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Eternally Optimistic or a Foolishly Vocal Pessimist? Relationships at their best
Relationships: Optimism? or Pessimism?
Relationships are so easily put into a cliche; but, what they really consist of is your own internal struggles or wins with that "voice" inside of you. So the question remains, am I that eternal optimist that I've always disillusioned myself to thinking I am, or am I really just a pessimist foolishly disguised?
What Men Want to Hear?
There is a long list of things men just don't want to hear. They don't want to hear, "my body aches," or "I have a migraine," or "I'm tired." In fact, they do not want to hear any other complaint for that matter. A man likes to feel like the knight who can fix anything, and when you present them with a problem that they cannot fix, they shut down. Which brings into question, why are you complaining in the first place? Does your body hurt because of medical issues, or because you are lazy or depressed? Optimistic or pessimistic about life, love, career, or family? Optimism and pessimism can determine how you feel, react, and communicate in a relationship.
Relationships are Meant to be Fulfilling
Personal Struggles with Optimism and Pessimism
For instance, I had just lost yet another job for "surprisingly" being sick yet again on top of a plethora of surprises to happen in the year of 2015. I was jobless for four days, two of which had been the weekend, and what I hear is "why don't yuo be a bit more productive today."
I block out the explanation that we had a late start that day, and that they know when I'm productive I'm happier. Instead I snap, but the snap was not at the man I love, but rather at my own struggles inside. It hit me, I was not the optimist I have always fancied myself to be. I was a pessimist. I was dealing with the loss of a job, figuring out where my bill payments were coming from a mother on my case to get things straightened up at her house,and I lash out. Almost a defense mechanism to make the love of my life mad or make them leave, because I know they will. There is the pessimist creeping into my internal struggles yet again.
Consult an Outsider
I found that consulting an outsider before losing my cool was a huge help in resolving conflict.
I consult my best friend, my guru, my person who has for all intents and purposes, has been so brutally honest to me it could even bring Stalin to his knees. (Let's just say, don't send her as your foreign policy ambassador). As I digress, I tell her the story about what happened between me and my significant other. She virtually slaps me over text. Apparently her husband used to tell her in a similar fashion to do the same thing.
But Relationships Require Proper Communication
Tips ladies: If you are out of work, keep cleaning for a little bit when your man gets home. Then it looks like you are not waiting around for them to get home.
Consult an Outsider
So pessimistic me, instead of listening to reason, stays on the fact that I'm lazy (even though my significant other did not say I was lazy). I start to vent to my consultant about everything, and I get slapped really quick. First, she states don't be so vocal. I try explaining to her that I understand where he is coming from, but it feels like I am evil for having feelings. I am a difficult person, but being vocal... is that really the answer?
Just Look Inside Yourself
Sometimes we get sucked into the idea of a relationship, scared to show our flaws, but what are our flaws? Sometimes it is essential to be upfront and honest about who you are; but how do you know if you never confront the hard questions before or while you are in that relationship? We do not want to go through life with meaningless sex or week, month, or a year long relationship. We want that one real amazing love. While I have found mine, I still cannot help but stop, wait a minute, and realize that foolish pessimist needs to be put in check. What man wants a pessimist? What person is truly happy in a relationship when they act in a pessimistic way, because that pessimism shows and internal struggle with pessimistic thoughts?
Tip Ladies: Do not be so vocal. Pick and choose your fights. Maybe try not to be so vocal about the little things. Instead go take a break. Relax alone and let him chill out for a few. Examples include:
- A long shower (with the door locked)
- Go out for coffee (don't turn to booze, it will make a situation exponentially worse)
The key is to calm yourself and be optimistic, rather than come off as pessimistic.
Do Not be Scared of the Hard Questions
These questions are not meant to be difficult or tricky. They are meant to make you think. What and who are you? How do you intend to change it? No one can change that internal struggle. Try to confront the struggle as soon as possible; you will learn so much about yourself and how to appraoch a situation and explain how and why you may react to a situation.