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Does He Like Me? Male Body Language Decoded

Updated on December 28, 2012

Sweet Nothings

Words are easily diluted of all feeling. Body language however, is far harder to mask, and a far better gauge of how our prospective romantic fortunes may pan out down the road. From the direct, sustained glance, to out of character giddiness. Our body makes shameless fools of us all (yet endearing ones). And men are certainly no exceptions to this rule. If anything, they (we) have a habit of being particularly emotionally translucent. The trick is becoming conscious of body language, and turn our gut-churning instincts into educated guesses.

This article amounts to a mix of research and personal experience, which I hope, will allow you to get a firmer grip on some easily noticed signals of body language attraction.

It isn't always easy to decipher body language when it comes to our own bouts of flirting!
It isn't always easy to decipher body language when it comes to our own bouts of flirting! | Source

Signs Of Interest And Attraction

Everyone differs when it comes to body language. Some of us are far more conscious of what our bodies say about us, and are thus adept at communicating subconsciously. Because of this, the best you can ever hope for is an educated guess. Despite the plethora of "you have it made" articles strewn around the web, it is better (consider this my disclaimer) to eradicate high hopes and keep expectations realistic.

We can, be fairly sure however. Recent studies on body language confirm that some behaviours are constant, especially those that denote interest and attraction. Here is a quick list of behaviours that you have his attention.

  • Look for an open posture - An open body posture subconsciously demonstrates interest and honesty. In short they are paying attention, and are happy where they are. Signs of an open posture include relaxed arms which don't cross the midsection and hug the body, legs which aren't folded, and direct yet relaxed eye contact. Be careful not to misread environmental causes (such as being cold) when assessing body language.
  • The body gravitates towards objects of interest - If, when you've initiated a conversation, you notice that his feet and torso are subtly indicating the exit, chances are, that's exactly where he wishes to go. Many facets of male body language are identical to those of their female counter-parts (there are exceptions). If his body and feet are centred on you (even if he's looking around), particularly if you are conversing in a group, chalk it up as a win in your favour.
  • Prolonged eye contact - This can be a tricky one to gauge because shy guys will seek eye contact but might be a little intimidated by sustaining it, particularly around a girl they like. As a rule of thumb judge the volume of eye contact sought over it's duration. If he is interested he'll have problems not checking back in your direction.
  • Farewell monotone - Hormone rushes and a swell of excitement are demonstrated by a conspicuous lack of monotone while conversing. In short, everything becomes a little more amazing or damning than usual. Constant variance in pitch is a subconscious weapon that aims at not losing your attention.

As discussed below, a text-book example of high levels of rapport.
As discussed below, a text-book example of high levels of rapport. | Source

Birds Of A Feather

Perhaps the most key realization when asking yourself whether he likes you is what is known in neuro-linguistic circles as rapport. In short, rapport is a superficially (although it feels entirely natural) generated feeling of being in sync.

When it comes to gauging being in "sync" with regards to body language, take a second to consider in the "now" how you are reacting to each other. In general, a healthy dose of mutual attraction and interest will lead to the following scenario:

  • You are both facing each other and your postures are eerily similar.
  • You are talking at the same pace.
  • He laughs when you do and vice versa.
  • He reciprocates gestures, casual touches and jokes.

Consider lovers and close friends, and look at how they copy each other subconsciously. Imitation, we know, is the sincerest form of flattery -- and our bodies are masters of adaptation. If you suddenly find that you're both butting heads every three seconds because you both decided to bend over at the same time chalk up another win on ye olde tally.

The Stand Up Comedian

While I briefly considered adding a section regarding so-called alpha male body signals such as the good old hands-in-pockets routine that happens to be a great way to show off the breadth of his chest and shoulders, I do happen to feel it is both outdated and illusory. Outdated because there are better, more accessible signals available to us, and illusory because it is also a masculine mechanism for self-aggrandizement and comfort.

A better signal, to me, is that of a man attempting to sound and act like a second-rate stand-up comedian. It's in his eyes, in his tone and his easy, relaxed smile. Men are subconsciously aware that humour not only makes us feel safe and less prone to volatility. It also happens to be a fantastic medium to accrue attraction, display healthy self-esteem and a great way to manifest strength of character. An all round winner which demands a great deal of energy. The kind of energy that we wouldn't expend on just about anyone.


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