- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Domestic Violence- When a loved one is being harmed.
What can you do?
Domestic Violence happens to both genders, but for writing purposes I will say "her".
Sickening isn't it? Your loved one fell down the steps for the third time this month. Your loved one tripped and hit their head on the table, is wearing sunglasses in their own house. You know, their eyes are sensitive today, excuses excuses. Although it may be painful to watch your loved one go through this, the truth is there is not really much you can do. I have seen families beat up the abuser, only for the woman to go back to them. I have seen the abused protect their abuser. Some women feels like this is how a man shows his love. We know that domestic violence is about control, how can we make the abuser lose control over his victim is the question.
I am guessing that in order to save a loved one, you have to figure out why they are putting up with it. We can tell them until we are blue in the face they deserve better, but it won't happen until they are ready. Hopefully that will be before they are permanently disfigured or murdered.
There are different reason for different situations, but I figure instead of verbal attacking the abuser, find out why she refuses to leave.
The Perfectionist- could it be that she tries so hard to have the perfect life, that she is in denial about her abuse for fear of ridicule?
Fear- is it possible she is terrified to the point that she feels no one can protect her?
Financial- Is she fearful of supporting herself?
Brainwashed- Does she feel like he will kill himself if she leaves?
Pride- Would she rather stay in an abusive relationship so her kids will not be considered "bastards"?
Self-esteem- Does she believe no other man would want her?
Status- does she have a fear of ruining his reputation, career, etc? Or that no one would believe her because of his status.
Whatever the situation maybe, she will not leave because you urge her to. If you pry too much, he may convince her that you are the enemy! (Jealousy, attracted to him, trying to break them up) etc. The only thing you can really do is softly suggest you know what is going on, and offer support when they are ready to leave. In the meantime, you could try to work on the reason she is staying if you figured it out. Example, Self esteem issues, work on uplifting her mentally. Financial issues, "Have you ever thought about going back to school"? I am not sure if this will work, but I figure it beats sitting back and doing nothing.