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Fights, Friends and Breakups

Updated on May 2, 2016

High School

I knew, this would happen. I knew the boy who came up to me in the hall freshman year, to ask my name, would be the future boy I would marry. Do I love him? More than anything in the world, but there is a fine line between love and hate.it feels like the line is becoming very unclear.

We were friends for years, I always knew however, that he saw it as more. I made him work for it, and work he did. Finally by Junior Prom, I gave in "womaned up" and told him how I felt... even though, I knew it would change everything. And it did, we've been together ever since.

High school was easy, college wasn't too bad; it wasn't until we delved into the real world, of taxes and utilities that things got rough.

Friends

Coming from the same high school, we have many mutual friends. my best friend, has basically been his wing woman for years when it comes to me. Always telling him what to say, and when... but this time, things just didn't work out.

She's my confidant, I tell her everything. This includes, the few grievances I happen to have with my man. Usually, nothing goes awry when I put my faith in her, and ask her for advice, this time it did. I happen to be in a rough patch at the moment, no biggy, everyone goes through it; it becomes a problem however, when your best friend gets involved and tells your boyfriend to be a better man.

My beau, is a man's man. His ego, tends to crowd a room, so when he is told he is not being a man, or a good man to his woman, he gets upset. Especially when someone else is the one to tell him so. Of course when he confronted me, I told the truth. I explained to him the problems we were having, and that I only spoke to my best friend about it for advice, not to humiliate him, or for her to confront him. He did not care, instead he stormed off, now what am I supposed to do?

I chose to simply let him cool off, I went to sleep the next day and I woke up in his arms. Everything was back to normal, or so I though... until he made the most ridiculous request he's ever made. He asked me to stop speaking with my best friend. As much as I love him, I love her like a sister, I could never shut her out, especially over something so trivial.

So being him, he stormed off yet again. He went to work. Came home, grabbed a plate, plated the dinner I prepared and then stalked off to his office. Who eats dinner in their office? Nobody! he came up to bed later, kissed me goodnight and turned to his side. There was no, "how was your day?" or I missed you," not that I mind exactly, but still... The silent treatment, really? What are we five? That's exactly what I asked him, he simply didn't respond. The question is, am I truly to blame?

Yes, I screwed up. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone to a friend for advice, perhaps I should've asked anonymously on here, but I didn't. I said I was sorry, and I admitted I had gone to her for advice, what else could I possibly do, to get him to stop acting like a fussy five year old? after all, he is a grown man.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      2 years ago

      "High school was easy, college wasn't too bad; it wasn't until we delved into the real world, of taxes and utilities that things got rough."

      Of course it was! Your parents were taking care of all of your requirements. High school and college are not the "real world".

      Generally speaking people don't start to figure out who (they are) until after they enter the job market, date around, and do some traveling.

      When it comes to love and relationships most of (fail our way) to success. Rarely does someone hit a "homerun" their first, second, or third time at bat.

      You asked the question "Are we 5?"

      The reality is in an adult relationship your partner should be the first person to know about your unhappiness. It's so Jr. high to go through a best friend to convey your feelings to the guy you "like".

      Lets face if you're living together its time to stop behaving like you're in high school. Another issue when telling friends to much of your personal business is it can set up a situation where they dislike your mate and eventually disrespect you for staying with him if you're all that unhappy.

      Whenever we can't talk directly to our mate (first) it's a sign we're acting immature. You're only person who knows what is "right" for (you)!

      Choosing your girlfriend over your man is never a winning strategy.

      You say she is like a sister and yet he will be the father to your children.

      Your priority list should consist of yourself and him until you have children and then you can look at those people outside of your household.

      You don't have to dump your best friend. However you probably should apologize to your man and promise never to broadcast your problems to someone else before you tell (him). After all he is the only person in a position to give you what you want! You don't need a "middleman".

      Last but not least maybe he's not the right guy for you!

      Very few people meet their "soul-mate" at age 15 or 16.

      Most guys in their 20s are in no hurry to become their parents!

      They usually just moved out of a dorm room or their parent's basement. They want to party with friends, watch sports, play video games, and get laid. The thought of settling down, getting married, signing a 30 year mortgage, and having children is like watching their life flash before their eyes!

      These days most men don't seriously start considering marriage until they're in their early 30s and rarely is it to a high school sweetheart.

      Lastly if either you or your mate has to change your (core being) in order to make a relationship work it probably means you've chosen the wrong mate.

      Thankfully there are over 7 Billion other people on earth!

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