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Do You Lie to Your Partner?

Updated on March 26, 2013

I think the answer to that pointy question is Yes for most people in relationships. If they say No, they are, ironically, lying.

But, when is a lie innocent and harmless but is told to placate or avoid an issue, and will it that harmless lie become harmful when the truth does come out?

I believe the truth always comes out. It may not be immediate but time has a way of casting light on lie or fib. It maybe months, or years, but it will surface. Would you tell a lie to make the relationship better? if you have kids, as a parent, do you omit telling the other parent certain things that trigger a fight? Some trigger issue that always ignite passion? All couples have them over time, after the "honeymoon" phase is over and life together begins.

Now, we all kids will fib or lie to their parents on some degree but they do it for privacy, especially in the teen years. Couples know from experience that full disclosure is not always the best policy, although, that should be the way, it never seems to be. It usually begins with little things, non-important events or people. Lies also take the form of avoidance, not bringing up the issue or leads the other person to believe the lie is true.

Is being honest always the best policy? Well, it depends on the issue. What if you told your partner you hated their parents or brothers\sisters? Or, after work, you went out for a drink with another woman or man?

Partners are actually less happy with each other when they are honest. That is according to a 20 year study of couples. Sharing too much info is detrimental to a relationship, but so is lying. It eats away at the person lying and when found out, the person who was told the lie. The study showed that avoiding a trigger topic to avoid a fight is fine.

Whether telling a lie is bad or good depends on the cost benefit. Will the info be more harmful to the relationship if disclosed up front or later? If the lie disturbs the sexual aspect of the relationship, it should be disclosed. Being honest often creates "distance" between the couple that may not recover, while just keeping something secret is far less likely to create problems.

Lying or telling the truth can be a minefield, nothing may come from it or it could explode in your face. Prepare for the worse and then decide if the cost is worth it.


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