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Family surviving divorce

Updated on July 13, 2011

Mother of a divorced son

Nothing is more heartbreaking than when your child suffers. Even when they are grown and no longer live at home. Divorce is one of those devastating events that seems to be happening more frequently in everyone’s lives. Being the mother of a son with a child that is even more difficult, especially when it involves a grandchild. Sons by nature are more reserved about their feelings and don’t ask assistance very much. The internalize and keep things to themselves so you watch as they keep it bottled up and suffer with no way of pulling it out of them until they are ready which may take a very long time.

When you are close to your ex-daughter-in-law the process is even more difficult when an extramarital affair is happening. You feel like you have lost a daughter and the friendship that was so close as well as betrayed. If you are feeling like this imagine what your son is feeling. You can do nothing but stand by as the family is torn apart and everyone’s whole world is turned upside down.

With your grandchild you wonder if and when you will get see them. You want so desperately to be a part of the child’s life, but don’t want to take away from any Daddy time. This is a fine line and severely limits your time with the grandchild. If your son lives at home then you get to see the grandchild on any occasion that they are visiting their Daddy which is wonderful, but if not it is much more difficult.

A whole new side of the ex-daughter-in-law emerges some Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. They become hateful, resentful and vindictive rubbing salt into the wound all along the way. This is very hurtful to your son as well as those who love and trusted her.

I have no solutions to this horrific problem but I have something’s that have helped me copy.

1. Faith. God sustains all of us especially as watching your son blame everyone for this breakup of his family even God.

2. Exercise. Get out and move and work off your frustrations. Move and work out like you are beating up the ex in your mind and you will be surprised what you can accomplish.

3. Take up a hobby. This will get you out with other people and not sitting at home dwelling on the misery. You will meet new and interesting friends, some of who may be going through what you are.

4. Join a support group or start one if there is not one in your area for extended families of divorce. This will help those that are suffering come together and vent, and offer suggestions to each other.

5. Prayer. Pray and watch God unfold a whole new horizon for you. He probably has some one better and more suitable for your son and just pray he finds her and they start a new life together.

Most of all let your son know you will always be there for him and your grandchild and that you love them unconditionally. Hug him often and just smile when and sit in silence when he needs it. He will never forget you for your support and you are actually supporting each other just by being there together. Love and enjoy your grandchild and make the most of the time you have together. It is truly quality time not quantity time that makes a difference.


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