ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Emily on her new blog and most recent entry

Updated on November 10, 2013

Emily speaking in a dated video

Emily is speaking in the very early stages of her transition around August 2012 before all the medical and financial struggles arose. Emily has family, wonderful doctors and very caring professionals and friends who care for her because Ed or Emily no matter how you view her is the same sweet,kind and gentle soul who loves her son, Maria and her family and she realizes she has many obstacles and burdens to face and she will try her best because the sad reality is that sometimes people fall victim to their depression and sadness and Emil has been fighting her whole life but no one knew it but her until a nervous breakdown may have saved her life and led to the help she truly needs now.

Many things have changed since airing this video which are truly affecting me and has almost led to my suicide as I attempted to overdose on aspirin and sleeping pills on June 19, 2013 and was admitted to Beth Israel Psychiatric upon confessing this to my psychiatrist. I have really been suffering in the aftermath of job loss, confronting my transgender related issues, admissions for psychiatric and suicidal thinking on earlier occasions, facing imminent foreclosure, if I am ever able to work I will face discrimination, I am not working due to disability resulting from my severe depression and suicidal reflection and my attempts to help my autistic son who is losing his way and his future seems very gloomy at this point as does mine.

I am just trying to survive at this point due to my financial hardship, advocating to have my son qualified for a residential school with full approval from his home school district and the reality I face everyday knowing I am truly a "woman" trapped and I am extremely emotional and still sad about my dad's unfortunate suicide four years ago as he had enough, took a walk and wound up at the local train station near my sister's house where he proceeded to jump in the path of a speeding train. I also witnessed my mother's slow battle with depression which took her away from us 23 years ago when we were planning a surprise birthday for her 50th which sadly never came as she died at the age of 49 and we were completely devastated.

How much more can one deal with before they succumb to depression and lose their will to go on? I am trying real hard to cope under all of these stresses in my life.

My son is also at risk and I need to fight to hold on but it is very scary and if we are faced with homelessness then what choice do I really have but to save my family with my life insurance as that is all I have but I must get caught up with premium payment otherwise I will have really messed up as I would no longer be here and my wife and family would be forced to the fate of being homeless because my insurance would lapse so I must make it my mission to live until that premium is paid and the mortgage is brought current with my SSD and LTD. I can't worry about the mounting hospital bills and credit card balances or the car loan at this point otherwise I will wind up doing myself in right now and I can't until I know my family will be protected.

The way I look at it is we all are going to die anyway and if you're in pain then now is the time to avoid dealing with all this hardship.

I am so sad we live in such a painful place with the worst leadership ever that seems to only make life more painful and miserable. Who wants to live is such a messed up place? Not me, anymore! I had enough.

Edward D. Iannielli III

aka Emily Iannielli

Emily speaks of Matty's Autism

The life we live and people we share it with

Emily
Emily
The Family on trip to Niagara Falls, Ontario
The Family on trip to Niagara Falls, Ontario
Matty and me
Matty and me
Matty in the snow!!!!!
Matty in the snow!!!!!

A view of my transgender life

Hi, I am Emily as you have come to know and I am male to female transgender identifying as a girl since the age of 4. When I discovered girls were so cute and wore such pretty dresses, wore earrings and were intelligent and also so sweet I was always praying and hoping to shine and live and blossom into a special "girl" because I had to face the sad reality that I was a sad little boy with a girl's mindset. I figured this out as a young child but had no one to reach out to and I felt I had to hide this from my family and all who knew me. I felt shame and oppressed by the generation and society I grew up where being free to express my "girlish" ways was never going to happen which led to my cross dressing in secret and my persona I had to show others but was not reflective of the real me which was all "girl". I managed because of my love of math and science and my dream of becoming a mechanical engineer. I also adapted because I was adept in sports. I was respected in little league baseball where I played for 3-4 years and won trophies. I also was asked by a teacher who now is "coach" to me even today as we have a bond and he knows of my situation and is very concerned for me like he was back in 1977 when he asked me to run for him in the cafeteria which was a pivotal moment for me and changed my life. In fact he saved my life without even knowing it as I was in severe depression after not making the baseball team and due to my internal struggle with gender dysphoria.

He was not only my coach but he was my mentor and he taught me not only about cross country running which I came to love due to his strict training regiment and his belief in me which truly saved my life and helped me take that with me when I went away to college to study Mechanical Engineering at Virginia Tech. He also is in contact with me today and is very aware of my struggle and he is there for me and my son who is autistic. He is thee very definition of coach and is highly regarded in my eyes and I also praise him as a mensch which is someone who is esteemed and held in high regard for his ability to connect and help others like myself and dedicates himself to building character and skill and appreciating themselves through their pursuit of trying to be their best even if they crossed the finish line dead last. If they gave it their best effort then that is all they can do. I never finished dead last in any of my races but that is what I learned from coach. Just give it your best shot and train and be on time for workouts and treat it with respect and really put your self into it. Once you do that anything is possible.

Dedicated to Coach Alan Berkowsky, former math teacher and coach of cross country, spring track and winter track at John F. Kennedy High school in Bellmore, New York.

A return back to JFK HS with my son Matty

Little Eddie

Little Eddie at around 4 years old when "she" knew her "secret" of being a "girl" trapped on the inside crying all throughout her life but having wonderful parents who sadly never got to know her as "Emily"
Little Eddie at around 4 years old when "she" knew her "secret" of being a "girl" trapped on the inside crying all throughout her life but having wonderful parents who sadly never got to know her as "Emily"

Selena Garcia's "Eternal Sunshine"

Emily's most recent video on her new youtube page

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)