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Does being friends with an ex really work?

Updated on July 20, 2015

Some people claim that they could be friends with their exes after they break up. Other people claim they could not. Here is an interview off the record with someone who managed to become friends after a break up and explains how it can be done.

Jen Panaro: Are you friends with any of your exes? Off The Record: I think almost all of them

JP: What was the reason you broke up? OTR: Each was for a different reason... I think I was the one who ended the relationship in the end...Some I just lost that loving feeling...Some I just knew it would not be forever...Some I did not trust...

JP: How long after the break up did you agree to be friends? OTR: It was never an agreement. It just ended amicably with both of us respecting the break up. We were able to still care for one another on a different level.

JP: Do you believe after two people break up they could go back to being friends? OTR: As long as both are on the same page. Feelings have to simmer down and when each meets the next person in their life, all is healed and a friendship can happen as long as the present person is not threatened by the friendship.

JP: Was it easy? OTR: Yes... to be friends...But the days leading up to the break up it was tough and sometimes hurtful to know that this was going to end.

There is a saying that time heals all wounds. After some time old lovers can go back to being friends.

Are you friends with any of your exes?

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    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 2 years ago from Northeast United States

      Interesting hub :) A topic with many different perpectives and strong opinions. I personally feel that as long as you don' t hold any hate against anyone it is perfectly okay not to be friends....just wish them well and move on, but I also understand still caring for someone deeply especially if you had a long if you have kids together that changes everything. Then you should try to be friends for a healthy relationship for the family. Thank you for this hub.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Voted up and interesting!

      What was most interesting were the following two statements.

      "I think (I was the one who ended the relationship) in the end."

      My guess is it's a lot easier to extend the friendship olive branch when you are the one dumping someone. However the person that's let go may have a difficult time or may accept friendship with the hope of reconciliation.

      "Feelings have to simmer down and when each meets the next person in their life, all is healed and a friendship can happen as long as the present person is not threatened by the friendship."

      I completely agree that it's unrealistic to expect to go from "red hot lover" to "platonic" sibling like brother/sister relationship overnight!

      Generally speaking a large gap of time is required for both people to fall "in love" with other people or be in a happier place.

      As the person you interviewed noted the one caveat is how each other's mate feels about the friendship. One of the reasons why many (friends with exes) rarely works is because their new love doesn't approve of the friendship.

      Given the choice between being with someone you're "in love" with or maintaining a friendship with an ex who is a platonic friend most people will choose love over friendship.