Handling Crushes and Projecting a More Attractive Version of Yourself
Does My Crush Like Me?
As you cut into your chicken parmesan and drink your pristine white wine, there’s that age-old question — does Bartemus Herald the III like me? Okay, maybe you’re thinking about someone with a more normal name…
People will search high and low for answers to their love problems. Some might venture so far as to go on an expedition to a remote desert to meet a shaman to drink a mushroom tea and discern whether Mr. Handsome or Princess Lovely has feelings for them.
Figuring out whether someone likes you or not isn’t rocket science. Certain body language cues are tell-alls: sweaty palms, flushed skin, constantly grooming hair, and longing glances. You could meet up with a friend — who will act as your psychic — and go through every possible moment you’ve had with your crush. (What did it mean when they held my hand? Why did they call me Sugar? Why did they compliment my red dress multiple times?)
If you’re a lovely person to be around then more than likely your crush — or someone worthy of your time — will like you. I recommend not getting too in your head and making yourself anxious because then you’ll project that anxiousness. Instead, try to project your attractive and interesting sides.
Focusing on how to better project yourself will help you to create a better connection with your crush. You want a real connection; you don’t want to sit in a corner and admire someone like a fanboy.
What's the longest you've ever had a crush on someone?
Projecting a More Attractive Version of Yourself
Your crush will most likely have a crush on you if you are an enjoyable person to be around. We tend to want to be around people who motivate us, make us laugh, and say interesting things.
Stop for a moment: what kind of people do you like to be around? What draws you to them? What are things they do that you could mimic?
Unfortunately, no matter how banging of a body you have — if you’re not interesting, people will eventually get bored of you. Unless you just want to be admired for your looks, you need to also convey personality.
If you want your crush to like you, focus on ways to make yourself more inviting, enjoyable, and just all-around a better companion.
Here are some suggestions:
- Are you comfortable laughing at yourself? You need to know how to roll through the awkward moments without batting an eye. Don’t take everything so seriously.
- Try to be more outgoing. Even if you are shy, around the right people you should be able to come out of your shell. Follow your interests and see if you can find people who like the same stuff as you.
- Get your crap together and be independent. You’ll be a lot more attractive if you can live on your own without family or roommates supporting you. Also, having your own space makes dating way more comfortable. It’s easier to have private moments when you don’t have to worry about other tenants coming home and making noise throughout the house.
- Be up to date on what’s cool. Read the news, go find out what’s cool in your city, and get involved in a social hangout group. Someone who knows what is fun will be better at dating than someone who doesn’t.
- Don’t be overly picky, critical, or Captain Complains-a-lot. People don’t like to be around others that they think are judgmental. Your crush will like you if they think you’re encouraging and will support them, not make them feel bad over little, pointless things.
- Make little adjustments to make yourself more attractive. Lift some weights, get a haircut, try a new fragrance, and get more sleep so you don’t have a ghost-like complexion.
- Learn new skills. People like people who know stuff. Try learning a new language, take up guitar, get into pottery, or become a history buff.
- Be inviting. It’s difficult to know if your crush likes you if you never spend time with them! Try inviting them to different activities with your friends… or hang out with them one on one. Who knows what will happen?
- Come off as nice, helpful, independent, and empathetic. Those are the real qualities that people like.
- Don’t keep liking them when serious red flags come up. Don’t be afraid to burn your bridges!
- Ask questions. Show that you’re interested in them and what they do. Make them feel like you find them interesting and you care about their day-to-day.
- Buy new clothes. Maybe it’s been a while since you’ve gotten new clothes, and maybe what you have doesn’t fit.
You Can’t Force Someone to Like You
You can’t force anyone to like you, sorry. We are not robots. Everyone has their own way of viewing the world. Don’t get too upset if someone isn’t interested in you. Move along and keep your chin up.
People tend to like someone from initial attraction or as they get to know them and find out that the person has a stunning personality. Keep your infatuation in check and don’t latch onto someone too soon. You’re in over your head if you’re in love with someone before really getting to know them. An overblown crush on someone will cause pain, frustration, anger — and possibly hatred toward your once sacred crush because things are not going anywhere.
Don’t be afraid to just ask them point-blank if they like you or would like to spend more time getting to know you. That might not be the tactic you want to take, but sometimes ripping off those feelings like a bandaid is the best strategy.
Don’t be a jerk if you get turned down. Be polite. You can win them over with your kindness, not your craziness. Stay positive, there’s someone out there that thinks you have it all plus the stars of heaven.
Does my Crush Like Me? Here’s Some Advice to Navigate That
When you like someone, and it’s been sitting on your mind and heart for a while, it can get uncomfortable. You might have mood swings about it. You might overanalyze things, and you might even hinder your friendship with the person… if you’re friends.
When two people like each other, things tend to fall into place. You won’t feel like you’re forcing things. There will be a nice and easy flow. If you’re trying to force a relationship, it’s probably not meant to be.
If you give it time, eventually all feelings that need to come out will. Keep the positive attitude up! And don’t be shy to say what you’re really thinking or feeling — your crush can’t read your mind. Your crush may have picked up that you like them but that doesn’t mean they know everything.
Don’t get too upset if things don’t pan out the way you want. Crushes often start with the eyes, and if all goes well, it progresses to enjoyable conversations and interactions.
When someone likes you, they’ll want to be around you — unless they’re trying to hide their feelings (expect ambivalence at that point). A crush will try to brighten your day, they may say weird things like “I haven’t seen you in forever, I’ve missed you.”
When people are over the moon about someone, they start saying really weird things that just plop out of their mouths. They get tongue-tied and often embarrassed.
If a crush reciprocates a lot of your interactions, that’s a good sign. People tend to mirror each other when they are both interested.
Sometimes you get to know someone really fast, but then it plateaus. Don’t be too surprised if you like your crush and then all of a sudden the energy that was once there completely dries up.
What can you do in that situation? You can wait it out and see if things improve, or you can move on. Sometimes really great friendships end up fading out entirely, while people you never suspected would be your friend get close to you.
If you want that fun, flirty connection to continue with someone, you have to keep sending positive vibes. Smile, laugh, reach out and touch their arm, joke a little, and be engaging.
Crushes are supposed to be fun. You get to daydream about someone, enjoy another person’s company, and hope for a brighter future. If your crush turns sour, leave it behind.
Don’t get too addicted to crushing on someone. This can make it harder for you to actually transition into dating if you get too hung up on someone where it isn’t going anywhere and you have really overblown expectations. Don’t hold too firmly to your daydream crush expectations. Be easygoing.
© 2015 Andrea Lawrence