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Domestic Violence: Abusive Relationships and the Warning Signs

Updated on February 2, 2015

The Major Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

When I was in my late twenties I was in a serious relationship, to me this relationship was like no other relationship I have been in before. To me this relationship was fulfilling emotionally, mentally and physically, I felt wanted and accepted. My family and friends also knew that this relationship was serious, seriously dangerous, they had noticed things about my significant other that I was completely oblivious too. I saw him as being extremely charming but to my family, mostly my dad, was lying. What I took as him wanting to spend all his time with me and no one else I found to be endearing and romantic, everyone else noticed him isolating me and preventing me from contacting the people that meant most to me. Before I knew it I was sucked into a controlling, dependent and toxic relationship, not only was this individual toxic but he was also extremely dangerous which almost cost me my life. From my experience, I want to raise awareness to other women no matter what age, race, gender or creed that domestic violence or abuse is serious and has long term effect. To this day I am still effected emotionally and mentally, regardless that I am for once in a healthy relationship with a man who loves me unconditionally I remain guarded and having a hard time trusting him. My past relationship has and may possibly forever have me scarred.

I want to share the possible warning signs of domestic violence because this is a serious issue and one that has it's challenges to overcome. The main challenge is not knowing you are in an abusive relationship until it is too late, in my case was almost my life when I attempted to end things.

The Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Intensity

When an individual is excessively charming, lying to cover up insecurity, feeling the need to win over your friends and family immediately. Over the top gestures, bombarding you with numerous phone calls or texts in an extremely short period of time. Obsessive behavior and being insistent that you become serious immediately.


Jealously

Irrational responses when you are interacting with others, becoming angry when talking to the opposite sex, resenting you for wanting to spend time with your family and friends, accusing you of flirting or cheating. This last one is important, when they become demanding to know every single private detail of your life.


Control


Telling or demanding you wear certain clothes, or how to style your hair, when to speak and how to think. Showing up to your house/work/school uninvited. Constantly going behind your back and checking your cell phone, email, Facebook etc. Rummaging through your belongs, following you everywhere and never letting you out of their sight, being forceful about having sex with them and it having this decision constantly being on their terms and when you refuse they make you feel terrible about yourself.


Isolation


Insisting or being extremely persistent about spending all your time with them and only them, making you mentally, emotionally, financially and physically dependent on them. Preventing you from seeing or spending time with your family and friends or they keep telling or promising you things that will stop you from going to school or work.


Criticism

Name calling for example saying that you are stupid, crazy, lazy or ugly. Constantly being ridiculed for your beliefs, family, friends even your hopes, dreams and ambitions. Trying to convince you that no one else will love or care for you as much as them basically brainwashing you in order for you to feel worthless which in the end makes you being more dependent on them.


Anger


Overreacting to everything, losing their temper easily and frequently and having the tendency to become violent towards you. Frequent and severe mood swings, heavy drinking, excessive partying, threatening, finding any reason to pick a fight or if they have a history of being violent in which it makes you afraid is also a red flag. You should never feel afraid or scared with the person you are in a relationship with, you should feel comfortable, happy and accepted.


There are many more signs that indicate you are in an abusive relationship, I just wanted to express some of the signs that I wish I noticed in my relationship. I hope for other women out there that they try to gain the strength they need to leave an abusive relationship and realize that they deserve better for themselves. If this article helps at least one person than I will feel like I wrote this for a reason. Just remember to respect yourself, stay strong in your decision to leave an abusive relationship and to be treated the way you deserve to be treated. Please don't settle for anything less. It took me a long time to realize that I deserved better, but when I started loving, respecting and being kind to myself I attracted a man who treats me with respect, loves me for me and accepts me for who I am. This is all that I want for you ladies. Stay strong!!



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