- Gender and Relationships
FIND YOUR LIFE PARTNER
Make your Presence Felt
Those who seek our hands in marriage must feel our presence to make up their minds. The sister in the bus story of the last chapter impacted the brother by standing up for Jesus in a bus full of men and other Christians.
Eliezer was a total stranger to Rebecca but in verses18-19 of the 24th chapter of Genesis, she impacted him by her beauty, modesty, humility, hospitality, friendliness and kindness. Ruth’s presence was felt in the field by Boaz as a wife material.
Presence is defined as a personal magnetism that attracts and holds the attention of others. It is a quality of poise or distinction that enables a person to impress, or have strong effect on others. (Longman’s family dictionary)
Impact is the fruit of presence and until we positively impact those we come in contact with daily, our presence will not be felt. When we are in search of life partner we must ensure that we have presence wherever we are: office, school, market place, church, seminars, conferences and even when we are in transit by air or bus. Above all, we must ask for divine positioning, guidance, grace in the sight of our would-be life partner to make them see in us what others cannot see, especially our good parts.
Our presence is the manifestation of our true selves without a preconceived motive and so it must be devoid of pretense. The “presence” keys to locating our future partners are considered below:
A wife material like Ruth must be friendly. Ruth was more than a daughter-in-law to Naomi; she was a friend in need. What would have Naomi done at her age and as a widow to fend for herself if Ruth did not cleave to her. The love between Ruth and Naomi was like the one between Jonathan and David (2Sam.1:26).
Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens. (Ruth 2:13)
Marriage must be built on friendship between the partners and between each partner and the family members of the opposite sex. Marriage can only be between friends and not between enemies and it is written (prov.18:24) that anybody who needs friends must show himself friendly. Our presence must showcase our friendly disposition and hospitality.
Our Lord Jesus Christ is friendly, calls us friends and not servants and eventually died for us His friends (Jn.15:13-15). As many who have been baptized into Jesus must have friendliness engraved in their DNA. Hate or hostility begets enmity as love begets friendliness. A friendly relationship predicated on the unconditional love of God could beget a godly marriage.
My wife made me understand the in-built peculiar strength in women. We could get back home from work or church together and whilst I feel tired and unwilling to do anything, she will get dinner fixed, look over the children’s school home work before going to bed. She wakes up before me the next morning to get the children ready for school. Ruth was hard working and a home keeper. She reminds me of the virtuous woman (prov.31:10-31).
And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter. (Ruth 2:2)
God created woman out of man and endowed her with peculiar strength, wisdom and abilities. It is only a woman that can become a mother and also possess peculiar home building and managerial skills. Her feminine attributes and more peaceful nature balances the home atmosphere. The more feminine a woman is the more beautiful and pleasing to God she become. The more a woman tries to appear and conduct herself like a man and to take man’s place, the more she loses her true beauty and virtue.
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. (1Ti 2:12-13)
I have seen some ill-home trained sisters who do not have respect for any man and when asked, they would say their submission is meant for their husband and not to all men. The tragedy for such an ill-mannered sister is that she may be exposing her lack of virtue and feminity to a prospective husband who may vow not to marry her.
In ministry, I have seen some virtuous women. Some of our married women believe that submission to “our own husbands” means ridding themselves of creativity and initiative and waiting for their husbands to think for them and instruct them on what to do.
The husband must find job or start a business of his choice for them or they remain idle house wives. I have seen single sisters who are either idle or doing very low paid jobs with the hope that they will get married to a rich brother to carry all their burdens.
Add to your Presence…
A wife material like Ruth must be cool headed, willing and obedient. To God obedience is a great virtue and more to be preferred than works of sacrifices. The obedient will always eat the good of the land. Ruth obeyed the counsel of Naomi and gleaned only on the field of Boaz. It is time some of our sisters learn to remain or relocate only to their place of blessing and stop moving from place to place in their own wisdom.
And she said unto her, all that thou sayest unto me I will do. (Ruth 3:5)
When it was time to make her proposal move, she promised and did exactly all Naomi counseled her. One of the banes of marriages today is disregard of godly counsel. Some of our young ones seek counsel but find it difficult to obey. Many of our young ones attend marriage counseling classes just to go out and do exactly the opposite of what they were taught. This has led to broken marriages and left most of our young ones without marriage partners.
It was once revealed to me during a single’s seminar that one of the reasons why we have delay in finding marriage partners and broken wrong marriages is because most of our young ones got it all figured out and feels they do not need God’s help or godly counsel.
Conviction and Stability
And they said unto her, surely we will return with thee unto thy people (Ruth 1:10).
A marriage material like Ruth must be a woman of conviction and stability (Jam.1:6-8). Instability and lack of conviction in our young people of today is a major factor in the delay of finding marriage partners. Orpah may have wanted to follow Naomi for the only reason that there would be another opportunity for her to remarry. When Naomi made it clear that there was none of such opportunity waiting for them in Israel, Orpah changed her mind but Ruth clave to Naomi as a friend would by conviction.
When she saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her. (Ruth 1:18)
Ruth passed the motive test by her stability. Ruth’s yes remained yes in spite of Naomi’s attempt to discourage them from following her to Israel. Lack of stability in our young men and women is the reason behind rampant broken relationships and divorce cases in Christian marriages today. A marriage material must show conviction and character stability during courtship and in the marriage life proper.
Violence in marriage is the aftermath of lack of conviction and stability as no sane woman would marry a man who started battering her during courtship. A man who was gentle and caring during courtship could turn out to be a wife beater after marriage if he lacks stability. A wife could start bad mouthing her husband, the marriage and even opt out of marriage after few years due to lack of conviction and stability.