ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

EXPOSED: Some of The Things That Sexy Raquel Welch CANNOT Do

Updated on March 3, 2015
Taking in the sun
Taking in the sun
Such a gorgeous lady
Such a gorgeous lady

Are you ready for a treat?

This piece is about Hollywood icon, Raquel Welch. It's only about Raquel Welch. So if you were searching HubPages for a hub about the longevity of Ford tractors, the sex life of American turtles, secret ways to become a Nina or how to get free plastic surgery, you are in the wrong place.

Raquel Welch is beyond gorgeous. She can wear anything from a mini-skirt, even in 2015, to a bikini on a subway and get away with it. Not that she is hateful, overbearing, or a female bully. It's just that she is that confident, so say nothing about being naturally charming.

Even In bell bottoms, Raquel is beautiful
Even In bell bottoms, Raquel is beautiful

Raquel Welch is almost invincible

Name the film or stage production at random, on a dare or bet, and Raquel can do it. That's not boasting. Well, yes, it is. She has talent oozing from her pores. I would use an old line like: "Man, would I like to apply suntan oil over her pores," but that would be cheap and a total lack of respect.

I would only apply suntan oil over her pores "if" she asked me. Then I would do it slowly and not pound her like a beef steak in a cheap restaurant. Welch is worthy of respect by men and women.

Welch is a pure work of art
Welch is a pure work of art

A few more images of Raquel Welch for your enjoyment

As beautiful as ever
As beautiful as ever
Gorgeous hair
Gorgeous hair
Ready to make her fans happy
Ready to make her fans happy
So deep and unpredictable
So deep and unpredictable

Welch is a picturesque woman

Then even with my careful, pains-taking technique to apply suntain oil to her perfect back, I might blow it for my hands sweating and shaking so much (from nerves) that she would ask me to leave and what would hurt deeply would be her not even looking at me eye-to-eye. It has been said of Raquel that she can be cold-hearted. But not just because she can get away with it, but because she was provoked.

(Sigh). Raquel Welch in my opinion, is a tad prettier than Duchess Kate Middleton. And friends, that says a lot about this Hollywood fixture who says what she means and never minces her words. Raquel Welch is so powerful, I do not think that I would last through a classy dinner at her favorite restaurant. If I were sitting there and suddenly fall into a stare adoring her eyes, hair, mouth and perfect skin, I would surely faint. And be the "laughingstock" of Welch and the entire restaurant.

That's as far as I want to go with giving Raquel Welch so many accolades. I just hope (another one) of my Hollywood favorites, Jill St. John, is not reading this. Otherwise, as jealous as she is, this might be my last hub. I kid you not.

For as many things as Raquel Welch has mastered in her lifetime--on and off film, I can tell you truthfully that I found this hidden-document entitled:

EXPOSED: Some of The Things That Sexy Raquel Welch CANNOT Do

• Pick cotton by hand or even by a cotton picker machine.
• Swim the English Channel.
• Give a lecture at Harvard School of Law.
• Be the foreman over some “rough necks” on an oil rig in Houston, Texas.
• Do a good impression of “Capt. Kangaroo.”
• Whip Jeff Gordon, four-time points champ in Sprint Cup racing. (and by “whip,” I mean by hand).
• Win the Boston Marathon.
• Date Robert Plant of Led Zeppelin.
• Allow Robert Plant to date her.
• Appear in commercials for Crest toothpaste.
• Appear in a documentary about the locks and dams along the Mississippi River.
• Sing a sizzling duet with Country Music singer, Alan Jackson.
• Win the cross-country dogsledding competition.
• Train to be a star in The New York Ballet.
• Be the pitching coach for the New York Mets.
• Do stunning-impressions of the late Steve McQueen and others.
• Take on a western drawl when she’s had one too many martini’s.
• Go on tour with the Barnum-Bailey Circus as a juggler.
• Work as a fry cook without anyone recognizing her.
• Doing a re-make of the old sitcom, “Hogan’s Heroes,” where she would play “Col. Klink’s” sexy blond secretary. (why she couldn’t play this role is because is mosly a non-speaking role).
• Take on the role of Wonder Woman for she cannot master the golden lariat.
• Drive a taxicab in New York City. It might be too tame for her.
• Go on a docu-safari to the Amazon Jungle in search of Bigfoot.
• Make a living selling used cars.
• Go with local guys in Baton Rouge coon-hunting all night long.
• Go undercover for a division of the New York Police Department.
• Quote the entire script of “Grease” from front to back.

And now, Hollywood legend, Raquel Welch, I am issuing you a personal challenge. If you, on any day you choose as well as the site, can do just one of the above items, I will in-person or via mail, give you a brand-new, crisp one-hundred dollar bill. No strings attached.

Plus, I will write a hub admitting that I was wrong in writing this one. What have you got to lose?

A serious look
A serious look
A comical look
A comical look

Raquel Welch

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Raquel Welch (born Jo Raquel Tejada; September 5, 1940) is an American actress.

  • She first won attention for her role in Fantastic Voyage (1966), after which she won a contract with 20th Century-Fox. They loaned her to a British studio where she made One Million Years B.C. (1966). Although she had only three lines in the film, images of her in the the doe-skin bikini she wore in the film became a best-selling poster that turned her into an iconic sex symbol and catapulted her to stardom. She later starred in notable films like Bedazzled (1967), Bandolero! (1968), 100 Rifles (1969), and Myra Breckinridge (1970). She made several television variety specials. Welch is, as of 2013, a spokesperson for Foster Grant.
  • Raquel Welch's unique persona on film made her into one the reigning icons of the 1960s and 70s. She carved out a place in movie history portraying strong female characters and breaking the mold of the submissive sex symbol. In 1995, Welch was chosen by Empire Magazine as one of the 100 Sexiest Stars in Film History. Playboy Magazine named Welch no. 3 on their 100 Sexiest Stars of the Twentieth Century list. In 2011, Men's Health Magazine ranked her no. 2 in its Hottest Women of All Time list

Look at how great Raquel can act


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama



      I wish I knew what you were talking about, but your text sure was intelligent and deep.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I have to show thanks to you for rensuicg me from this dilemma. After looking out throughout the internet and seeing suggestions which were not beneficial, I assumed my life was done. Being alive devoid of the strategies to the problems you have solved as a result of your entire site is a critical case, as well as the kind that could have negatively affected my entire career if I had not noticed the blog. That capability and kindness in playing with almost everything was invaluable. I don't know what I would've done if I had not discovered such a step like this. I am able to at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time so much for the specialized and effective help. I won't hesitate to propose the sites to any person who would like tips about this area.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Dear friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

      Have a blessed day.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 

      3 years ago from Hawaii

      Awesome hub, Kenneth!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a sweet comment.

      I am curious. Well, you have made me curious. I wonder what she does or what she uses to stay this pretty.

      Come back anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Marie,

      Thanks for making my night by commenting that you read this piece, and it is cool to disagree.

      I wish movie makers would get her for an upgraded version of Super-Girl/Woman.

      And if she wants to challenge . . .bring it.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Very funny, Ken. Raquel certainly has defied the ravages of time. She still looks beautiful!

    • Marie Flint profile image

      Marie Flint 

      3 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida USA

      I decided to read this one, Kenneth, not because I'm a fan of Raquel, but because I'm interested in youthful-looking longevity, and Raquel seems to have a few tricks up her sleeve.

      I don't agree with all your points about what the lady can't do, but I bet your dreaming of the day she'll contact you to take up your challenge!

      Voted Funny.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Thank you, Jodah. Your words mean a lot. I am serious about that. Take care and come by anytime.


    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Great hub Kenneth. I have always been a huge Raquel Welch fan...beautiful and strong woman that she is. Voted up.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)