- Gender and Relationships
Does Your Crush Like You?
Ah, as you cut into your chicken parmesan and drink your pristine white wine, there's that age old question -- does Bartemus Herald the III like me? People will search all of the planet for a shaman to tell them the answer to that age old question. Knowing whether someone likes you or not takes some hard science and some soft pseudo science. Of course, you can spend hours reading about the concrete moves people to do when they like someone that science reports as accurate -- sweaty palms, flushed skin, certain body language cues... or you can go to a friend who will act as your psychic and go through every possible scene you've had with this person.
Let's scrap all of that for the sake of this hub. Instead let's coach each other and how to be our best selves, because when we are our best selves -- or just a really, motivated, awesome beast -- we tend to attract everybody. When you are awesome and like yourself, more people invariably like you. And on the side of that -- more people are then romantically and sexually attracted to you. So how do you get more awesome?
What's the longest you've ever had a crush on someone?
Spruce Yourself Up Something Beautiful
Your crush will most likely have a crush on you if you are an enjoyable person to be around. We tend to want to be around people who motivate us, make us laugh, and say interesting things. Unfortunately, no matter how banging of a body you have -- if you're not interesting people will eventually good bored of you, unless they're a really nice person who is a romance addict that can't take off the rosy glasses to see they're dating a bum.
You'll be a more enjoyable person if you:
*Are comfortable laughing at yourself, can roll through the awkward moments without batting an eye, know how to be playful rather than too serious. Get outgoing, son! Even if you are shy, around the right people you can make huge bounds in getting more out of your shell.
*Work to get your crap together. Make it easy on yourself and get in the motion of having your bills paid, your debt paid, your house clean, your clothes clean, and a few hobbies, a job, and a place you can call home with family or even (ideally) roommates! When you reach this kind of independence, you will be a bright and burning flame to attract many. WARNING: just because you don't have all your crap together, doesn't mean no one will date you. Most people don't like to consider these more clinical parts of life at the forefront of dating.
*Be up to date on what's cool. Read the news, go find out what's cool in your city, and get involved in a social hang out group. An informed person will be better at navigating through the dating waters than someone who doesn't know how to spend their time having fun.
*Don't be overly picky, critical, or the center of complain city. People don't like to be around others that they think are judgmental and supportive. Your crush will like you if they think you're encouraging and will support them, not make them feel bad over little, pointless things.
*Get yourself a makeover. Studies show that when people put more into their appearance, and really take care of it, more people suddenly become interested in them.
*Don't go bonkers and do something totally insane in front of your crush. Keep it cool, applesauce. And before you know -- yes, your crush definitely likes you.
*Be inviting. It's difficult to know if your crush likes you if you never spend time with them! Try inviting them to different activities with your friends... or hang out one on one. Who knows what will happen?
*Come off as nice, helpful, independent, and empathetic. Those are the real qualities that people like.
*Don't put the person on the back burner. Don't keep liking them when serious red flags come up. Don't be afraid to burn yo' bridges!
You Can't Force Someone to Like You
You can't force someone to like. We are not your robots. So. don't. try. that.
People tend to like someone else either from initial attraction or as they get to know each other and find that the person has a stunning personality. Keep your hormonal infatuation in check and don't latch onto someone too much before you get yourself into something serious. This will only cause pain, frustration, anger -- possibly hatred toward your once sacred crush.
Don't be afraid to just ask them point blank if they like you or would like to spend more time getting to know you. That might not be the tactic you want to take, but sometimes ripping off those feelings like a bandaid works.
Don't be a jerk if you get turned down. Be polite. You can win them over with your kindness, not your craziness. Now that you've got that out on the table, just enjoy the company and try to kill the fostering feeling machine. Chin up, there's someone out there that thinks you have it all plus the stars of heaven.
Does my Crush Like Me? Here's Some Perspective...
When someone likes you and it's been sitting on their mind and heart for awhile, they can act out in several different positive and negative ways. You may see ambivalent behavior because they're not sure how to get those feelings out. If you give it time, eventually all feelings that need to come out do. Keep the positive attitude up! And don't be shy to say what you're thinking or feeling -- your crush probably can't read you 100% either.
Keep spending time around them, keep up the positive energy, and again, don't be upset if things don't pan out the way you had hoped. Crushes often start with the eyes and if all goes well it will progress to some jokes and playfulness. When someone likes you, they'll want to be around you -- unless they're trying to hide their feelings (expect ambivalence there). A crush will try to brighten your day, they may say weird things like "I haven't seen you in forever, I really missed you, I'm so glad you're here so I can look at you..." I don't know. People start saying really weird things that just plop out of their mouths when they like someone. They get tongue tied and say things they might regret.
If a crush reciprocates a lot of your interactions, that's a good sign. Crushes, friendships, and the like all have their tiers. Sometimes you get to know someone really fast, but then it plateaus. Don't be too surprised if you like your crush and then all of a sudden the energy that was once there completely dries up.
What can you do in that situation? You can wait it out, or you can move on. Sometimes really great friendships end up fading out entirely, while people you never suspected would be close to you, end up being close to you.
If you hope that fun, sexual attraction will continue, keep sending positive vibes. Smile, flash those eyes, and don't hesitate to be the free spirit you know you are.
Crushes are in theory supposed to be fun. You get to daydream about someone, enjoy another person's company, and hope for a brighter future. Don't get too addicted to crushing. This can make it harder for you to actually transition into dating if you get too hung up on someone where it isn't going to happen or it causes you to have really overblown expectations. Don't hold too firmly to expectations. Be easy going. Do, however, hold on to your standards. Expect little; have solid standards.