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Men and Women Do Not View Romance in the Same Way

Updated on August 22, 2018
ethel smith profile image

With a keen interest in British politics this writer is never afraid to share her opinion

Men and Women

What is it they say about women being from Mars and men from Venus. No that''s not right is it? Men are from Mars and women from Venus.

Either way it is a certain fact that men and women think very differently.

Perhaps we are not from different planets but at times it does feel as if we are a totally different species.

So what about in the romance stakes? Is a man simply after one thing when he is young? Do men appreciate romance? Can men even comprehend what romance is?

Is it all just wham, bam, thank-you ma'am.

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Romance

So I have been giving this subject my utmost consideration.

I am old enough and wise enough to realize that we are all different. Even what one woman deems highly romantic, may be a big turn off to another.

Sure some guys may whisk you off your feet, shower you with gifts and treat you to romantic dinners but it may mean little to them in real terms.

Your partner of the last however many years may offer the smallest romantic gesture but due to circumstances this could mean more than any trappings a rich guy could bestow on you.

During a vacation on the Greek Island of Crete a small gesture made a big impression.

Walking back across a shingle beach I made a song and dance about all the tiny stones sticking in between my toes.

My man sat me on the beach and grabbed my feet as he began to painstakingly remove all the stones from my feet but could do nothing but laugh and giggle.

A German couple passed by and I heard the woman say "Ah das ist Liebe".

That is love, for those of you unsure.

(Well, trust me over the years we have had to do far worse for each other)

I remember smiling and thinking I know what you mean.

Maybe not a romantic gesture but a loving one.

It must have made an impression as that happened years ago but remembering it still makes me smile.

Perhaps you are thinking that it made such as impression on me as it was a rare, loving gesture but no that's not the case.

My husband is not one of those suave, sophisticated, romantic devils who sweeps you off your feet but he has his moments.

Perhaps it was knowing that a big man, well over six feet tall, had this gentle side to his nature.

Little gifts, occasional flowers, even without having a row, and thoughtful gestures mean a lot to me.

On the whole, I think that you need to be able to see the romance to appreciate it.

If you are hoping for the grand gesture then you are leaving yourself open for the big disappointment. You may also not notice the more heartfelt romance there before your eyes.

These days I tend to ignore Valentine's day but this is not just because I have been married almost 46 years.

It is also because father-in-law died on Valentine's Day 1996 which means that my man often has more on his mind than romance that day.

If he buys a card, flowers, chocolates, a gift or what you will all well and good.

If he doesn't?

Well there 364 or 365 more days of the year when he can romance me and I him.

Don't forget girls that romance works both ways.

You do need to bear in mind though that many men are aliens by comparison to females so do not not automatically expect them to act as we do.

We are all individuals after all.

Expectations

Men and women are programmed very differently from a young age.

Some of it s genetic, some is natural differences but some is how we are taught from a young age by our parents, siblings, teachers and friends.

In the 21st Century some of the stereo-typical toys for boys or girls and types of education are interchangeable between the sexes.

But there still exists bias and bigotry.

Boys are still encouraged to be tough and sensitivity is not encouraged while it is acceptable for a female to cry and show compassion.

This can lead to expectations which have to be fulfilled.

But Romance Is Timeless

Even in centuries past romance existed.

When men were men

Some men view romance as a means to an end, others as necessary at times but there are men who simply get pleasure from the happiness their romancing brings their loved one.

It is probably fair to say though that a majority of women love romantic gestures.

Whether it is that women like it or not tend to have a softer side or that men are trained from a young age to fulfill a different role is not clear but the conclusion has to be yes men and women can be very different.

© 2010 Ethel Smith

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    • camdjohnston12 profile image

      camdjohnston12 

      7 years ago

      Great hub! It is very realistic. Thanks.

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 

      7 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Wonderful interesting hub. God Bless You Precious Heart.

    • antonrosa profile image

      antonrosa 

      8 years ago from USA

      Good to know!

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      I'll agree with that trusted. We should both accept each others differences.

    • Trusted Marketing profile image

      Trusted Marketing 

      8 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Agreed that men and women don't view romance the same way. So how about a little understanding and sharing perspectives so we can both learn.

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Too true Mom

    • AllMomNeeds2know profile image

      AllMomNeeds2know 

      8 years ago

      Men and women don't view romance the same way. Your example of your husband helping you on the beach is I guess the kind of thing that really counts not flowers or candy although that's nice too :)

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      I know what you mean. I also think that when they make a sweet gesture it all the more touching, especially if it is huge man

    • Silver Rose profile image

      Silver Rose 

      8 years ago from UK

      I think men are often more romantic than women. I know the cliché in the media is the opposite, but when they fall in love, men fall hard.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      I really enjoyed reading this Hub. 37 years!? That is a beautiful thing. Hubby sounds like a good and loving man. We should all do acts of love far more often than we do.

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      and thanks for visiting mdlawyer

    • mdlawyer profile image

      mdlawyer 

      8 years ago

      This hub gives a different perspective to romance. Thanks for sharing.

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      I know Tony. It is just another commercial exercise.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      8 years ago from South Africa

      Lovely stuff. I'm all for romance and like little better than spoiling the special person in my life. But I get rather unromantically pissed off with the whole commercial hype around Valentine's day, I have to confess.

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Thanks recover.Don't get me wrong we have our moments though.

    • RecoverToday profile image

      RecoverToday 

      8 years ago from United States

      Very good read here. It would be wonderful if all relationships could be so giving. Appreciate a positive approach.

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Thanks for visiting

    • Money Glitch profile image

      Money Glitch 

      8 years ago from Texas

      I like this hub because it is a great reminder that many times what we are longing for we already have; it's just in a different form of romantic love. Thanks for sharing!

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Apricot and Chris it seems then that we appreciate those loving gestures more than material gifts. Thanks girls.

      Regards to you Chris x

    • apricot profile image

      apricot 

      8 years ago from Italy

      For me, the pebble story on the beach epitomises real love - it's funny how you're ideas change over time because I wouldn't have said that a few years ago. One of my favourite films is Brief Encounters (the original) and now, when I watch it I can't help thinking that the real love comes from Laura's husband. I don't know what you think? I believe the small gestures speak much more than any flowers or chocolates. That was beautiful!

    • christalluna1124 profile image

      christalluna1124 

      8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Beautiful hub Ethel. My husband who will be away for awhile and I had a wonderful 25 years together. He never missed a birthday, anniversary, special day or any other time to show mw he cared. I think the times he washed the dishes, rubbed my feet, ironed my clothes for work, little things that he really didn't have to do, but came from his heart was meant more than the ones on special days when you expect it. he is a big man but with the heart of a teddy bear. He is a man of a few words, the rare moments he does say I love you mean more than if he did it all the time. But I knew by his actions that he always loved me, then, now, and always. sometimes actions speak more than words,

      it's good to be back.

      Warmest regards,

      Chris

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Ah but then my pen name would be blown Jay jay. Maybe in the future

    • jayjay40 profile image

      jayjay40 

      8 years ago from Bristol England

      Brilliant hub as usual, just one thing, is the photo of you and your hubby?

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Definitely Patricias

    • 2patricias profile image

      2patricias 

      8 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

      Nice Hub to get us thinking about Valentine's Day. We both try to do something nice with our respective Wonderful Husbands - but sometimes other things get in the way. As you say, there are plenty of other days in the year, and sometimes we are more in need of romance on an 'undesignated' day.

    • ethel smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      I'm so glad you guys got my point. It did sort of ramble on a little :)

      If anyone is wiritng for Haiti give ne a nudge and I will drop by.

      Dusty I must check out youtube and get back to you later.

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      8 years ago from Arizona

      Romance? I'm one of those thickheaded martians I think. It's nice to read the success you and your Hubby have had over 37 years. To which I'm a failure and disappointment to all who have crossed my path, I think maybe I'm like Spock off the Enterprise from Star Trek, just to logical to understand romance. so "Beam me up Scotty, the women don't like me" LOL Here is my song that used to get me in deep trouble, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wO_6wMRS7A or this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLxNbEuOO20&fea...

    • Laura in Denver profile image

      Laura Deibel 

      8 years ago from Aurora

      Great hub and *kudos* for a good marriage.

      My parents had some rough years, but hung in there and got through it.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      You are a great writer and I enjoyed reading this hub very much. A lot of thoughts went into it.

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Wonderful hub. Looks like you and hubby are doing something right!

    • emohealer profile image

      Sioux Ramos 

      8 years ago from South Carolina

      How beautiful ethel.....after 37 years and still enjoying the good moments no one could write more about romance and the differences and how to narrow the gap by recognizing what is right before our eyes than you. I loved the story of the stones and knew the saying without translation, beautiful.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 

      8 years ago from Canada

      Nice one, ethel,. It's often the little, truly considerate things that make so much more of a difference than a grandiose gesture. Well done with the writing-for-relief-efforts!

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      I always think it always takes two to make romance. Men tend to stress more, esp if he's the sole breadwinner. Women get all tired just taking care of the kids, doing home chores. Which is why couples need to find time and place to unwind. It's not easy. Valentine shouldn't be the only day to do something. As you say, love is all year round. Enjoyed your Valentine hub.

    • BkCreative profile image

      BkCreative 

      8 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

      I think there is no better definition for romance than 'kindness and respect' - even if you don't feel the great love in the beginning those kindnesses seem to add up and then the respect - which should be a given. Mmmmmm. My idea of a hot romance! Like the kindness of picking pebbles out of your partner's toes on a beach - so kind - and then she showing the respect by appreciating it - and even writing a hub about it. Romance of the highest order! Isn't it interesting how a stranger can see the romance in such a situation? Because it's sincere.

      Another nice hub!

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