- Gender and Relationships
Do you dream about other partners even though you aren't single?
I admit that I am concerned by the fact I do dream of being with other men, (in spite of being married.) I do love my Husband a great deal, and can't imagine a life without him, but I can't seem to stop the periodic dreams of being with, or kissing other men. This might only happen once a month, but the dreams are vivid, and more often than not the male involved is a well known TV/film actor or personality.
To illustrate this point, in recent months I have had these kinds of dreams which included "Simon Cowell" as the other man, "David Tennant", (of Dr Who fame), "Ian Ogilvy" (from the 1970s series Return of the Saint), and various others whose names and faces escape me right now.
The worst part of this is waking up and actually feeling quite disappointed that it is "only a dream", whilst feeling incredibly guilty for feeling this way when my Husband works so hard to support me, loves me and is genuinely patient with my various emotional and (minor) physical problems. Does this make me a bad person? Does it mean there is something not right in my relationship? Is this normal? The answer is I just don't know, but I know these dreams leave me feeling low and angry at myself, plus having a terrible fear that I cannot ever discuss this with my Husband for fear of hurting him, or feeding any insecurities he may have.
Why is it exciting to dream of the passion you feel when another attractive man kisses you for the first time and all those goosebumps and emotions flood to the surface? Does it mean you are unfulfilled in some way by your relationship? Do you simply miss your exciting single status where you could flirt and be chatted up? Is this need to have the excitement of the 'first kiss' , the 'mating game', the 'anticipation of an encounter with a new partner', a sign that you are approaching some kind of mid-life crisis?
My Husband would make love with me daily if I let him, yet I would not. This doesn't stop me periodically dreaming of passionate encounters with other men though, and I wake up with a feeling of wishing it had been real, even though I know this is not how it should be. I feel that this really isn't my Hubby's fault, but that possibly by constantly pressuring me, he pushes me away and makes me want those encounters less than ever, (much like forcing chocolate cake down someone who loves chocolate, would eventually result in them not wanting chocolate cake under any circumstances). I have tried to explain this to him, but I don't think he grasps it, especially as whenever he cuddles up to me he inevitably ends up trying to get 'too close' (if you know what I mean!)
I have never been unfaithful to my Husband, not even in the tiniest way, but my dreams make me feel as if I have, and the fact I am disappointed when I wake up realising they aren't real, feels like infidelity in itself. I struggle to understand why I can be a very passionate person in my dreams, yet in my normal day to day marriage I avoid being this person, and prefer a quiet life, just doing relaxing things like watching the television together or popping out for a drink as a couple, followed by a good night's sleep.
To be totally honest I am at a loss to understand this. Am I normal? I live with the guilt of wishing I could still enjoy the adrenalin rush of the build up to intimacy with a new partner, one who makes you feel truly desired, and can make your skin tingle by simply by brushing their lips over your neck.