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True Love - Does Society Create Too Much Pressure to Find It?

Updated on January 25, 2015

Till Death Do Us Part ... Really?

love and marriage
love and marriage | Source

Pressure of Love

Does the society we live in put too much pressure on us to spend our lives looking for true love in someone else?
It seems to me that even as children we are taught that we need someone else, outside of our family, to love us in order for us to be complete.

The message is in movies, music, videos, TV series, books and magazines. We are surrounded by media that implies we are not complete without the love of someone else in our world. We are told we need someone else to verify our validity as a worthy human being.

Our family's love is not enough.

Set Up for Failure?

I am starting to think that we are being set up to strive for something that is not necessarily the be all and end all goal of life. Too many people become trapped in this unrealistic and unattainable goal. They spend their life searching for something that they don't need to be a whole person. In other words we are being set up for failure.

50% of marriages collapse and end in divorce. Brutal, hateful disputes over money, children and possessions by spouses who once loved each other enough to make a lifetime commitment turn ugly and vindictive. Murders happen because of failed relationships and fear of retribution.

It makes me stop and wonder. What kind of society has been created as a result of the expectations of mating for life?

and baby makes 3
and baby makes 3 | Source

Real Love not "True Love"

The most important person in this world is us, as individuals.

Love needs to start with self. To love oneself is the most important achievement of all. Without the true love of oneself first, there can be no true acceptance of love of any kind in a world outside the family home. There, we are hopefully lucky enough to have been blessed with unconditional love through the love of our mothers and fathers.

Collectively we can create magic in so many ways and in so many types of relationships.

By working together to achieve goals, hopes and dreams, even unfulfilled, the accomplishment of working collectively can be unbelievably exhilarating.

Do we need a single individual, tied by a sexual bond, to confirm our beneficial existence?

I am becoming very aware that we are constantly being pressured by society. Media influence, churches of our time, writers and everyone who has been influenced by anything they have ever read or seen point us in one direction. To find a partner.

Classic Films of Love Stories

have Shaped How We Think

True Love

By the time I turned 25 years old I had not married. I had been asked 4 times by then, but not by a man who I honestly felt I could commit to living with for the rest of my life, so I remained alone.

As a result I was passive aggressively scorned by those around me.

It was hurtful, stressful and put undo pressure on me to fulfill the dreams that everyone else had. As a result, I determined that my career path would be my immediate goal, and I followed it.

I'm not saying that true love doesn't exist, I believe it does. I am now very happily married. I was patient and picky.

My parents is a love story like in the fairy tales, but it takes work, and I was lucky enough to be a witness. It takes hard work to achieve the continued success that comes with any long term relationship. They don't mention that in fairy tales do they?

It's interesting that most fairy tales end when the happy couple gets married... Why is that?

Is the reality that marriage and true love take work withheld to entrap us all into believing love conquers all?

Well if you have had a partner of any kind in life, you know this isn't true. Love, hard work and commitment, is what a real partnership takes to keep going.

Do the benefits to society outweigh the torture endured by those who suffer the consequences of unsuccessful and failed relationships?

Society doesn't just push us to fall in love - they dictate who it's okay to fall in love with. The colour of skin, the age and the sex of any given partner must be acceptable. The consequences? Society freely mocks, ridicules and points the finger at those who don't follow the "rules".

But, because society keeps changing it's mind on the type of partner that's okay, the rules constantly change. How fair is that?

"let's get together"
"let's get together" | Source

True Love Exists But

There's a manipulation by our society happening here that I am finding more and more difficult to accept.

Too many lives are being ruined, lost and destroyed to support a notion brought on by fairy tales. Too many children are being left out, both emotionally and physically after being brought into this world then forgotten in a mess created by grownups. Parents become self involved while trying to achieve a dream that exists mostly in books, movies and music.

Being in Love is a Hard Job

I believe true love exists but can only be found when it is stumbled upon. In moments when we are at a place where we truly know and love ourselves, happy with who we are and our circumstances is when love appears.

Holding onto, nourishing and encouraging love to grow takes hard work. Communication and compromise are key. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, honest and trusted opens the door to growing a relationship to a level that is solid.

Your Say

Do you feel society pressures us to find "true" love?

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One Love

Loving one person in such a big world seems so small.

We should be working together as a society to achieve a love for community and togetherness as a collective human society.

It's time to focus on a love greater than true love, it's time to focus on one world love. One Love.

One Love - Playing for Change

© 2012 eye say

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    • eye say profile image

      eye say 6 years ago from Canada

      cybersister what great insight you have shared and I thank you sincerely for that, I'm very glad you have found your true love even though the journey was long...

    • your cybersister profile image

      your cybersister 6 years ago from Just relocated from Florida to the mountains of North Carolina

      Wow! Quite an interesting hub. I've never really given much thought as to the "why" of the search for love that most of us embark upon, I just hopped on the trail at an early age. I think my journey started due to horomones more than any thing else. I was raised to believe that you needed to be in love to enjoy guilt-free sex.(Yes, my age is definitely showing here.) Anyway, I got married way too young, at 17, to the wrong man (big surprise) because I was in lust. At 17 I didn't know myself well enough to know what to look for in a life partner. T will admit that I somehow just expected that I would have one.

      I wish I could say that was my only mistake in love, but of course, it wasn't. I learned a lot over the years, about both myself and about love. I learned that a partner isn't what brings me happiness, that I am much better off alone than with the wrong person, and that I need to love myself in order to be loveable, and that I am "whole" with just myself. I think most of us eventually find these things to be true.

      Ironicallly, it was after I learned all of this (which took years and yet a second failed marriage) before I actually met Mr. Right for Me. I was 42 years old and extremely cautious. I surprised myself when I discovered it was easier to share my body than my feelings this time around - so "wrong" according to my upbringing. I am finally in the right kind of relationship with the right kind of man who only adds to my life and my happiness. He is supportive, encouraging, and believes in me and my abilities. We've been together for 13 years now and I am more in love with him with each passing day.

      I don't think true love very often happens the way it is presented in fairy tales or romance novels, but I personally (finally) know that it does exist.

    • eye say profile image

      eye say 6 years ago from Canada

      fabulous insights madison, sue and tamara, I'm glad and surprised that i am not alone in my thoughts on this one. You all have valid points and I am in agreement with each one of you.

      thanks for your contributions to my thought process, they are much appreciated and all very valid.

    • tamarawilhite profile image

      Tamara Wilhite 6 years ago from Fort Worth, Texas

      I don't think society puts too much pressure on finding love. I do, however, think we have idealized love. If the person isn't perfectly matched with an artificial ideal (handsome, witty, knows all the right things to say, chivalrous but not masculine, college degree and high paying job), women reject the guy. Perfectly decent 7s and 8s are rejected in search of a mythical 10.

      Women then hit their 30s, disillusioned and alone. Great guys rejected because their jobs were not prestigious enough or he was nice but not funny enough now look like great catches. By looking for "Mr. Right", they gave up several "Mr. Good Enough and Good for Them" men.

      Other women mistakenly think that real love is the teenage hormonal rush and when the rush is over, it isn't real love. They mistake mature development as "falling out of love" and leave the relationship.

    • suejanet profile image

      suejanet 6 years ago

      Somethimes the pressure to fall in love and get married causes the wrong choice in partners.

    • Madison Mitchell profile image

      Madison Mitchell 6 years ago from Auburn, AL

      This article really speaks to me. It is so well written that I know I will be pondering this for a long time. I'd have to say society does play a huge role in how we as humans fall in love. If it weren't for the fairy tales, young girls probably wouldn't feel so pressured to fall in love. It's like the world tells you that you have to live your entire life looking for love, making it certain that you will have your heart broken many times because you're always settling for the person you are not meant to be with. Unfortunately, society is what it is- the young will continue to search for all the wrong people because they think they have to, and people will continue to think romantic love is the only one worth searching for. Even with this being the case, maybe someone will come along and read this article and be touched by it just like I am. Kudos to you.