- Gender and Relationships»
- Separation & Divorce
I love being single, I honestly do. But a few years ago this wasn’t always the case. I went through a very painful divorce, and at the time I didn’t think I’d be able to be alone. I think I hung onto the relationship longer than necessary because I was afraid of being alone. But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. The first few weeks were the hardest. I felt empty as if something had been ripped from me. It was really hard. Looking at the empty side where his clothes used to hang, the car space where his car used to be parked. Even shopping was a nightmare. Everywhere I looked I saw couples, couples couples. It hurt like hell.
I truly understand people who are afraid of being single. Sometimes you spend so long with someone you forget how to be you. You were always part of a couple and it’s understandable. You feel as if you’ve lost part of yourself. This isn’t really the case but it sure does feel like it. But I got over it and if you ask me today how I feel about being single, I’d tell you I love it. I’ve been single almost six years now. And right now I’m finding it pretty hard to visualise someone else in my life. I’ve tried the dating scene but I also think my standards have become so high that I can’t just settle for anyone. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind staying single for the rest of my life.
Relationships are great, but they are only great when they add to your life and not take from it. Never settle just because you don’t want to be single. Rather be on your own and happy than miserable in a relationship. Now for the good parts.
How to get over coupledom
When I first broke up, just going to the same places over and over kept opening the same wounds. Until you heal, it really isn’t a good idea to keep going back the places you went to together. We used to shop at a certain grocery store. I stopped going there and started going to a different place to shop.
Luckily I moved house and so that dealt with the memories of the old house. The bedroom I moved into was mine and had never been shared. You don’t have to do something as drastic as move. You could buy a new wardrobe, change the bedroom, paint it the colour you've always wanted it, or just do something different with it. This will also take your mind off your ex.
If you’re a woman you’ll become so independent. I now know how much pressure goes into my car tyres. I know how to check the oil and water. I have my own set of tools. It’s fantastic, embrace the change and you’ll be pleasantly surprised how much you can really do. If you’re a man, you’ll soon do things your ex used to do, perhaps even better, whether that be washing, cooking or whatever she used to do.
As you make changes you will begin to feel less and less connected to your ex. You will begin to create your own life, make your own plans. This is the nice thing about being single. Every decision you make is now yours and yours alone. You don’t have to check with him or her to make plans, you just make them.
Make new friends. This is a great opportunity to make new friends. Open your heart to new people and bring your other friends closer. If you shared friends then it might be a bit tricky. I’ve managed to stay friends with our friends.
Advantages of being single
- You have a whole bed to yourself that you can roll around as much as you want.
- You have the whole closet to yourself so go buy yourself some more clothes and shoes.
- You can make financial decisions alone without ever having to check with your other half whether or not you can do something. I found this the most empowering of them all. I finally got control of the spending and the debt that I talk about in my other hubs. Managing your own money is key. It was great that I could make a decision and no one had a say in the matter.
- You can wake up whenever you feel like, most times.
- You get to live in your home the way you please. If you want to throw your clothes down the stairs instead of hanging them in the wardrobe so be it, there is no one around to moan about it.
- You get to choose the movies you’d like to watch, what channels you want to watch. It’s a fun process that should be embraced not be feared.
The point I’m trying to make here is that it’s now time to be you. It’s time to find out what you want. It’s time to do the things you enjoy and love. If you don’t know what that is then this is a great opportunity to do so. It’s empowering and lovely and for once you won’t be worrying about what your other half is up to.
I love being single and it has brought new friendships to my life. I now know that I’m not lonely just single. I have so many good friends around me that I don’t see what I’m missing at all. If I ever do meet someone, it will be because it was meant to be and not because I didn’t want to be lonely.