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Enlightenment - When Your Spouse Needs to Catch The Hell Up

Updated on December 1, 2008

Honey, Don't Worry Be Happy

One of my girlfriends asked me to write a hub about getting the important people in our lives to see things the way we do; ya know, to be positive. I am no expert in this arena. In fact, I have to work at this daily. Two seconds after my girlfriend’s e-mail arrived, however, I got this one from Abraham, aka Esther and Jerry Hicks:

You’re not ever going to teach them how to vibrate, nor would you want to change them all to a place of vibrating just like you. Your work is not to fix them; they are not broken. Your work is to choose from among all of that which feels best to you, and fixate on it as long as it gives you pleasure and joy. And in doing so, you will align with the Energy of your Source, and you will live a magnificent experience. You just have to not let your joy depend upon what anybody else is living, ‘cause that’ll get you every time.

Excerpted from a workshop in Tarrytown, NY on Saturday, May 8th, 2004

If that isn’t a little white flag telling me to stay up past midnight and write a hub, I don’t know what is. So I write this for you, for my friend, but mostly to remind myself.

Photo by J. McPherson - Fickr
Photo by J. McPherson - Fickr

To Each His Own Path

You can’t make anyone be, feel, or believe anything. We are all on our own paths, with our own agendas. (I’m one of those who believes we write the outline of our lives with the help of our guides and other wise ones before we are born.) I have to remind myself daily, sometimes more, that I only have this one life, my own, to concern myself with. Why would another person bother to incarnate in this life, go through the struggle of being born, endure the teenage years, just so I could come along and take it over. Not likely.

Its hard when you live with someone, or are close to someone, and you have found a better way. You want them to read this book, believe this wise person or follow this teaching. You want them to find the peace or knowledge that you have found. You want them to be more evolved, more loving, more forgiving and more peaceful damn it!

photo by theginjaninja1979 - flickr
photo by theginjaninja1979 - flickr


Even though mind control is not an option, there are a couple things you can do. You can hold them in your mind’s eye experiencing peace and health. Visualize them fully and completely as you would visualize that Porsche for yourself. Hold them in that place of love in your mind, full of wisdom, full of empathy and peace. Picture it with emotion, like you should with all your potent visualizations. Feel the gratitude you would feel if they found this place of love and grace that you picture them in. What a loving thing you can do for someone, and so much more evolved than sending them pointless mind messages, “if only you could get a clue and be more like me.”

Lead By Example

The other thing you can do for this “lagging” loved one is lead by example. Stay on your path of positive thinking. Keep smiling. Keep manifesting wonderful things into your life. Your loved ones are bound to notice the effects of your behavior in your life. If they are close to you, the positive effects will undoubtedly spill over in to theirs as well.

You can also involve them, without beating them over the head with it. I think this is what my girlfriend meant when she said she uses the subtle approach. I for example, like to prescript my vacations before I leave town. I think in my head how I’d like things to unfold. Now, if I just called a spade a spade, I’d say o.k. lets all visualize how Mommy wants the trip to go. Lets “manifest a perfect day. Let’s use the “law of attraction” to get perfect traffic. “Come on family, put your emotions into it!” (They’d probably through me curb side.) Instead, I ask my family members how they would like our trip, if it were the perfect trip, to unfold. Everyone takes turns describing their dream vacation. Job done, and no one had to know they were pre-scripting.

photo by Rebel with a Rebel - flickr
photo by Rebel with a Rebel - flickr

Believing Is Seeing

Try not to judge them. They may be baby souls who chose you to be in their lives to set an example of love and light. In another lifetime the roles may be switched. You would want empathy and understanding bestowed on you. Would you not?

So I guess the bottom line is, you can’t change them. You can, however, look for the best in them, bring out the best in them and choose to see only the best in them. In the end The Law of Attraction states that whatever we think about, we bring about. If we think our loved ones are positive, enlightened beings then that is what we will begin to see in them.

John Gray : Law of Attraction & Relationships

Soulmates & Relationships: Via Deep Trance Channeling


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    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      6 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      Happy to help Jen.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Love this! Just what I needed to read. Thank you!

      Love and light,


    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      6 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      Negativity does seem to have a pretty far reach and sticking powers. I find getting alone with source, meditating or praying in your normal fashion will help strengthen your "happy". Thanks for the comment EuroNinila.

    • EuroNinila profile image

      Fotinoula Gypsyy 

      6 years ago from NYC BABY

      Very nice hub! I always find myself trying to bring out positivity in all people close to me, although I do sometimes catch myself losing my own positivity at times. But I am a strong believer in being positive, happy and as calm as can be, but it does take a lot of work sometimes. You cannot change someone, this is true, but when you spend a lot of time with someone, you tend to rub off on eachother. Negative thoughts rub off on people much easier than positive, but as long as at least one person stays positive, it will help in the long run. Thanks for sharing this enlightening hub:)

    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      9 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      I think I made up that word. That's exactly what you were doing when you visualized what you wanted your performance to be.

      I prescript all the time. Some nights I'll open up my computer and think to myself, I will find new people to distract me, people to make me laugh, people that make me feel good about who I am. People who will help me forget my burdens.

      So thanks for showing up.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 

      9 years ago from St. Louis

      You mention what you call "prescripting". This is kind of related, at least in terms of affecting an outcome. When I used to do stage performances, I would meditate and play the entire play in my mind before a performance. But I also did this during rehearsals, and this often changed the way I portrayed characters for the better, so it really can make a difference.

      Interesting work. I haven't really tried it your way, say, with my wife. I'll have to give it a shot. thanks.

    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      10 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      I believe you have too, a soul sister.

      Love & Light, Patty

    • RainbowRecognizer profile image


      10 years ago from Midwest

      I am so glad you posted on one of my hubs - I've found another sister, I believe :o). Great hub!

    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      10 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      Spryte, I agree we learn from the bad times not the good ones. I guess the trick is to learn your lesson quick so you can get back to the good stuff.

      I love your description of my brand of humor. I should add it to my bio... "just the right amount of self-deprecating humor and dry wit."

    • spryte profile image


      10 years ago from Arizona, USA

      To be honest...I haven't given a lot of consideration to law of attraction, but luckily I'm one of those positive type in, "This is an awful thing that has happened to can I turn it into a positive experience?"

      I know that we'd all like to live our lives with only good things happening to us, but I think we need adversity to grow as souls. Which makes me ponder...

      Am I paying back for some extremely bad karma or did I perhaps set a rather tough agenda for myself before entering this lifetime? :)

      I loved this hub. You have a way of explaining things with just the right amount of self-deprecating humor and dry wit. Nice job. I think I'm a fan and I look forward to reading some of your other hubs.

    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      10 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      KCC, I've had the same experience.  When I'm really in the flow and my spouse is not, he up and has to work out of town.  I should do that list thing.  A good way to focus on the positive.

    • KCC Big Country profile image


      10 years ago from Central Texas

      Nice hub, Patricia!

      For me, I have to stop and write down all the things I love about the person. As I'm doing that I feel so much more empathy, love and understanding. The more you concentrate on their good points the more evidence you'll see them being what you desire to be around. Your paths just won't collide at times they aren't what you desire. Perhaps I'm at work, or at the store and by the time I'm home his vibration has changed. It's really a wonderful dance we dance.

      Thanks for the reminder!

    • Patricia Costanzo profile imageAUTHOR

      Patricia Costanzo 

      10 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

      Jerilee Wei, I'm glad you enjoyed it. So true. Here's another quote from Abraham: You don't have to worry about what their vibration is if your vibration is one of connection. Because if your vibration is one of connection -- you're going to dominate the vibration.

    • Jerilee Wei profile image

      Jerilee Wei 

      10 years ago from United States

      Good hub! It's been my experience that you can't change another person, but by leading by example and chaning what you do -- they can't help but experience change and enlightenment without ever being aware of what you set in motion.


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