- Gender and Relationships
Bedroom Challenges for Younger Men
Young men experience numerous challenges as they venture into the exciting world of relationships. one such challenge is performance in bed. Although not commonly discussed, it is present and probably one of the most painful betrayals any man can endure.
You have been working your mind trying to get her to fall for your charms. She eventually accepts and the game is on. It’s a wonderful evening and you are filled with feelings of triumph. But as you kiss and caress each other, she slips a hand down your waist only to find the soldier in absolute slumber, completely oblivious of the proceedings at hand. That’s right. It’s a complete betrayal as the guy down there fails to welcome the warm soft touch of your woman with a standing ovation.
Sexual problems are more common than are often talked about. In fact most men face an erection problem at some point in their life. These are however more common in older men over the age of 40 years. In this article however we shall focus attention on younger men who should ideally be tigers in bed.
Raymond Kitamirike (not real name), a 26 year old male was perplexed when he failed to perform while making out with Jessica his girlfriend with whom they had been in a long distance relationship for eight months. They had not been together for two months, so he was excited that she was now coming over for the weekend. Preparations went on well; the mere thought of her made him quiver. “What could ever go wrong?” he thought to himself. It was not long and Jessica was home. All seemed to be going well until the time came for Raymond to show off his prowess. He had hardly begun when he exploded, and the little soldier got soft on him. The experienced man in him reassured him that the soldier will be up and running after a short while of rest. He confidently promised Jessica a ride of her lifetime as soon as the soldier was up and ready to go. They lay in bed kissing and snuggling. After 30 minutes of unrelenting effort, there seemed to be no response. Jessica was now getting desperate. An hour later Raymond managed to get an erection, but it was too soft to go through with the job. They both lay there in total disbelief. He had never experienced this with any other girl in his life.
What causes Performance problems in young Men?
Many young men in their mid-20s and 30s experience this problem either as a single incident or on a few occasions; surprisingly very few ever talk about it to anyone. Erectile dysfunction in this sense refers to failure to attain or sustain an erection, or getting one but it is too soft to enable vaginal penetration. Depending on how often the problem shows up, it can put a lot of strain on a relationship. Because men associate a large fraction of their self-esteem with their sexual performance, failure to perform will bring; fear, challenge to sense of self, and a feeling of uncertainty. He will almost immediately assume that he has some unknown debilitating condition. The woman may at times feel like it’s her fault; that she is not doing enough to arouse his man. In the worst case scenario, she may imagine that he is seeing someone else and thus does not find her attractive any more. Although this is very often far from the truth, it will culminate into unnecessary fights.
In older men the problem may often be associated with illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure and other cardiovascular diseases. In younger men however these conditions are uncommon and are therefore unlikely to be the underlying cause of the problem. Some of the possible causes include;
As young men struggle to cope with different demands of life, it is not uncommon to find themselves in situations that require them to worry about one thing or another. Depending on the magnitude and significance of whatever they are worrying about, this can distract and interfere with the way the body responds to certain stimuli. This may not spare their sexuality.
It is said that the more we advance in technology, the lazier we become. This is true because life seems to be less physical. From introduction of elevators to play stations and addictive television series, more youths spend less time in physical activities that would otherwise burn off those excess calories. As they accumulate in the body, they turn into fat that clogs the blood vessels particularly the arteries and thus interfere with blood flow to the penile tissues.
3. Excessive alcohol and smoking as well as abuse of both prescription and recreational drugs can also cause problems with blood flow to body organs including those in the pelvic area. At times the problem may be a side effect of a drug you are taking for another illness
4. Physical injury
Injuries to the spine as well as those around the pelvic region can involve the nerves and blood vessels that supply the penis. At times rough sex can also injure penile tissue and cause problems with sustaining a firm erection.
The need to prove one’s self to his partner may also cause too much anxiety. This can be aggravated by lack of experience. It is also common when a young man gets the feeling that his woman is of out of his league and that he needs to prove his worth so as to deserve her.
6. In adequate sleep
In addition to compromising immunity, failure to have adequate sleep means both body and mind do not get enough time to rest and recuperate from strains caused by daily activities. Sex is an activity that starts in the mind and a tired mind is unlikely to put up a good performance.
How to deal with these problems
The key to dealing with these problems is identifying the cause, and making an appropriate intervention. While cardiovascular diseases and other diseases like diabetes may be uncommon in younger men, there is no harm in telling your doctor about your problem. The doctor will be able to make a diagnosis of any physical cause as he takes your history.
The important step is to try not to panic. If you are certain that you don’t have any medical condition then you probably have nothing to worry about. You are simply experiencing what every man goes through ounce in a while. Resist the temptation to force by manipulation as this may cause injury to the erectile tissue. In fact forcing it will only increase anxiety and make the recovery period longer. You will also notice that watching porn may not help much.
What you need to do is to accept the situation as it is and wait it out. This may take a while, at times up to 48 hour before the body recovers from whatever caused the malfunction. Freely explain the situation to your woman and make her understand that the problem has nothing to do with her or her performance. Remember she is probably in the mood for some action, so you can explore other means of pleasuring her but stick only to what you are both comfortable with. Remember that your woman is as human as you are, and she is most likely with you because she likes you for who you are. So you don’t need to get too anxious about pleasing her or proving your worth.
Engage in physical exercise. Activities such as sports will keep you healthy and ensure that you do not have any excess fats to clog the arteries. Remember to eat timely well balanced meals, and take plenty of water to keep the body well hydrated. Have plenty of sleep so as to rest the body and the mind. If you are overweight, you might need to consult your physical therapist for advice on how to cut down on the extra fat. You can also read ‘understanding physical exercise’ for quick tips on how to start exercise routines that can be helpful. Don’t forget to stay away smoking and excess alcohol.