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Can a Relationship Work After a Breakup?

Updated on October 21, 2018

While some relationships can be mended after a breakup, the majority of the failed relationships can never be resuscitated. Even if the exes reunite another breakup is bound to occur. This is because there are factors which can determine whether a failed relationship can be restored to its former glory.

The following are the factors:

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1. Reason For The Breakup

For every relationship that fails, there is a reason that contributed to its failure to remain strong and active.The reasons might be justified or on the contrary. An example of an insignificant reason is when a dumper ends the relationship because of a simple misunderstanding or disagreement.

If the reason for the breakup is justified, then it is very difficult for the failed relationship to be revived. It is better to let it dead asleep than trying to bring it back to life. Once you revive it, you will end up in the same situation - breakup.

If the dumper ended the relationship on a reasonable ground, no matter how much the dumpee tries, the two of them can never reunite. It will be very difficult for the dumpee to try to get her ex back.

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2. The Impact Of The Breakup

If the dumper feels he shouldn’t have ended the relationship and wants to get back his ex, it will be an uphill task. Firstly, it will hinge on how the dumpee feels about the dumper depending on the dumper’s reason for ending the relationship. Secondly, it will depend how much the dumpee has been affected by her ex's decision to end the relationship. No matter how much the dumper tries, the dumpee wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

If the dumpee feels betrayed or the dumper’s reason for ending the relationship is inexplicable, the failed relationship can never be revived.

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3. Length Of The Relationship

People become strongly attached emotionally when they know each other for a lengthy time. The more people get used to each other, the more emotionally bonded they become. This explains why exes take a long time to heal and recover from breakup. Their relationship spanned for many years which resulted in them becoming strongly attached. In addition, it illustrates why it’s easier for the exes to get back together than the exes who barely know each other. It is difficult for exes who have been in relationship for a month to get back together than exes who have known each for many years.

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4. The Mode Of Breakup

How did the dumper end the relationship? Through text, call or personally? How was his attitude when breaking up with his partner? Which choice of words did he use? How was his posture? Which tone did he use?

It matters a lot how the dumper acted when ending the relationship. If there was no graciousness in his being when delivering the ‘breaking news’ - ending the relationship, the dumper wouldn’t want to be in another relationship with him. The dumpee would have noted one or two things she never knew about his partner. This realization will make her avoid another relationship with her ex.

Additionally, would one want to get back with an ex who was not considerate when ending the relationship? If the dumper ended the relationship in a prideful manner, would it make sense to get back with him when he comes calling for a reunion?

5. The Manner Of The Breakup

Was there are a lot of drama during the breakup? Was there exchange of words? If indeed there was drama during the breakup, it’s without no doubt the failed relationship can never be brought back to its former glory. If both or one of the exes went overboard in the way they/he/she reacted, it will be hard for the two to reconcile. Even if it happens they get back together, the revived relationship may not survive in the long run. In addition, if drama was manifested it will affect one or both of the exes negatively. One or both of them will be affected emotionally and both of them or either one of them wouldn’t want to get back with his/her ex.

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While the above factors can play a role in determining whether a relationship will work out after a breakup, sometimes it’s hard to know whether a failed relationship can be revived. Some relationships are very complicated once they hit the rock - break up - it’s very difficult for the failed relationship to work out again. On the other hand, a relationship can be complex and end up negatively, but it can work out without experiencing another breakup. Some factors will have favored the failed relationship making it possible for the exes to reunite without another breakup occurring.

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With some failed relationships it is very hard to know if they will work out when you consider:

  • The purpose of a person wanting to engage in the relationship. What was the reason for the person wanting to be in a relationship with another person before the breakup? Did the person want to engage in the relationship because he was lonely? Did he feel left out because his friends got married?
  • If one of the exes is a love addict.
  • If one or both of the exes is exercising No Contact rule. If it is the case, the failed relationship can work out or not.
  • If one of the exes needs a break from the breakup. The ex does love his other significant ex and wants to get back with his ex as does his ex wants to get back with him but he wants some time off. Time to ponder, contemplate and reflect. During this time, he may decide to get back or not. In addition, he may ask for a break because he wants to rest his mind as a result of the emotional turmoil he underwent during the breakup and shortly after it.
  • The influence of a family and/or friends will determine to a greater extent if the failed relationship will work out. If one of the exes heeds the urging of her family and/or friends not to get back with her ex; no matter how hard the other one tries, it will be fruitless.
  • Whether you are needy and/or desperate. If it’s the case it will be very hard for your ex to want to get back with you. No person wants to be in a relationship with somebody who is needy or desperate. Even if the two of you get back together the revived relationship won’t survive. Being needy or desperate will revive the past problems that cropped up before the breakup or new problems will occur which will cause rifts in the relationship.
  • After the breakup if your ex began seeing another person the possibility of the failed relationship working out is slim. Also, if your ex was seeing another man before the breakup the failed relationship might not work out. If it works out, it might survive or not.
  • Lastly, if you or your ex hasn't changed before the two of you get together, then the possibility of the failed relationship surviving is very slim. Before getting together each of the exes need to ponder or reflect on the reasons why the relationship failed and if there are changes as regards to his/her behavior/attitude that need changes.

In conclusion, two advices remain: Try your luck or stop looking back. If you try your luck there’s the possibility of the two of you getting back together. It’s possible but statistics show only a small number of breakups work out satisfactorily. This indicates it’s very difficult for a broken relationship to work out. The other advice is to forget to try to get your ex back. You will get another lover and hopefully it will not end in a bad note. You will love each other to the moon and back.

© 2017 Benny Njuguna

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    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Benny Njuguna 

      2 years ago from Kenya

      You are right. If the two people have not changed in terms of having a new perspective/outlook during the period before reuniting, then it will lead to another breakup. And reiterating what you've said, "The best chance for a relationship to workout after a breakup is both people have had time to do some serious introspective thinking to determine what transpired as well as being able to articulate what they've learned and why they would react differently if faced with the same circumstances that ended the relationship." I totally agree.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      Excellent article!

      Do Relationships Work Out After a Breakup?

      To answer that one has to ask: What has changed?

      If both people are still in the same mental space they were in when the relationship ended odds are their getting back together will be the equivalent of going to see a movie a second time and expecting the ending to be different.

      There are 3 basic reasons why (mature people) breakup

      1. A realization they chose the wrong mate. (Too incompatible)

      2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of the other.

      3. Fell out of love over time/stopped wanting the same things.

      On the other hand (young and immature people) may breakup for the slightest of reasons. They didn't receive a call back in a timely manner, heard a rumor, or didn't want to attend a party...etc

      The reality is most of our relationships during our youth are doomed to fail because they are essentially taking place at a time when we have yet to figure our who (we) are let alone know what it is we want and need in a mate for life. We just don't know it!

      The reality is very few people meet their "soulmate" during their teenage years or early 20s. These are "practice relationships".

      The best chance for a relationship to workout after a breakup is both people have had time to do some serious introspective thinking to determine what transpired as well as being able to articulate what they've learned and why they would react differently if faced with the same circumstances that ended the relationship.

      There has to be a "change" or a new perspective/outlook in order for two people to avoid a repeat of their past.

      Getting back together simply because one is lonely, depressed, or hate the process of meeting/dating new people are not great reasons for reuniting.

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