job related trait if you were at an interview, you determine what is valuable to the employer and use it.
- Don't need anyone else- even people who are madly in love, do not "need" each other. They will survive without each other as sad as it may be and they may strongly desire to be with the one they love, but need is too strong and too much pressure for any relationship. Need feels like control and can turn into an unhealthy co-dependant relationship. Many nice guys believe they get what they want if they are nice- this is a form of control and disastrous to relationships.
- Give a little, get a little- Make sure your efforts are being reciprocated. Don't get intoxicated by giving without evaluating whether you are getting anything in return. In dating, this balance should be equal, but in long-term relationships, it varies greatly. Bad boys get away with doing the bare minimum, and somehow they have women flocking to them.
- Set boundaries- if the girl says you two are friends then don't overstep those boundaries by picking up her dry cleaning, cooking her dinner, and bringing her little gifts. It's like having a friend with benefits, but probably no sex- she'll use you and you aren't even her boyfriend. Those tasks are boyfriend duties so back off and play the part of a friend ONLY. If you are doing everything she needs before you two are dating, then she won't need to date you.
- Pick nice girls- I know you nice guys are disgusted at how many nice girls pick bad boys, but you're no different. You seem to be attracted to the damsels in distress, which are women with too much baggage, completely unsettled in life, and need help of the professional type.
..and other lessons
In the field of psychology, experts will agree on certain aspects that make losers out of nice guys. These key aspects include:
- Not making their partner put more efforts into the relationship- relationships are give and take so require more and you may get more.
- Nice guys appear too available- aka, desperate. Get a life and don't drop everything to be with your date at the drop of a dime.
- Play hard to get. What is easy to come by is not a commodity...nobody wants it.
- Why Most of My Friends Are Guys
I just got off the phone with a good friend- a woman who wants me to give her advice about the guy she is dating. This phone call lasted 2 hours and about 20 more minutes of texting in addition after that....
- Topics You Should Avoid on a First Date
Because trial and error isn't the best way to approach dating, I have compiled a comprehensive list of topics you shouldn't talk about on a first date- perhaps the first few dates. Some general tips...
- Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys
Is a good girl attracted to a bad boy? Well did Eve take a bite of the apple in the garden of Eden? Yes. For opposites to attract it doesn't necessarily mean a yin to a yang or the "you complete me" cliche....