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Do You Tell Him/Her How You Feel?

Updated on February 9, 2011

Here's the situation.

Okay, relationships are tough. And deciding whether to even get into the relationship is the first tough step. Here are the situations to which this article applies:

  1. You are in love with a friend and they do not know.
  2. You are in love with someone you have hooked up with and they do not know.
  3. Someone is in love with you and thinks you are not in love with them, but you do not know if you want to get in a relationship.
  4. You are about to move away, or they are about to move away, and you do not want to get into a long distance relationship.

Do you tell him/her how you feel? Questions to ask yourself to help you get to an answer.

The best way to deal with matters of the heart is to do it one at a time.

1. Did you make a mistake? You think maybe I shouldn't have done this - No use in thinking like this. You did, and wondering whether you should or shouldn't have will simply cloud your thoughts and make you anxious out of fear that you made a mistake. And anyway, it doesn't sound like a mistake to me if he or she is still on your mind.

2. Is the reason you think you have said nothing really why you said nothing? Or did you not say anything because you were also protecting yourself/your feelings/your pride? Thinking about the role fear played in you keeping your mouth shut might help you make a decision.

3. How does he or she feel? Why do you think that? It means a lot if he or she talks/talked to a friend about you. By talking to others, he or she is looking for answers, which means he or she knows you have feelings for them. Also, just because he/she is going out with other people, it does not mean that you are not on their mind. Having feelings for someone does not tie a person down, and if they asked about you that means you are still on their mind. That is what you should focus on in deciding whether to open up your heart.

4. Is it best to be honest? You know the old adage 'honesty is the best policy'. Is it? Well, think of it this way: if you miss him/her, you miss him/her. Lying/Omitting the truth will not help that - or the other person. Also, give the target of your affections some credit! If you allow him or her to think that your relationship is shallow, it will never make sense to him/her because his/her emotional intellect is telling him/her otherwise. Also, if you allow him/her to think that, you will probably lose him/her, you will still hurt, and you will wonder.

5. Should you go see him/her? If it is bugging you that much, yes, you should go see him/her for precisely the reasons above. You may think you are protecting yourself by not seeing him/her, but think of what other emotional effects it will have on you... you will then have crossed over into the realm of people who let love pass because they're afraid it might be hard. Yes, you'll avoid this particular pain, but you'll cause yourself pain, dullness, and emptiness (that's dark, I know, but I think that when you choose to push away something that makes you feel happy, those ^ intermittent clouds become more prominent in your daily life).

6. How much commitment do you require? Remember that telling him/her how you feel and choosing to see him/her are not committal actions. Your feelings could change the following week, or his/hers could - you never know. All you're doing is giving the current situation the biggest effort that you can. You simply can't predict the future.

Thinking about these things might help you make a decision on confessing your love. Do you grab it by the horns or take the careful road and tiptoe around it until it goes away? 


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