ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Feelings Of Guilt

Updated on October 19, 2011

As she poured the coffee into the cup sitting in front of me, I gazed towards the smile on her face. I felt a warmth I have not felt in quite some time. I had to fight down the urge to stand and grab her in a hug. I am addicted to hugs and have not had one in a long time. The battle was difficult, but I controlled my urge and caught the end of her question to me; "Are you alone?" The tears had to show, even if not out of my eyes, I was crying inside. "Yes, my wife died in November." I saw a pain overcome the waitress; a pain for me. She asked me a few more general questions and I her. I felt a desire to ask for more time with her, but away from here. My insides wouldn't allow me to ask that simple question, "Will you go out with me?

I paid the bill and left with smiles and a beautiful, "Come see us again" from this waitress I was having some kind of feelings for.

As I drove, guilt set in. I felt like I was feeling emotions that were wrong. Can a man love two different women? I am not saying I love this waitress all of a sudden, but am I doing wrong in thinking it may be a possibility?

I arrived home and the rest of the day was full of depression. I wanted to know if what I was feeling was ok. I couldn't find an answer. I was in my shed looking through my toolbox and found some pictures I had of Jonda, my beautiful wife who is now in Heaven. I broke down and have wept and wept.

Praying It Through

I had such strong feelings of guilt that I found myself on my knees praying non-stop. I asked forgiveness from both God and Jonda. I felt nothing until this morning.

I awoke this morning with a great desire to go to that restaurant for breakfast. I felt Jonda telling me to go. 

I had those feelings again. The waitress has a smile that just warms me. I also see pains deep inside of her and I believe we could each help the other with those pains.

Is It Right?

Is loving another after the death of your spouse right?

So many people have different opinions; can anyone show me Bible verses that deal with this issue?

I wonder if I can hold, hug and love another, or is the pillow next to me all that I have for the rest of my time on this Earth?

Ok Or Not?

Is it ok to date after the death of a spouse?

See results

How Long?

If Your Answer Was Yes Above, How Long Should A Widow/Widower Wait Before Dating Again?

See results

Opinions Do Count!

Believe it or not, I do value all opinions, even if I disagree with them.

I warmly welcome all opinions because, as you can see, I am battling an internal guilt problem.

Jonda will always be in my heart, in my soul and in my very being. We were made for each other. My question is, would God bless me with another to feel a similar love for?

This my friends is my predicament. I pray God's Wisdom and the knowledge to use that Wisdom correctly. In Jesus Name!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      Mesa Verde Boers 

      8 years ago


      I can see why Jonda loved you so very much. She would want you to be happy, with or without someone new.

      I believe in my core God has a plan for you, a good plan, and a good purpose. If it is in His plan for you to have a partner, He will guide you. Ruth married Naomi's son, and out of love for him and her mother-in-law, followed Naomi after his death when Naomi returned to her people. There Ruth met and married Boaz. Their son was Obed, King David's grandfather...

      I pray God comforts you with His love and confidence in Him brings you the answer to your question. :)

    • Froggy213 profile imageAUTHOR

      Greg Boudonck 

      8 years ago from Returned to an Isla Del Sol - Puerto Rico Will Rise Strong

      There have been so many caring individuals out there--thank you.

      May God bless all of you

    • LuisEGonzalez profile image

      Luis E Gonzalez 

      8 years ago from Miami, Florida

      The appropriate amount of time is wholly dependent on you and how you deal with your loss. I am convinced that God will somehow let you know when the right time arrives.

      God bless you and thanks for sharing

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      No time limit really. It can just be personal out of respect for relatives and friends. But God will guide. God bless.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      Hey man. I think Jonda wants you to be happy. If you are a widower I see nothing wrong with falling in love again. Man was not meant to be alone. I do understand your quandry. It is noble and honorable of you to feel this way. Go for it. As long as it is not just a rebound thing that might cause her to be hurt.

    • Eiddwen profile image


      8 years ago from Wales

      Hi froggy,

      Don't reprimand yourself because I would say that what you are experiencing is totally normal.

      Whenever I've not been sure which road to take I listen to my inner being and if it feels right then go ahead, if it doesn't then maybe not at the moment.

      I think that I am repeating the advice that rachelrobinson gave you and in my mind she is spot on.

      No one will ever take Jonda's place and you are not being disloyal to her memory at all.

      You are in my thoughts froggy and take care,


    • LoopyGem profile image


      8 years ago from Canada

      I believe that in death the fact will always remain that to truly love someone would be to want them to be happy....forever....whethor that is with you or not. Your happiness is expected of you BECAUSE your wife loved you....there will never be another one like her...they will be their own person...and that's a good thing. You're not trying to replace her. Allow her to be happy for you if and when you decide to fill this void and you will feel a great weight lifted and know that she is smiling.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      It is time to live again Froggy, I'm sure Jonda would agree. Jonda will always be your first love no one can ever take that away from you. This will bother your kids probably but they have someone beside them you do not.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      8 years ago from Minnesota

      Dear Froggy-I believe that Jonda wants you to be Happy and to try your best to get on with life. You have memories and your love for her which will never go away. Don't be so hard on yourself for having feelings for a woman. Jonda's probably whispering in your ear for courage to ask the waitress out, Why? Because Jonda loves you and wants what is best for you. God Bless you and I will pray that you will get clarity on the timing that is right for you.

    • Froggy213 profile imageAUTHOR

      Greg Boudonck 

      8 years ago from Returned to an Isla Del Sol - Puerto Rico Will Rise Strong

      Wow--thank you my friends--ty--I am so moved by the helpful comments

    • DanJ profile image


      8 years ago

      Rachel Pretty much said it all. We also need to remember though it's hard. But, our Vows say Till Death Due Us Part.

      Some may not ever re marry. Others may need to.

      I know many that have Re-married and they are Happy. Others did and are not. You may still have a while left on this planet my friend. Be sure to choose wisely and of God's will as you move forward.

      Though I hope I never have to. If I had to do it all over again. I would find a woman that loves God more than I do. If that's even possible. lol

      God bless you bro. You're not in the wrong here. Jonda's Home in Paradise. She'll be there no matter what you decide to do.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Froggy, the word of God says, "It is not good for man to be alone." You can find it in Genesis. I answered yes it is OK to date after losing a spouse.

      I also clicked other on the time to wait. I have no idea how long a person should wait. I believe it depends on the person really.

    • Sinea Pies profile image

      Sinea Pies 

      8 years ago from Northeastern United States

      You need to trust the Lord that, when the time is right, you'll know. Waiting periods are nobody's business.

    • Pamela N Red profile image

      Pamela N Red 

      8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Froggy there is no set amount of time. In the old days there was certain etiquette that was expected and six months to a year was the usual answer.

      Men who had a happy marriage are more apt to look for a new love sooner. It was good, they miss it and want it back.

      Don't feel guilty, it's not wrong to be lonely or to want to be with someone again. You are only human.

    • Froggy213 profile imageAUTHOR

      Greg Boudonck 

      8 years ago from Returned to an Isla Del Sol - Puerto Rico Will Rise Strong

      Thanks Mike and breakfastpop. I do agree Mike, God is not the author of confusion. I do believe Jonda would want happiness to abound and I will think on those thoughts

    • breakfastpop profile image


      8 years ago

      I am so sorry for your loss. There are no rules when it comes to loss and grieving. You and only you know what you need and I say go towards making yourself feel better.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Froggy what you are experianceing is totaly noraml...while I have never been in your shoes, I can not say Iknow how you feel.

      But your are after all a man after Gods heart and God knows whats best for his son....Having gone through divorce which is heart breaking..I had to allow God time to heal me and to allow myself to feel again..those feelings never go away...i can think of many things to say...but instead I,m going to keep my Irish mouth silent :0) and Pray and ask the Holyspirit to open and close the doors he wants you to go through...who are we as mere humans to say whats right or wrong for you...god knows what you need!!!

      so i,m of to fix my van...but I will be asking god in prayer for you!!!

      Love in Jesus

      Mike :0)

      Ps.. I beleive the guilt trip is not from god, just satan messing with your head...God loves realtionships..thats why he gave Eve to adam as a reflection of his love!!!!

    • Froggy213 profile imageAUTHOR

      Greg Boudonck 

      8 years ago from Returned to an Isla Del Sol - Puerto Rico Will Rise Strong

      Thank you Rachel

    • rachellrobinson profile image

      Rachel Woodruff 

      8 years ago from Southwest Missouri

      I think it is okay to date after the death of a spouse. What is the appropriate amount of time to wait? That isn't a simple question. Everyone is different. Some people would say date right away while others might suggest waiting a few years.

      I guess I would say if it feels right you can ask someone out. If it doesn't feel right, don't try to force yourself to feel right. Listen to that little whisper in your heart that tells you when it's okay to move on. Only you will know when it is right for you, if it is ever right. Some people never move on. They are content the rest of their life alone. Others move on almost instantly.

      I know that doesn't really answer your question as to when. Only you know that.



    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)