- Gender and Relationships
Eight Ingredients for a Successful Relationship
So much has been said and written about relationships, however, much of it is rather confusing and contradictory! In reality, having a successful relationship isn’t that complex. It’s within your reach!
Following are eight main ingredients of a good relationship – one that will last!
1.) Love and Affection
The number one attribute of a relationship that not only works, but thrives, is Love. If you do not love your partner, it will not work. –And when I say ‘work’, what I mean is be a successful, productive, and happy connection between you both. In the same way, if you do love each other, no matter what you are faced with, you will make it work, come Hell, high water, or any other relationship disasters. Love is a powerful emotion. It will move you to action, into something new.
Love is not to be confused with infatuation. You can fall in and out of love with someone, if your connection was based only on lust, physical attraction, or shared interests. When you really love someone, you will know it, they will know it, and so will everyone else!
Closely related to love is Affection, which the dictionary describes as “a physical expression of love.” Vocal expression of your love for your partner is also important, but sometimes touching, kissing, and hugging can convey that love in an even better way.
Tips on Love and Affection:
2.) Honesty and Trust
Honesty is the cord that will bind your hearts and lives together. A trustworthy and dependable partner is the glue that keeps a relationship from falling apart. A breach of trust is one of the most difficult things to repair.
It’s like that simple allegory I read as a child:
During early childhood I had a fiery temper which often caused me to say or do unkind things.
One day, after an argument had sent one of my playmates home in tears, my father told me that for each thoughtless, mean thing I did he would drive a nail into our gatepost. Each time I did a kindness or a good deed, one nail would be withdrawn.
Months passed. Each time I entered our gate, I was reminded of the reasons for those ever-increasing nails, until finally, getting them out became a challenge.
At last the wished-for day arrived--only one more nail! As my father withdrew it I danced around proudly exclaiming, "See, Daddy, the nails are all gone."
Father gazed intently at the post as he thoughtfully replied, "Yes, the nails are gone--but the scars remain."
Try as you might, once you’ve broken that sacred pact of truth, it may take you years to build trust again.
On a more positive note, a relationship that is built on and nourished by trust will be a happy and relaxed one! Gone will be the anxiety and worry when he’s late in coming home, and that green demon of jealousy that rises up whenever she laughs and chats with another man will be nowhere to be found.
Speak the truth in love!
3.) Respect and Consideration
The opposite of respect is familiarity. Once you find yourself becoming familiar with your other half, it’s time to then stop and go back to the beginning. Pretend that you have only just begun your “courtship”, and treat your sweetheart like a new and delicate prospect. Treat him or her with respect. See what happens!
Be considerate of each other’s feelings as well. Respect their likes, dislikes, time, and energy. Look for ways to bring out the best in each other, and dwell on the good qualities that you love about them. This will help to relieve stress, prevent friction, and keep many problems from ever happening at all!
Tips on Communication:
4.) Good Communication
I touched on this subject more in depth, and from the male perspective, in my hub “Five Tips for Good Communication With Her.”
The fact is that in order to understand and meet each other’s needs, as well as to unite to overcome problems, good communication is a must. It goes without saying that if you can’t communicate well with each other, you should ask yourself if this is really someone you should be with.
Discuss and agree together on the important things, and make it clear to each other what you expect from your relationship from the get go. If you come up against challenges, work together in teamwork to tackle them. Talk about them right away, instead of blowing them off and pretending that they didn’t happen. If you don’t deal with the problems right away, even though you may think you have forgotten them, your subconscious mind will not, and will re-present them to you at a later date until they are resolved.
Learning to put the desires and wishes of your partner before your own is unselfishness. Being supportive of what they want to do, be, say, or see is unselfishness. Finding a balance between your own plans and programs and your partner’s is unselfishness. Actively seeking for ways to make your sweetheart happy and satisfied is unselfishness.
There are so many ways to be unselfish. If you look, you will find them.
The secret to distinguishing yourself from the hundreds of other possible suitors for your dearest is unselfishness.
Be quick to apologize for the mistakes you make that affect your honey. But be even quicker to forgive, if he or she makes mistakes that affect you. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Holding on to grudges will grow and fester in your life and create a wedge between you both. Once you’ve talked it out, just drop it.
An excellent quote by Robert Muller says,
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
Letting go and moving on is key to any lasting relationship. Forgiveness brings healing for the hurts caused.
Few things will boost someone’s self-esteem more than hearing that their hard work is appreciated and noticed. It only takes a few seconds of your time to say “Thank you.” – But it can make all the difference in the world for that person you have commended.
Watch what happens when next you take the time to admire your partner. He or she will be encouraged to continue with the positive behavior or task, and likely do an even better job the next time.
Like the old saying goes, “Tell her she’s beautiful, and she’ll be beautiful!”
8.) A Sense of Humor
Lighten up a little and enjoy life. Everyone faces tough stuff, challenges, and “big deals” sometimes in their relationships. But it’s up to you what you will do about them. This goes along well with letting things pass more.
My mother used to always tell me, “Choose your battles.” I was a temperamental child that was easily irritated and reactionary. So she would try to get me to channel that passion and strength towards those things that actually mattered to me, instead of letting every little annoyance that came my way ruffle my feathers.
So, now I pass it on to you: Focus on the things that matter in your relationship, and let go of those things that don’t. If your sweetheart messes up, forgive and move on. If you mess up, apologize and move on. Have a good laugh at yourself. It will do you good!
Learning to laugh at yourself and your situation is a little-known remedy for difficult times, but it really works! Try it!