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Do you know why you are not attracting the right guy?

Updated on June 3, 2015

The Questions

While meeting “the one” can be challenging now a days and there is a “numbers game” aspect to dating, sometimes there is something else wrong. Okay, maybe you know how to put on a dress, heels, and present yourself in your best light but are you missing some basic qualities men desire? Are you presenting yourself in your best light for your own benefit?

Ever witness a career professional at a gala or event with a women that speaks loudly, speaking vulgar language, and lacks social etiquette? (Smoking is a turn off to non-smokers.) Kind of looks like a piece of jewelry placed in a pig’s ear doesn’t it?

Ever witness a woman with a beautiful spirit and the body hair and mustache to match?

Ever witness a woman that handles all affairs, steps up to the hostess to advise where they want to be seated, grabs the check, and announces when they are ready to leave? Take charge, take charge, and take charge!

Ever witness the girl next door? Always wears pants, wants to joke around, never wear heels, and present not one ounce of femininity besides your hair and maybe your makeup.

Ever witness a woman with a full-time job, education/trade, part-time business owner, volunteer and they constantly have problems from the low achiever that is nowhere nearly interested in success or achievement?

Ever witness a woman accept any kind of treatment just to beg for a man to be around?

Ever witness a woman thinking sex is her “draw” for developing a quality relationship and gives it away frequently and often to others only to realize she has lost interest and respect from men? Sidebar. Steve Harvey, Steve Ward, Patti Stanger, Shay the Date Diva and most specialist in relationships/love advocate waiting to have sex when dating.

No Prototype

Now while there is no 100% prototype that men want and are attracted to as taste can differ, there are some similarities. As ladies let’s be honest with our approach and presentation.

Steve Harvey had a show segment air recently with a young lady and he invited 5 of her prior relationship partners on the show in an effort to help her figure out why she was single. It was interesting to witness her evaluation through someone else’s perspective.

The men revealed they did not feel secure in the relationship and there was mention that she didn’t act like a lady which was a turn off. Her smoking, vulgar language, and the way she was so particular with her food orders and bad treatment of waitress staff was noted and not appreciated. Sometimes we can view ourselves one way but have no idea what others might think of our presentation overall. One of the most interesting things Steve said as the woman was threatening her ex-boyfriends to terrorize them on facebook in retaliation while denying every assessment of her behavior: A Man Wants A Woman To Be A Lady/Feminine. A woman is the softness or feminine energy brought to the relationship while the man should be the masculine energy. He mentioned how lovely it is to have the softness, dresses, and presentation that make a woman this soft beautiful energy.

Ladies, A Question.

When you walk out of your door do you feel your presentation represents your worth?

See results

Take time to rewind and review the footage

Every three to six months ladies we need to reflect on who we are meeting, how our interactions are developing, and determine if you are on track to achieve your relationship goals. My mother always says how you carry yourself and your presentation will attract the right or wrong people into your life. My mother always says if you want the man in the 3 piece suit, they are looking for someone that matches their presentation not the girl in the jeans and a t-shirt.

While every interaction will not result in a successful relationship we must recognize when changes need to be made to attract people that reflect what we feel about ourselves. The exception to situations are not the rule or most probable outcome. As T.D. Jakes said, men love hard but they don’t stay lonely for long. So when you review your presentation, behavior, desires-what you want in a relationship, and the men you have dated make minor tweaks to present your best self. Your outward appearance is a manifestation of how you feel about yourself. While everyone does not have the same desires when it comes to relationships, presenting your best self is not optional.

You can’t tell me you love yourself and you are grossly overweight.

You can’t tell me you love yourself and you will accept anyone or beg anyone to be a part of your life.

You can’t tell me you love yourself and possess class and you present yourself loudly, vulgar language and display inappropriate behavior in public.

You can’t tell me you love yourself and you won’t wax your mustache, shave/wax arms, or get rid of chest hair. UUUGGGGHHHHH

You can’t tell me you love yourself and you reach for achievement and have no standards for your partner.

You can't tell me you love yourself and your house is filthy and disorganized.

You can’t tell me you love yourself and you roll out of bed and take 5 minutes to get dressed for work putting on wrinkled pants and sloppy shirt telling the world you don’t care or you don’t have a high regard for yourself (low self-esteem).

Get The Love You're Worth

Good Advice

A person once shared a great piece of advice. He said when he attracts the wrong people consistently he takes the time to focus on positive energy, exercises more to feel good, and takes some time to improve another aspect in his life. After implementing these changes he tends to encounter better matches for himself when dating. Remember, the opportunity to discover more occurs after the presentation –the draw. It’s like shopping, until you see the color and cut of the dress then you want to know fabric and price then you want to try the dress on to see if it’s a good fit. No one buys the dress that is folded up in a brown paper bag labeled dress and then desires to determine what is inside. Remember this. Evaluate your presentation and behavior to determine if it matches who you are, what you want, and what you desire. How does someone else know you value and care for yourself when you don't display it.


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    • realtalk247 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago

      Dashing Scorpio, when you are right you are right. Such great insight to all matters, you provide. Amen on your four basic steps!

      "The hunter doesn't get to tell the prey what to like or want!".....True True.

      Thank you for your feedback.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      Voted up and useful!

      "Now while there is no 100% prototype that men want and are attracted to as taste can differ..." is very true!

      I always say "Be yourself" unless you're unhappy with the results you're getting. :) Otherwise prepare to be extremely patient if you don't change.

      Too often I find a lot of women want to "tell men" what (they) should be looking for in a woman!

      The hunter doesn't get to tell the prey what to like or want!

      Instead a hunter studies the prey, their strengths, weaknesses, habits, and desires. There's a reason why duck hunters don't scream "Moo!"

      Both men and women are guilty of not stepping in the other person shoes. In my classes I teach 4 basic steps to finding your ideal mate.

      1. Become a "me" expert. - Know what (you) want in a mate.

      2. Write down a description of their hobbies, occupation, and interests

      3. Transference (Imagine being them, having it all, and then ask yourself)

      "If I were him/her would I really want someone like me?" (Be honest)

      If the answer is "no" then go about cultivating the traits you believe such a person would want in their mate.

      4. Be there! (You have to run in the same circles to meet your ideal mate). If one is very detailed in step 2 they have an idea of where to be.

      Sounds to me as though the woman on Steve Harvey didn't have a problem "attracting" good men. Her problem was with learning how to keep them around!

      As you stated: "While every interaction will not result in a successful relationship we must recognize when changes need to be made to attract people that reflect what we feel about." - Very true!

      Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      Everyone evolves over time. What you might consider to be your "ideal mate" at 22 may not be what you want in a mate at 32, 42, or 52!

      You have to recognize changes (in yourself) or else you'll continue using the same old "mate selection criteria" you've always used.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse!

      Ideally with age and life experience comes wisdom. :)


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