Faded to Black, Missing in Action
The man I fell in love with & gave my heart to, fell in love with another woman. My heart skipped a beat, my world spun & I was all like, WTF?? I ran around with my emotions, showing him every scar he ever caused me, but it didn’t make a bit of difference. It came to point where I had to accept reality, I think Chrisette Michelle said it best when she debuted her album in 2009 with her #1 hit single Epiphany! I had to wake up and not only smell the coffee, but drink it too! Two cups to be exact. I laugh out loud to myself now… how foolish I had been to begin with.
Well now, we were married and we have three children. In this instance, he has left me for another woman, said I pushed him away. She works with him, he lives with her. I can’t say much about her because she hasn’t shown me much. However, this man believes in his whole heart that I will sit here and wait for him to finish playing in the garbage then want to come back and put his filthy hands on me. Absolutely not. I guess he expects me to wait and see how their relationship will end and still be holding tight. Foolish man, I married you! I consider myself a wise, beautiful, good hearted, powerful, praying woman, who loves unconditionally disregarding all flaws for the sake of love and its purity. You mean to tell me you’re going to leave ME!? For another woman at that!? The audacity! I can tell you this though, when I leave…I’m gone for good.
Shamed and broken hearted I faded to black, untraceable, location unknown. Took the kids and simply left…well that was after he told me to get out of the house. He told me to leave him so many times, it was as if he insisted that I realize the truth. I thought I was being a “real” woman by standing strong besides her husband, wanting to come to some sort of reconciliation. The fact openly remained, he no longer wanted me. What was I going to do? I had to think of a game plan on the move! I was a homemaker for my family. I did not have to work. He took care of his family financially and I never saved much money because I was always spending it. Thank God for family, friends and people who have my back that go unrecognized because of their modesty and humility. You know that story about Jesus and the sand? Yeah, well this was the time I definitely needed to be carried.
Sleepless nights and early mornings, all of which, I have endured. I think it doesn’t hurt as much because I had already begun to see the signs, but never really knew the truth… until now. As I said, I have vanished, gone missing and I cannot be found. Marriage, I took it to heart and decided to settle down. I got too comfortable. You can expect a disturbance at any given time when it comes to life. At some point you will have to muster up the strength to be able to defeat the odds and come out on top. Back to the drawing board I went. But Before I wrote a thing, I prayed.
I have so much to do, with such little time! I just don’t want to be seen. Handling business, has always been a forte of mine, but I like to stay out of the public eye. When I do grace the scene people always wonder where I have been. I can get the job done, with or without any help. The rug had literally been slipped from beneath my feet and I still had to be able to keep my balance and remain solid. I am a very discreet individual. I like to slip in & out without much commotion, that’s how I keep myself low-key. Even more so now! I hardly want anybody looking me in the eye, let alone, holding a conversation. I take my conversations seriously. So I guess you could say I am missing in action, but you’d better believe I am definitely on a mission.
What better time than now to reevaluate myself as a woman and go for what I desire in life? Like writing a few books, finish my degree, renew several licenses, taking up modeling/acting for a side job, & raising my children like royalty to name a few. At the end of the day, this is no longer a family unit, with the man being the head. I am the head and the family unit when it comes to my children. I just don’t want to be seen, not just yet. When you see me again, you are going wonder who is putting a smile on my face. I did that. I’m just not ready yet. Believe it or not, the grind is a daily. If I could add a few commas to my bank account, I’ll be set for life. Not because of the money, but because of my mindset, the money just makes things more comfortable for me.
The thing about going M.I.A., is people will not be able to reach me for any given circumstance. Where there is contact there is always a lead. I wish I could put a sign on the front door that says, DO NOT BOTHER. I haven’t gone into depression, it was a close one, but I shook that shit off real quick! There is not a man in the world who can break my confidence, of this I am now convinced. Now it’s time for some action. This is a personal mission for me to become a better me. I’m the world’s greatest mystery because all of my action is under wraps. Now that I am free to take charge, I plan to do so, in every aspect of the meaning. For now I’ll hide behind all the shade my ex-husband is throwing. It is going to be one cold winter, however will I weather the storm?
I have faith, I have hope and I have love. All of these will be of aid to me while I am on this mission. I am well equipped with a grand mind, positive things are bound to happen where ever I go. Either the burden has been lifted, or I have lost some dead weight, regardless of which, I’m moving fluidly. I have a paranoia about broadcasting unfinished work, someone somewhere, will try to ruin it. So why present myself to the world brand new if I am not ready yet? .... I want you to get a taste of my tea so to speak. Get a feel for who I am and what type of message I am sending to the ladies and gentlemen worldwide. Love me first, just for who I am, then when you meet me it will be as if you already know me. I only spread the message because I love you too and that comes easy. Agape
I’m taking a break from the public eye, knee deep in my literature and my meditation. I needed healing … I got it, but for now, I’m missing in action. When I come back on the scene, you will be able to tell the difference this divorce has caused me, and for the better. I am the only one who can make me happy, I have full control of my destiny and I refuse to squander my gifts. This talented wise young woman is destined for greatness! I refuse to let a few bad breaks in my life cause me to be bitter. I am far too young, and too damn fine to fool myself into believing I will never love again. I am no longer looking for love, love is just going to have to come find me. It’s time to move on with my life, and accomplish my goals. I’ve given too much of myself already, I’m saving my heart for myself. My time is here , I am simply under wraps & missing in action. There’s ways to get the job done in silence. Real women do real things and we don’t have to brag about it. Peace & Love