- Gender and Relationships
Finally I Moved On- The Transition Has Taken Place
Previously, I wrote a series of hubs called "Time to Make the Transition". I struggled with the fact that my husband did not want to be with me any more. It was difficult to me because I was more concerned about his departure rather than mine. I was concerned about how a transition out of the rooming house situation was going to be, since the landlady was becoming fond of my husband for all the extra effort to help her with the household. Then what halted my plans to move last year was when he decided to tell me that God had changed him and he was going to be "obedient" to his wedding vows.
It did not take me long to go through the transition of my relationship status this time. I viewed that there had really not been any improvement on the relationship at all, it was the same "boring" routine over and over again. The communication between us had stopped and there was no intimacy either. "Going Through The Motions" by Michael W. Smith was the song that continued in my mind. I had to make the first move out of that house we lived in and out of the relationship.
We were going through the motions
Thank God for motivation.
Listening to my inner voice
Gave me invitation-
An invitation to new life,
To step away from stress and strain,
To turn around and walk away
And to be Single Again.
I realized the marriage
Was truly me on the rebound
Replacing loneliness with love,
A courtship that was
Only shy of seven weeks which
I thought was from the Lord Above.
If only I spent more time
To find out about his past
But a mutual agreement
To tie the knot,
And I trusted he to be the last.
The last one to say, "I do",
To make my dream come true.
This man I married was a
Very good act,
And impressed my parents
With all the right facts,
But decided not to use any tact
To reject me over and over again.
Copyright @2011 CMCastro
Reconciliation is God's Will- Separation is Over
The best way to deal with a broken marriage is to make up with your spouse and agree to what you vowed to do in the first day of marriage. (It has been ten months since I decided to leave my husband). That is my realization when my struggle to keep separated from my husband became difficult to do. I insisted on staying in the church fellowship in which I belonged, the very place I met my husband, where I received my Bible College education and where I had developed lasting relationships with the evangelists and the ministers in the last eleven years. My husband had left the ministry, and then returned. God had dealt with each of us individually during this absence. I realized that if I had partaken in any extramarital relationship during this delicate time, right after leaving a five and a half year marriage, it would have only caused damnation to my soul, so I prevented any potential possibilities of that to occur. Besides, what I had encountered by initiating communication with other prospects did not compare to what I had experienced in my marriage, so those opportunities died out immediately when my matrimony resurfaced in these last few weeks.
This marital union has reconciled almost 10 months to the day of separation. I fell in love with him again. I am truly blessed, because reconciliation is God's Will! Who really wants to be divorced three times in their own personal history? I just pray and I leave it up to the Lord to take care of everything. The Words "I love you" have been spoken to one another. There is a new smile upon my face that I feel is brand new. There is an occasional cautionary feeling once in a while, but anxiety can be taken away by the Lord as well. I know this is of the Lord, because my husband and I have the same spiritual convictions. That has never changed. We just had to be at a distance for a while. To the Lord God I am grateful; only it is He who can forgive and restore anyway. I just hope that my family understands.
When Reconciliation Does Not Work
Seven months have gone by with the hope of reconciliation. The reunion that this writer had with her husband after the ten month breakup ended up being a alley for his convenience. The same burdens reappeared after the very short bonding of matrimonial bliss. Then he met this writer's neighbors in the rooming house he moved into, being automatically liked by all. He redefined his living arrangements, and then the bills and the expenses fell on this unhappy and unfulfilled wife- Again!
Was this foolish female blind, or just stupidly hopeful? The husband was being sympathetic to an ill housemate, and to this writer that was alright, but spending free time with her while this wife is away hard at work at her full time career was not in the plans for this restart of a marriage- a marriage that was encouraged by others who wanted us to do things God's Way.
So, after no reward for being kind and loving to this individual who had no intentions of fully supporting his spouse at her time of need, the need to separate was evident. Even the family was fully dismayed and the only son of this writer did not even want to communicate anymore.
Being in a new residence away from the emotional calamity is the best decision this writer ever made. A rebound relationship with a spouse left behind does not work, at least in this writer's experience. It is good to be alone if alone keeps you away from the trouble.