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Falling in Love - How Do People Fall in Love Just From Talking?

Updated on March 5, 2013
Woman talking on phone
Woman talking on phone | Source

The Power of Language

The million dollar question is, how do people ended up falling in love just from talking? If you have read the book entitled "The Mating Mind" written by Geoffrey Miller, there is one particular chapter where the author is basically trying to figure out how our ancestors developed the ability to fall in love by simply talking to each other. In the process, he introduces this rather interesting topic "Public Speech as Covert courtship".

According to Miller, verbal courtship can be narrowly viewed as face-to-face flirtation, or broadly as anything we say in public that might increase our social status or personal attractiveness in the eyes of potential mates. He believes that during early courtship, although sexual flirtation accounts only for a small fraction of language use, it's still considered to have the most important evolutionary effects. In the author's opinion, this is the moment when the most important decisions in relation to reproduction are made.

He also thinks this is the time, depending on what you say, can determine whether you will be rejected as sexual partners. The writer goes on to question the fact, that if language evolved only for face-to-face flirtation, why would we make it our point of duty altruistically giving away information when we are not directly courting a particular individual? According to the writer we would surely be less talkative than we do.

Verbal Courtship

The Author goes on to say that verbal courtship in the broader sense explains why we compete to say interesting, relevant things in groups. His opinion is that, sexual choice permeates human social life, owing to the fact that anything that raises social status tends to improve mating prospects. Miller believes if a man gains a reputation as an incisive thinker who consistently clarifies group decision-making and mediates social conflicts, his social status and sexual attractiveness increases.

On the contrary, if a woman gains respect as a great wit and an inventive storyteller, her status and attractiveness increases as well. Miller argues that public speaking and debate provide an opportunity for individuals to advertise their knowledge, clear thinking, social tact, good judgement, wit, experience, morality, imagination, and self-confidence. His conclusion was that under Pleistocene conditions, the sexual incentives for advertising such qualities would have lasted throughout adult life, in almost every social situation. The author believes that the language is responsible for putting the mind on public display, where sexual choice could see them clearly for the first time in evolutionary history.


Miller has made a few strong points here. In his reasoning, he sees language as a very powerful tool in courtship. Men will go out of their way to say the most beautiful things to the ladies, in an effort to be selected. Whether they meant what they say or not, they have to create that first impression, in order to have that woman falling in love with them as quickly as possible.

Like they say "first impression is lasting, and there will never be a second chance to prove a first impression."As far as public speaking and debates are concerned, usually the most eloquent or charismatic speakers tend to have more positive bearings on the audience than those who are outright "flat" and less appealing.


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    • mackyi profile imageAUTHOR

      I.W. McFarlane 

      6 years ago from Philadelphia

      TycoonSam, it's a pleasure reading your comments. That's the problem with most of us in this society today --- we tend to take people at face value and ignore what should be the most important --- the inner person! I see where you are coming from Tycoon, and I also know where you are heading! Lol.

    • TycoonSam profile image


      6 years ago from Washington, MI

      Very interesting. I think that that kind of "Love" is stronger than let's say "Love at first sight" or a physical attraction kind of Love. Falling in Love with one's mind know where I'm going.

      Voted up and interesting. Great Hub

    • mackyi profile imageAUTHOR

      I.W. McFarlane 

      6 years ago from Philadelphia

      Hi Ruby, I guess it all boils down to effective communication skills. I sincerely believe that good human relations skills are of paramount importance to one's success on the job, when conducting businesses, meeting people, building friendship/relationships, resolving issues and so on.

      Some people just know what to say --- how to say it --- and when to say it. You on the other end of the line has to be a very attentive listener to be able to evaluate what you hear.

    • Ruby H Rose profile image

      Maree Michael Martin 

      6 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

      Interesting concept. Talking on the phone, without seeing the person first really teaches us about ourselves!

    • mackyi profile imageAUTHOR

      I.W. McFarlane 

      6 years ago from Philadelphia

      Lol!Tonipet, you certainly have a great sense of humor. I'm sure you wont have a problem finding a friend and falling in love! I must agree with you that communication is of paramount importance!Effective communication is one of the keys to success in today's world. Thanks for your vote.

    • Tonipet profile image

      Tonette Fornillos 

      6 years ago from The City of Generals

      Very helpful, indeed! I think this is very right, people do fall in love just by talking. It's even better as its in talking that each one expresses the person's genuine views of life, so much better than dating or sitting beside each other but with few words. It is possible then that I'll fall in love on hubpages! haha just kidding! ...I'm voting up beautiful and really interesting mack. Thank you.

    • mackyi profile imageAUTHOR

      I.W. McFarlane 

      6 years ago from Philadelphia

      Thanks a lot blueumbrella.

    • Blueumbrella profile image


      6 years ago

      A great article, Voted up and interesting!

    • mackyi profile imageAUTHOR

      I.W. McFarlane 

      6 years ago from Philadelphia

      Thanks for your comment strictlydating. Seems as if the end result of a conversation between two people is usually influence by what each other has to say!

    • stricktlydating profile image


      6 years ago from Australia

      You chose a really good topic! I'm sure some people will find this quite helpful too :)


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