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Etiquette of Dating Sites
Etiquette of Dating Sites
If anyone has read my posts in the past it is quite clear that I have a daughter, unmarried with a daughter of her own. I won’t go into the details, but she is very reliant on me for child care and a bit of extra money, well quite a lot actually. I am here to help, that’s what mothers do. I have a feeling of duty now to move her onto the next part of her life and let me have mine back. I suggested a dating site, she stuck her nose in the air and said ‘no way’. I want her to meet someone who is going to make her happy and yes I suppose to support her a bit more financially, emotionally and just to look out for her. I won’t be here forever now will.
I joined one for her, passed her the laptop and said off you go. Within two minutes she was hooked. She was inundated with messages and started to try and answer them. She got in a right old mess, she does not touch type, cannot spell very well and answered to many requests to keep track of her conversations.
The next evening she started again, opening all her messages again and looking around the site a bit more. She received one message that accused her of stalking. She was mortified as she did not realise that the site lets the audience see who is checking them out. She had been clicking on the profiles of each and every message before she resent an answer to remind herself who she was talking to.
Then she started to get the wierdo’s asking to pay her to lose their virginity with her. Ohh dear she needed a bit of help this was a bit more difficult than she thought it would be. She phoned her friend who had been on the site in question for some months, and she gave some advice. Here is what she said.....
1. Never believe that the Calvin Cline lookalike is really who you are talking to. People put fake pictures on the site. Obvious I suppose to the more seasoned dating site user
2. Do not make a date until you have been messaging them for at least a month
3. Do not use innuendos, especially suggestive ones, people do not get the joke most of the time
4. Do not give out your phone number until after the first request, wait until you have got to know a bit more about them
5. Be polite and friendly, treat others as you would like to be treated
6. Talk about hobbies, favourite foods, keep it very light
7. If you are not attracted by their photo do not enter into conversation just to be polite, don’t waste their time or yours, move on
8. Never ever give out your address
9. Do not try to talk to too many people at once, make your choices and build a rapport, quality not quantity
10. Go with your gut instinct, if they have mad eyes, take note and cut off conversation
11. Do not enter into conversation about your children, this is about you, and remember you do not know these people
12. Do not talk about ill health, nothing more off putting than hearing about your bunion operation
13. Don’t be frightened of taking the initiative, if you like them, tell them and ask them for a date
14. Do not take rejection personally, some people are only on the site to have a laugh, pass a bit of time and may be married with three kids, move on
15. Do not get annoyed if you see you choice of man or woman still browsing the site, you don’t own them just because you are having a chat
16. If someone says they are free spirited or adventurous or open minded don’t even bother, they are probably only after sex
17. A photo that’s taken on a phone in the bathroom has been taken in secret, they are either in a relationship or married and hiding to take the photo
18. Very obvious, but if you do decide to meet someone, meet in a busy place, let someone know where you are going, take a mobile phone, don’t get into their car, if you don’t like their vibe, just make your excused and leave, pay your way, don’t take expensive gifts and look for a wasted lower ring finger, because that’s where they usually wear their wedding ring.
This friend made it sound like a warzone out there on those dating sites. I thought it was actually quite good advice. I suppose everyone has different needs and are attracted to all sorts but as a genuine user of a site needs to be careful as my daughter has now realised. She has had a couple of text messages and this has started out ok then the conversation fizzles out. She said she thinks she is doing this all wrong, I think she is doing it all right. If you haven’t got a spark with someone and the conversation does not flow then maybe it was the wrong choice. She has made some observations about the men, here is her top ten turnoffs just from a photo and profile
1. Men posing with their tops off either overweight or showing off their six packs
2. A picture surrounded by beautiful women in hardly any clothes
3. Dressed in a wedding suit
4. Holding a gun and pretending to shoot your friend
5. Poking out their tongue at the camera
6. Out with the boys, drunk out of their head
7. A pole dancing pole in the middle of their bedroom
8. A cropped picture with half the face of the ex still showing
9. Sitting spread eagled on a Porsche even worse an old Ford Fiesta
10. Laying on the bed with a dreamy look on their face
11. Close up pic with doe eyes and obviously posing
12. Dressed up in army camouflage clothing
Men take note, these are not the best poses to use if you are trying to attract a ‘nice girl’
Off putting claims on the profile
Loves travelling, looking for travelling partner, white water rafter, planning a trip to climb Everest, Going to Asia for a year, Loves extreme sports, emigrating to Australia, interested in dating, enters prefers not to say to half the questions
Good things to put on profile
Loves dogs, watching DVD’s, family life, enjoys their job, likes a drink now and then, likes going to restaurants, wants to make someone happy, hates arrogant people, does not suffer racism or judgemental behaviour, wants a relationship and to share their life
WORST MESSAGE SO FAR
'You look very attractive, what is wrong with you and why doesn't anyone want you?
My daughter is completely hooked on the particular site she has joined and I cannot peel the laptop out of her hands.
It’s only been a week and there has been a big learning curve, I am sure there is more to come maybe a wedding if I am lucky. LOL
If you have any more tips please feel free to add them and I will pass them on.
What is the worst picture on a dating site
Update on Progress So Far........
Since being a fully fledged member of 'the' dating site things have hotted up a bit and then fallen flat on the floor again. I am still hopeful but with someone filling in their profile and not realising that the question on the profile 'first date' is about what you would like to do on your first date does not mean spilling the beans like this. 'I had first date when i was 16 years of age. We went to the park and then the cinema we had our first kiss blah blah blah'..... Who does this except some one who is a bit dumb or having a laugh. It amused her, and she did point it out to the messager, she never heard from him again. James, Steve, Alan, Andy, how may more is she gonna chat to for hours, then nothing. Its always the same, its because chit chat runs out, and unless you meet up with someone the common point of contact has gone.
Her friend, a counsellor in training, went on her date and decided to try out her new found skills, and unearthed a control freak who needed a woman to make him happy, like cleaning, cooking, and doing his ironing. When she asked him to reflect upon his progress with women so far he threw down his drink and walked out on her.
A bit of flirty talk has taken place, and L asked T to send a new photo of himself as she did not believe the one one the profile page was his. He then sent a a posed picture of himself from his phone, with top off, and stomach oh so pulled in he looked like he had a 40 inch bust. Awh bless him he is so keen and seemed to be really up for a date, now nothing, absolutely diddly squat, whats hanneing. i want a spring wedding.