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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Do we fit the mold others place us in?
"I wanted you to..."
“But I thought you would…; Why don’t you just…” Anyone ever say something like this to you?Sometimes we inadvertently place hardships on others by expecting them to be the ‘way’ or the person we think they should be.We all do it! But, in ‘setting the bar’ or setting the expectations for someone else, do we seem to smooth a little more on this side or squeeze-in a little less on the other trying to make them fit the ‘mold’ we have already set for them?
“Now, don’t go off half-baked…” like a loaf of bread or pan of cookies when exposed for seemingly molding us or some other family member or friend into how you think we should be.We’ve all heard of living up to expectations, but sometimes we just might not fully consider the other individual we are trying to mold.I think this is why some children & youth are so mixed-up these days, like maybe more being expected or ‘placed’ on them than they can handle right then.Like the woman in WalMart telling her 2 year old, “Don’t be so childish…”Duuuh!How else is a 2-year-old child supposed to act?
Hey, it works the other way also.“But Dad, I wanted you to…”I bet if you were to ask any of my children,” what was one of your dad’s most famous comebacks when you confronted him when you were growing” up they would reply; “I sorry if I don’t fit your mold…”, I find life is hard enough on its own to have to live up to standards set by someone else.You never seem to win, but are ‘creamed’ when you don’t react as expected.After all, who made others the authority over your life to the extent that you are ‘molded’ to perform a certain way?Our first response after noncompliance to these expectations is usually, “I’m sorry!”But we just can’t correct every wrong with; “I’m sorry…” the hurt is still there.We can however resolve to the fact that “today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I hereby resolve to consider the other person before I place unattainable expectations upon them.” Be it a child or an adult.
Just count to ten...
It’s just too easy to open our mouths before we do our minds I guess.Ever hear the old expression, “just count to 10 before you say anything.”Here is a good place to apply that rule.I had a friend once that always cleared his throat before he answered when you ask him something.It used to drive me ‘batty, but oh what a Tudor I later found him to be.
With the fast-paced life style we find ourselves in these days, we seldom say ‘thanks’, ‘you’re welcome’, ‘Hi, how are you…’Oh, the pressures of life.What if we each determined to just say ‘thank you’ today each time some situation warrants it?Each opportunity to advise, we cleared our throat before we opened our mouth, just to give us an extra moment to consider before we lash out with something we may later regret… maybe if we tried a smile at that ole grumpy sour-puss down at the market—it just might do us a little good and him also.
If we would just consider that the problem might possibly be within us, instead of always in the other person, we might think twice before we attempt to mold that person’s attitude and life into a possible irreversible hostility.
© 2010 SamSonS