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Falling in love with Mr. Longterm instead of Mr. Dud
Short term vs Long term
I recently read this statement: "The Mr. Right you want to date might not be the one you need for the long term." Some people are drawn to a type. Someone you dreamed up. It is hard to translate a list into a live human being. I know that my teenage type is much different than my grown woman type. Because I find that my younger self was more superficial.
Focusing on a significant other and who I need them to be, vs who I want them to be. How we are as a couple together, and how we change each other for the better when we are apart from each other. Just like the Twilight Movie when Edward proposes to Bella. Bella says something like, "It isn't really about you, Edward, or Jacob. It is about me and who I want to be. Because it is my world to...."
Many human qualities flip over and become bad qualities. Intelligence can flip over and become an opinionated know-it-all. Someone who is low key and an easy going person can flip over and become a person who has no opinions or be lazy. Falling in love with looks isn't what adds quality to a relationship. "What you want isn't necessarily good for you," which is something that was also said in the Twilight Saga from Charlie to Bella.Going after what you think you want takes away from what you really need.
My needs go like this:
I need someone that I can trust. Last few relationships did not provide that. My boyfriend now, he will answer a question truthfully, no matter if an embarrassing incident occurred. It surprised me so much that he told me the truth to where I did not ask further questions, I just knew it was true. Could he bring out more of the empath in me? Create more of the person that I am supposed to be?
My boyfriend had gone through a childhood disorder. He was two years old when he had signs of Cerebral Palsy. His DNA test showed his issue came from an older ancestor in history. Really shocking!! He had to go through extensive physical therapy and a couple surgeries to be the independent man he is today. He conquered his challenge, unlike the two men I dated before him. I believe that us going through these in our childhood makes us not want to be prisoners to cigarette smoking. Which would just add more health issues that we do not want.
I need someone that appreciates my hobbies: photography, jewelry making and family genealogy. My boyfriend's mom has bought me supplies to make her jewelry. Recently, a pearl necklace, that her mother used to wear broke. She saved all the beads in a plastic bag and gave them to me to create something new for her. This is a project that I still need to work on. I also bought my boyfriend a DNA test for his birthday. Which I mentioned above. He's adopted. He's very lucky to have been adopted into a good home, and he knows that. Therefore, he didn't know his nationalities that he was until we got the results of this test. In looking up his maternal Haplogroup and his paternal Haplogroup, I found quite a bit of history. Some amazing history to say the least. I also paid for the health part of the kit, since my boyfriend did not have any medical history that was his own. We can work on some health issues together.
Despite the physical issue of his left hand, due to the cerebral palsy, he has taken my camera away and started taking pictures of me. Which happened at his family reunion in Hannibal. Two of his relatives came up and took pictures of us because they thought we were too cute together.
My boyfriend knows how much my canine means to me. He has gotten me so many dog theme gifts; a unique jacket from Branson, a plaque, Christmas ornaments, t-shirts, even an engraved stone. He also knows that when we buy our condo that my dog will be coming with me. He has agreed for us to adopt one more.
A previous boyfriend knew that I had kids. I believe we broke up because he heard that my children, or one of my three children were heading back to Missouri. I believe that; thanks to that relationship, is the reason why my children did not bother to come see me before their father left for a military deployment to Italy. My new boyfriend is not that way. He never had children, even though he is very good with my nieces and nephew." (Ages 11, 4 1/2, 2 1/2 and 5 months)
I asked my boyfriend once, "which one of my kids are you the most excited to meet?" My boyfriend said, "your oldest." I said, "why?" Because you talk about him the most. I said, "yeah, I got to raise him to adulthood. Considering everything that has happened, I feel that I will always know my son the best."
My boyfriend knows that if we are to get married, my hope was to have my only son walk me down the aisle. I've lost all hope for that now. However, I will never forget the years as a mother. My boyfriend gave me the most amazing Mother's Day gift this year. This was the first year that he did. (Probably after I showed him and his parents a picture of when my little Erica was baptized. One of the reasons why I showed the picture was because my exes father knows my new boyfriend's father. They worked together until my boyfriend's father retired.) Considering I did not have my boyfriend's children, it surprised me. I had seen this necklace in a store when I was out shopping with my boyfriend. I showed it to him, saying, "look, three hearts; Alex, Danielle and Erica." The next thing I know, on a day before Mother's Day, that we both had off from work, I was holding that exact necklace in my hands. "Alex, Danielle and Erica." My mother liked it. I also wore it to Hannibal, Missouri early this month to my boyfriend's father's family reunion. Did I mention that my boyfriend told me that his brother offered to help pay for our wedding? His brother says, "Okay, let's get 'er done!!" I asked my boyfriend, "you sure that's okay with his wife?" My boyfriend said, "yea." (I believe that this brother is even closer to my boyfriend, who grew up as his younger brother, even though he was adopted, because my boyfriend helped his young niece (this brother's daughter) through childhood cancer. Through the stages of baldness, and the stays at St. Jude.)
That we accept each other, even when we let ourselves go. I am no spring chicken after all. My boyfriend showed up at the hospital when I had a car accident a year ago. In fact, I called my parents first, from the accident site. However, my boyfriend ended up getting to the hospital first. I have heard my father say many things about past significant others in my life. It surprises me that my father has not said one negative thing about my current significant other. My father always has an opinion. Before I started dating my boyfriend, my father told me, "you should have me choose the guys you date, I can pick an a$$hole a mile away." My past patterns has shown that he isn't wrong. I don't want any of my past patterns to infect the future that I have left.
Recently, I had a conflict at work to where I had to gather all my notes on a client. My boyfriend let me vent, as I cried through my stress. He gently told me he should go and let me get started on typing up those notes. I thanked him for letting me vent, and we hung up.
The first time I saw him, he was 12 and I was 17. I have quite a long term memory. Sometimes I think it is a curse. The next time I saw him, I was with the previous guy I was dating. I had suspected that that relationship was over for awhile, at least 2 1/2 months before the actual break up. Walking by my current boyfriend in a store, he looked like he had a glowing aura all around him. Something that I had not noticed with anyone else. On one occasion; I noticed orbs dancing in the room. That was new. Considering I am getting back into more of my spiritual side. There has to be reason we crossed paths again. No matter the age difference, his parents are glad that I am in his life. When he sees high school friends, he says: "Remember the Roy Brothers in high school, I'm dating their sister. I didn't know they even had a sister."
I am now going to pay attention to not what I want in life, but what I need in life. God will always give me what I need, more so than what I want.